Sunday, November 15, 2015

Apocalpyse later

I'm seriously overdue (again) for a post and visiting blogs. Don't hate me!

Things have been seriously busy at home and work. I know you can relate. This weekend I had to drive down to small town about 2 1/2 hours away from here (I made it home in two hours last night with no tickets, yay!) for our conference for work. We choose this location because it's about 2 or 3 hours from just about everywhere in the state (yes, Oregon is that small.) But aside from the hotel, there's basically nothing there. (Tip for the uninitiated: Carl's Jr. is ranked the #9 restaurant in town by Trip Advisor. No, I am not making this up.)
On the drive down from Portland, you very quickly realize that you're in bumblefuck Egypt and start seeing apocalyptic billboards.

Billboard #1: "Lust damns you to HELL!" (Complete with a picture of flames.) Damn, I'm already fucked.

Billboard #2: "Saturday is the true Sabbath, hijacked by the antichrist! Free booklet! For more information, call..."

Billboard #3: "Addicted to porn? Jesus came to set captives free!" Picture of an ecstatic looking man jumping up in the air like the old Toyota commercials. (If you're too young to remember those, don't tell me.)

Clearly everyone in this part of the state is voting for Donald Trump.

However, I'm pleased to say that the apocalypse didn't happen when I was there. As my friend K noted, "If you lived in that town, you'd be waiting for the apocalypse too!"

I have to say that the highlight of my week was seeing this waiting for me at the health department:
A show of hands, please. Anyone else pick up 1,000 condoms and 500 packets of lube for work? No?
These are actually for holiday bags of toiletries and small warm items and gifts that we put together at work for people who are low-income and often homeless and live with mental illness. That would be a hell of an isolating combination, I think.

The person from the county health department picked up a packet of lube and asked me, "You don't think we'll have a problem with these, right? I mean, people won't think it's to put in their coffee?"

I went back to work and laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.