Friday, February 29, 2008

You tell me

I saw this great headline in the "letters to the editor" section of my crappy local (Portland) paper:

"Ralph Nader: A Threat or a Has-Been?"

So, you tell me, peeps! Is he swiping Republican votes, make you want to ralph, have a big ego, or a viable campaign?

The comment page is all ears.

PS Perhaps they can get some media attention so I can see more pics of his dorky-cute running mate, SF Mayoral wannabe Matt Gonzalez?

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Spanish for beginners

A few helpful phrases and words in foreign languages:

Shut up! (English)
Sei zito! (Italian)
¡Cállate! (Spanish)
Sheket! (Hebrew. Pardon me for not using the original characters, but my computer isn't that talented.)

Granted, I have lost most of my Italian and only took Hebrew for a semester in college. But I still have Spanish, so here are a few more useful phrases, should you need them in the future:

I'm sure you have a dick the size of a peanut. Leave me alone.

Estoy segura que tengas un pene que es el tamaño de una nuez. Déjame sola.
No, I'm not single, and even if I was, there's not a bloody chance I'd let you get in my pants.

No, no estoy soltera, y aunque fuera soltera, nunca te dejaría entrar mis pantalones.

No, I don't come here often. I prefer to come with the help of a sex toy.

No, no vengo aquí con mucha frequencia. Prefiero venir con la ayuda de un jugete de sexo.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Woman of the week award

I logged on to bitch about Ralph Nader, and make fun of the California McDonald's trying to boost sales by using principles of feng shui.

And it's been a crappy week, although the sun has been shining, which has made it bearable.


Whenever I go feeling sorry for myself I look to those much less fortunate. Sadly, I don't have to look that much farther than my ESL class most of the time.


This week's Riot Kitty woman of the week award goes to my ESL student Maria. It would have been amazing enough for her - a widow who does heavy lifting in a nursery full-time - to simply make it to class twice a week and learn a second language at age 60.

To make her story even more amazing, though, check out what she told me last week. We were both a little early to class on Thursday, and I told her I had noticed one of my other students, Rey, was pretty advanced and probably should have been in a higher level class, and I wanted to make sure I was giving her and the other students enough time to copy, practice, etc.

She said, "It takes me longer because before I came to your class, I could barely read or write. I didn't get to go to school for very long in Guatemala."

Not only that, I inquired delicately and found out she fled from Guatemala during their civil war. Escaped.

My students put me to shame. Although they're in a class that's ignored by many - indeed, practically invisible to many - they are the bravest, kindest, most hard-working people I've ever encountered.

I told Maria that she has accomplished much, and I told her how proud I am of her - and now I'm telling all of you.

Friday, February 22, 2008

My new man (meow!)

I am not good at subtle, as anyone who knows me well will attest.

Nor am I a huge doer of Valentine's Day. But I did want a cuddly new guy this year...and I hinted to my husband, who didn't pick up the hints.

So I said, the other day, "I wanted you to get this for me!" and pointed to my new guy.

Who is now on my bookcase.

I call him Mandrake the Love Leopard.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


The next time you make a mistake, read these...your fuck-up will pale in comparison:

Bank accidentally gives man $5 million (and then he accidentally took $2 million)

Violinist destroys $1m instrument

Virtuoso musician David Garrett smashed a $1 million violin when he fell over after a concert. (I picture him saying, "Oh, fuck me!!!!! with a British accent.)

Police: Fake $100 Bills Had Lincoln's Image
Not only does crime never pay...neither does falling asleep in history class.

Nude burglar in video cock-up (Yes, this is from a UK web site...American news sites wouldn't have the balls to use this.) From "
A man wearing nothing but thong broke into a house brandishing a kitchen knife, say police. Another day, just another nude burglar story, you might say. His masterstroke, however, was that he filmed himself doing it. And then managed to leave the video behind at the scene of the crime."

Man Orders Coffee, Hold the Pants
Tip for the uninitiated: when you get stoned and need a Dunkin' Donuts fix, get dressed before you get in the car.

Summit Sheriff: Akron thief locks keys in getaway car
If you hold up a gas station convenience store, make sure your keys aren't locked in the batmobile.

Don't you feel better now? :)

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Happy day

When I was in high school, my dad told me I should write it down in my journal anytime I had an awesome day.

I don't believe in the zodiac, but I read horoscopes for fun sometimes and yesterday's said I was in for some "good karma coming my way" and to stay humble...then today, I got a callback for a second interview. And a call about another interview. And an awesome deal on a credit card that will save me tons o' cash and allow me to tell Bank of America to fuck off. And my good friend Darthweasel is bringing his blog back! And I had coffee and had a great talk about religion, family, God, and the universe with a friend and had a fantastic time. And Obama won Wisconsin. And Pakistan threw out Musharraff, and Castro resigned...just how does a dictator "resign," anyway?

And I got to talk to my brother, and my dad, and got an e-mail from my little bro. And my ex-mother is taking responsibility for a debt that she owes my late great aunt, which is totally out of character. And my grandmother got back a cancer-free biopsy!!

And we got an extra couple of days of sunshine.


So there it is. Tomorrow I might get hit by a truck, but today is looking pretty good. And since everyone seemed to like the last flower pics, here are some more, from an unusually sunny week in London last April. The light wasn't quite right on a couple of them, but I wanted the color to come through, and it did.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Here comes the sun!

Because the sun is actually OUT today - this hasn't happened since, um, September - I'm posting a couple of shiny happy pics in honor of Mother Nature - my "woman of the week" recipient. These were taken during springtime, which I am so happy is on its way...

This may seem silly for those of you living in other parts of the country, but sun is a commodity for a good part of the year here.

So excuse my great big orgasmic "Yippee!!!!!!!!" :)

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Night!

I went to do my volunteer ESL teaching tonight and I was - well, showered is the best word - with Valentine stuff.

One student, a widow who works a hard job in nursery, brought me balloons and chocolate. Another brought me a candy box with a ring inside (crystal, I think.)

And an unknown admirer left a very well-thought out bunch of things - a balloon in Spanish, a plant with tiny pink buds, a chocolate chip cookie from Starbucks (yum!) and a card signed "SA."

SA? Another tutor said, "Secret Admirer!"

I've never had one before, and it's funny because I've always wanted one on Valentine's Day.

I literally had no visibility behind me driving home because of the soft red glow of the balloons. I had to have help carrying everything upstairs.

It was so sweet, the only word I can think of is "touched."

Muchas gracias por todo :)

In other words

So disgusted with the Senate's vote to let our government spy on us at will, and protect phone companies who illegally handed over our private info. to the government.

Why did we vote in Democrats in 2006 anyhow? They ran on a platform of getting us out of Iraq and restoring civil liberties - what a fucking joke.

Then McCain - who has understandably made his anti-torture stance a centerpiece of his reputation - and other Republicans say it's OK for us to torture other people by voting against a bill that (thankfully) the Senate passed outlawing it.

Some friends and family members had more eloquent thoughts than mine on this topic, so I'll let their words be the centerpiece for this blog:

"My own belief is that the Congress as a whole cares less about rights under the constitution than about protecting business. Hence, the phone companies are immunized against wholesale illegal sharing of customer info with the perverted Justice department under Bush
's stooges. However, the most disturbing thing is the spying without any judicial review. Isn't it amazing to live in the most fearful country in the world??"

"In other words...bullshit."

"McCain - cross him off my list."

"We were furious as we watched the televised vote come in. I don't think the Ds the nation sends to D.C. possess either brains or balls. (Balls look good on women; I'm sure of it.) I'm so sick of all this..."

"Interesting, isn't it, that 3 Senators didn't vote (on the spying bill) - Graham, Clinton and Obama. The last two, apparently, were too busy campaigning to worry about piddly little bills like this."

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Tom Lantos, Rest In Peace

I was sad to read yesterday that one of the U.S. Reps I used to cover, Democrat Tom Lantos of California, had died.

The only Holocaust survivor to serve in Congress, he was a political powerhouse, ably bending members of both parties to serve what he felt were the country's best interests.

He was an unabashed critic of China and other countries that flagrantly abuse human rights; he got arrested in 2006 in a protest of violence in Darfur.

I covered Tom when I was a reporter in San Mateo, California, his adopted hometown. Though his district included parts of San Francisco - read: bigger papers - he always kept us in the loop, always returned our calls, and even got me an interview with Andrew Cuomo when he was the HUD Secretary under President Clinton.

I remember one press conference - he always brought his wife, holding their little dog - he held outside of an expensive nursing home that had failed to keep residents cool during a heat wave. At least one died and several were hospitalized; Lantos was outraged, pointing out that elder abuse could even occur in such a tony community as Burlingame.

He always smiled and greeted each of us individually, shaking our hands, a true gentleman.

Lantos was admired by Democrats and Republicans alike - for his power, certainly, but also his true bipartisanship and the ability and willingness to go to bat for who and what he believed in.

A business reporter friend that I worked with recalled that Lantos took on Safeway, whose corporate headquarters are in the SF Bay Area, when the company was trying to bust a union.

"I'm not asking you if you want paper or plastic!" he roared.

In an era where no party seems to support the working person, where most politicians seem to be whores for big businesses that take their jobs overseas, where few elected officials seem to care about anything besides their own personal political gain, Lantos will be missed.

Monday, February 11, 2008

And this is the headline of the day

Dolly Parton postpones tour, blames breasts

*When you get into serious back pain, it's time to consider surgery, no?*

I got into an interesting discussion with a friend about implants the other day. I saw this horrifying stat that there are teens under 18 getting them in droves now. Whose parents would sign off on that?

I don't plan to go under the knife for anything unless I have to. It's hard enough finding clothes being a 38C!

OK, TMI for some of you...not enough for others? LOL

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Congress sucks

OK, you all know that...and I don't have a degree in economics.

But I know that sending $600 checks isn't going to fix an economy that has been ravaged by greed, and Congress making it profitable for companies to offshore jobs.

Despite these aggregious mistakes, they could have helped some people in the short-term who really needed it, but they didn't.

No unemployment extension, or more food stamps - both of which economists said are the two quickest ways to help the economy - and no heating help for poor people, in the stimulus bill.

But it does allow higher-interest loans that would - surprise! - benefit those who buy and sell real estate like the rest of us buy, say, groceries or porn. OK, just seeing if you were paying attention by adding the word "porn."

And, surprise surprise! Nancy Pelosi and the House want this passed before midterm elections:

"There is no reason for any more delay on this," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) warned in a public break with the Senate leadership. "I don't think any change in the bill is really worth the delay."

*I can think of a few reasons for delay - including some of the above so people have the ability to pay their fucking bills!*

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Now this is courage

Here's my vote for the Woman of the Week. (New Riot Kitty award.)

Good Morning America's Robin Roberts, who is undergoing treatment for breast cancer, strode down the catwalk sans wig:,,20176709,00.html

Some of you may know that my grandmother is a breast cancer survivor and she has been in remission for 6 1/2 years.

Robin Roberts: You go girl! And may you have a speedy recovery.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Mitt, Just Go Away!

And I don't care if you go away mad.

You're a flip-flopper and a major asshole to gay people and working people, and I couldn't be happier that you did so poorly last night.

Seriously, people. Here's a guy who has switched his position on such emotional issues as abortion and gay rights to pander to the right wing.

I have more respect for people like McCain and Huckabee, even though I strongly disagree with them, because they're consistent.

Romney seems a lot like the current White House incumbent - good-looking but not too bright, a guy who had a career in business and a career in politics courtesy of his daddy.

We've had enough of that for the past several years, don't you think?

And I didn't think anyone *really* would get up on stage holding a baby to get a photo-op, but there he has proven me wrong. He held up his grandson for all to see. (Read: my dick works, and my son's dick works.)

So now we actually have an interesting race for president...although I wish John Edwards would have stayed in longer. He is the only candidate who really seems to care about poor people, about trying to revolutionize the way this country treats its non-elites.

It also pisses me off that people assume women should vote for Hillary (or any other female candidate) just because we have breasts. I'm not making this up. Someone even asked a friend of mine, "You're not supporting Hillary? But she's a woman!"

Turn that question around and see how ridiculous it sounds.

I agree, as mentioned in a previous blog, that it is high time we had a female president and viable female candidates. I just don't care for this one. I mean, who wants the circus back in town?

Monday, February 04, 2008

In defense of a friend

I rarely write about extremely personal things on this blog, because 1) that's what a diary is for, and 2) somehow, some people that I didn't want to read this blog have gotten the address. Which sucks because it means I can't vent about them if I want to!

Anyway - without going into detail, a very good friend of mine has been taking a lot of heat from some self-serving jerks and it has created personal family problems for him.

In a nutshell, they said some not-so-nice things in front of children. He was there, and he had to move the children to another spot so they wouldn't keep hearing the garbage.

He blogged about it. They read it. They are demanding an apology, sending all kinds of rude and insulting e-mails, and calling him names. (Did I mention that they are in their 50s? Isn't that a little old to be acting this way?)

Mind you, he didn't insult them. He didn't distort anything. He didn't name them on the blog. He didn't send them a link to the fucking blog.

He merely wrote, in what is the equivalent of an online diary, about his frustration.

They got caught with their hands in the cookie jar, so to speak, and now, by their rationale, it's his fault?

How arrogant can people get?

By any rational person's standards, they should be the ones apologizing for their initial and subsequent behavior.

So anyhow, that is my rant. I'd love to send them a nasty e-mail but they happen to be his in-laws and he and his wife have already had enough hell to pay because her parents are insisting on driving this wedge between them.

In defense of my friend, who I've known for almost four years now:

1. He is honest.
2. He is kind.
3. He is not the kind of person who seeks out arguments. He is more of a conflict-resolver.
4. He would give you the shirt off his back if he thought it would help.
5. He would never SHOW PORN TO SOMEONE HE HAD JUST MET, like his father-in-law did to him!

Can you see why I'm pissed off on his behalf?

Saturday, February 02, 2008

It is to laugh (not to spell correctly)

My brother sent this to me, but I could not help asking a few questions (bold font added by yours truly.)

30 things you may not have known

1. The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

2. Wearing headphones for 1 hour will increase the bacteria in you ear by 700 times.

*And it becomes *me* ear? Does the bacteria create ebonics?*

3. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end due to the rate of reproduction.

*Who was bored or stoned enough to imagine this scenario?*

4. The average human body contains enough sulfur to kill all the fleas on an average dog.
*What are we waiting for? Natural pest control!*

5. You are more likely to be target for mosquitos if you eat bananas.
*You are more likely not to know how to spell if you are the original writer of this list.*

6. The average person's left hand does 56of the typing.
*What is 56of ?*

7. In medieval England, beer was often served with breakfast.

8. The first man-made item to exceed the speed of sound was a leather whip.
*I'd really like to know who found this out. A dominatrix with a physics degree?*

9. The most common non-contagious disease in the world is tooth decay.
*I thought it was stupidity.*

10. A cat's jaw can not move sideways.
*How many times did the cat have to bite them before they came to this conclusion?*

11. The names of all the continents end with the same letter they started with.
*Um...hello? North America, South America. Is our children learning?*

12. If you stood at the bottom of a well, you would be able to see the stars even during the daytime.
*Is this based on firsthand experience? Was entering the well accidental, I wonder?*

13. Grapes will explode if you put them in the microwave.
*Again, I'd love to know if this was done on purpose.*

14. Starfish do not have brains.
*Neither do Republicans*

15. Cats have better memories than dogs.
*Duh! That's because they're smarter and more vindictive.*

16. The largest number of children born to one woman is 69.
*You've got to be fucking kidding me. No pun intended.*

17. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
*And if you keep it in my brother's college dorm room, it will eat the other fish and eventually die, because my brother will forget to feed it. Sadly, this is true.*

18. Clouds fly higher during the day than at night.
*Clouds fly? Do they wear capes?*

19. One human brain generates more electrical impulses in one day than all the world's telephones put together.
*Not the brain of the one who wrote this list.*

20. The Bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admissable in an American court.
*Are we agreed at this point that this person should have hit spell check?*

21. On average 13 people die each year from vending machines falling on them.
*On average? How does one calculate this kind of average? "Well, last year was a slow year - only two people. But the year before that made up for it - there were at least 23.*

22. An elephant can throw a baseball faster than a human.
*Again, how much pot was this person smoking?*

23. Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
*I'm going to create a word for the phobia of really ridiculous lists making their way into my inbox.*

24. Mozart wrote "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" when he was 5 years old.

25. There are 3 golf balls sitting on the moon.
*That's where they went?*

26. A zebra is white with black stripes, not black with white stripes.
*Um, how can you tell?*

27. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than a spid
*What is a spid?*

28. A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.
*I think "gives" is a euphemism, don't you?*

29. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
*A few less than the number of typos in this list.*

30. The total length of eyelashes shed by a human in thier lifetime is over 30 metres.
*OK, it's a Brit. "Metres" = OK. "Thier" when you mean "their"? Not OK!*

Meme: 10 things to be happy about today

Tonight was not a good night in many ways, so this (early) morning I am focusing on things positive...I am tagging Green Tea, Jessica, Viva, and Drew!

1. Mitt Romney is making himself look like a complete ass. (Why did it take so long?)

2. A 92-year-old who is legally blind scored a hole-in-one on a Clearwater, Florida golf course!

3. According to the latest stories, the New Kids on the Block *might not* be getting back together!

4. An Oregon judge finally let the new domestic partnership law come into action.

5. It did not snow today.

6. I found a lot of cute newborn clothes for cheap for a family we help at church.

7. My little brother is coming for Spring Break!

8. I made a new recipe without burning anything (including the apartment.)

9. I have coupons for two free iced mochas. Yum yum!

10. There is no shortage of cheese enchiladas.