Thursday, January 17, 2013

Yes, it's really like Portlandia.

Here's proof. One of the volunteers at work was looking at rooms to rent on Craigslist and she found this (I have deleted the address, email, and websites they're on, sorry if that disappoints any of you.)

My two cents added in italics. 


300 Furry, Gay, Kinky Haus of Blue looking for roomate (United States) (If you're going to go for broke, at least learn to spell!)

Date:  2013-01-11, 12:08AM PST

Ideally, we are seeking a gay male. (Um. For what?)

Around Feb 1st, I have a room for rent in a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 2 car garage. fenced back yard and great people in the household. There will be 3 of us that live here when you move in. And one more coming end of this month to possibly feburary. (plus you if you move in). The one moving out is 19 and he is moving in with his new boyfriend.

For (code name here), I'm 37, work 2 jobs and am the one on the lease of the house. I have full permission to sublease with the landlord. ((See below as to details about myself and the others which you may want to know)) (I MAY want to know? After your headline, I'm fucking dying to know.)

The one coming is 21, he will be sleeping in my room as he and I are in a relationship see below for details (Details? Wait for it...he likes to dress up like Fluffy the Bear when we have sex.)

The other two are a straight couple (A guy and his girl) in there 20's. They share a room. (With what? Animal, mineral, or vegetable?)

The spare room would be yours. (As opposed to sleeping with him and Fluffy?) Rest of house is furnished. (That's reassuring.)

I have 2 dogs, they have 2 rats and a cat (which I'm allergic too) preferably no more pets. (Because it's not like we have a zoo or anything.)

Ideally seeking a young gay male who needs a mellow, calm but fun place to lay his head (and your genitals) and just be FULLY comfortable. (Because a zoo full of furries is sooooo laid back!)
This is a NON judgmental household. (No shit, Sherlock.) (see below for details). We are EXTREMELY open minded and open to gay, trans, straight, FtM or MtF, or whatever you maybe into. (Like Care Bears.)

We are IDEALLY (but as of yet, unsuccessfully) seeking, BUT NOT REQUIRED:

A NON smoker (though the female does smoke).
A NON weed smoker, (unless you have your medical card as the guy has his).
A NON felon, (though I am an ex felon)

(In other words, we're a bunch of furries who also happen to be hypocrites!)


Must Have An Income To Pay Bills And Rent Each Month
Must be openminded and respectful
You pay for and eat your own food
Strickly plantonic. (this is not an ad for sex or trade of houseboy or anything like that)
(And by plantonic, we mean you enjoy having sex with plants, because we're having sex with everything else in the house already. We didn't mean 'platonic.')

The rent is $300 plus portion of ultitlites (divided by how many are living in house for that month) (usually less then $100 a month). There is a Security Deposit, but I'm willing to work with you if needed for up to 2 months to attain it. (Or are willing to dress up as Garfield, and...Oh, let's not bother with details just yet.)

HERE IS THE CATCH: (WAT! This all seemed so normal until now.)

The 2 car garage is a mostly a play space (The Haus of Blue Dungeon), (Copyright!) hang out area. We are a kinky household. Though this is strictly Platonic, we are kinksters. (Shocker!) We do NOT play with each other. (well let me explain this, the straight couple do play together ONLY. and are into flogging, spanking, and play in the dungeon TOGETHER by themselfs). (Oh, wait. Oops. We don't except for, well, we do. )They are in a D/s (Dominate/submissive) type of relationship whereas the female is the submissive. She wears a collar which her Dominate put on her by her own submission.

The guy coming for me at end of this month will be my play partner and "slave". (its fully consenqual) (Is that a mix of consensual and consequence?) but also a companion. He will be wearing a collar which I'd be putting on him when he arrives. I am a "Master"/Dominate type. I am also a furry (if you know what that is). (At this point, if you don't, I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out.)

So you are not required to be kinky, just open minded. (Like the kind of open minded after you smoke an entire of weed. Expensive weed.)You are NOT to come to be a play partner. You'd be JUST a roommate with nothing connected as we are not seeking that. Just need someone to rent the room to help cover the total rent of the house. (Because the rest of us are so fucking normal.)

If you are interested, please email me and ask questions. I am also on Facebook with two accounts. You can look up the more public one which is also my kinky one. Name is (name). My name on EVERYTHING else is (name.)

I have a group on Facebook called (haha) (if you want to explore more of what I (we) are into. And we are on (this) and I'm on (that). (Because, you know, you won't be able to do it here, or anything, but just in case you're curious.)

KEYWORDS: Kink, BDSM, fetish, sissy, cross dressing, flogging, chains, ropes, bondage, suspension, Dominate, submissive, Master, slave, furry, MAST, Leather, pup, Dungeon, Diapers, Roommate.

What I really want to know is this: have I run into these people at Starbucks?


OldLady Of The Hills said... each his own, I guess!
But....OY VEY! Too Much Information for!

Elephant's Child said...

Perhaps I am being judgemental, but I don't think I would want a dungeon next door. Unless it was sound-proofed. I also wonder just how many takers they got?

Rock Chef said...

It is TMI, but imagine moving into that house AND THEN FINDING OUT THIS STUFF!

wigsf3 said...

Come and knock on our door. We've been waiting for you. Where the kisses are hers and hers and his.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

"Have I run into these people at Starbucks?" Oh, I'm sure you have. And much worse! Can't judge book by cover, etc.

Charles Gramlich said...

My head is spinning.

Cperz said...

Perhaps, it's just because that I live in a mundane middle class neighborhood that presently appears freak-free (of course, they might just keep their dungeon well hidden) I find this rather fascinating.

That is one creative ad, he's got going. Lot's of info that may or may not have people lining up to move in. He really should of hired you for subtext as it added to the awesome FUN of the ad.

Riot Kitty, I think you should apply as a potential roommate just for the fun of it and do another post.

How many chances to you get to meat a person like (insert code name here) Oh but maybe you already know this guy and just don't realize it. Maybe his desk is near yours at work.

Riot Kitty said...

OLOTH: TMI is right!
TEC: Nope, not judgemental. I'm with you!
RC: That is a VERY good point.
WIGSF: OK I almost pissed my pants laughing. Excellent!
Debra: But can we judge by their coffee? :)
Charles: Tell me about it!
Cheryl: You crack me up - especially because the person whose desk is closest to mine is MY BOSS.

G. B. Miller said...

Like I've mentioned before, this has the makings of a good erotica story buried somewhere in there.

Kinky as all hell, but...well, you know.

Lynn said...

Makes you wonder. :)

Full-On-Forward said...

RK-- Way to hide behind the anno-- annnon- aaaaanopmm, guise of this post! I think you should get someone in soon.

Maybe a Triifid as they are Palnt-onic. Love ya and mr RK-

Spanking in SC,


Riot Kitty said...

G: Yes, I know ;)
L: My mind went to places I really did not want to visit!
John: HA!

Anonymous said...

WTF?? This is hysterical. I guess there's no better comedy then what is floating around on Craigslist at times

Riot Kitty said...

Wino: Truth isn't just stranger than fiction, apparently it's also much funnier ;)