Friday, January 18, 2013

I can has customer servez? (No.)

I ordered some flowers online for my great aunt's birthday. I had a feeling the order would get fucked up. She lives in bumblefuck Egypt, and I couldn't find a local flower store online, so I ordered through a service.

Guess what? The flowers didn't arrive.

So I called. The phone menu instructed me to send an email...which wasn't answered.

I called again the next day to complain.

Customer service guy: "What probably happened is that they didn't have all of the flowers in stock so they just waited a day."

Um. Seriously? Isn't this what, um, they are supposed to be doing for a living? Isn't that sort of like, say, Taco Bell running out of tacos?

Me: "So it's 1 pm the day after her birthday, and they're still not there. Can you tell me when they're going to arrive?"
Him: "I don't know. They're open until 7."
Me: "Can you let me know what store it is and I can just call them?"
Him: "No, I'd get fired."
Me: "So what am I supposed to do?"
Him: "I can call them."

I wait on hold.

Him: "Apparently they're really busy."

A florist too busy to deliver flowers?

Him: "I can offer you a $40 store  credit."
Me: "On this order?"
Him: "No. On your next one."
Me: "This is my first order with you, and it hasn't even arrived on the right day. Why would I want to order again?"

Eventually they got there, and she was very gracious. But if she didn't live several hours away, I guarantee you someone would have a fork in their ass.

So I'll settle for doing it virtually, for now.


OldLady Of The Hills said...

These are the kinds of things that drive me NUTSY....! I am glad they finally got there...!

Love that picture with the fork...! LOL!

Hey...I didn't realize you lived so close!!

DWei said...

And that's why I really careful with who I buy from online. I check for reviews and what not first.

And if it's in a foreign country, I cross my fingers and hope for the best.

Granny Annie said...

We should begin every transaction with "Because you work for me..." Why don't service providers realize our business pays their salary?

G. B. Miller said...

This is why I buy from exactly three, count 'em, three places online.

1} Amazon.
2} B&N.
3} Select-O-Grafix (they did my book cover, my banner and my bookmarks. the owner is also a fellow stablemate of mine as well).

I don't trust anyone else to buy stuff online. Period.

LL Cool Joe said...

I have all the same crap with Amazon. It's fine if they use the royal mail but when they use a courier company nothing ever arrives, it drives me insane. I spend hours of my time ringing people up and sending emails and kicking up as much fuss as possible. The only good thing about Amazon is that they will give refunds or send replacements ..eventually.

Shionge said...

Oh lousy customer service, do tell us which one to avoid ya.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

The problem I've had with ordering flowers long-distance is that sometimes the bastards stick their oldest and crappiest flowers in the bouquet -- i.e. clear out the crap in their fridge that can't be sold to a customer who is there in person to see how old the blooms actually are. And so, of course, the bouquet lasts maybe a DAY before it all wilts to ratshit.

Don't get me started!

Charles Gramlich said...

Yes indeed, this think we call advanced civilization functions so incredibly well.

Claire said...

Kitteh with a fork? Next level.

Betty Manousos said...

what a lousy customer service. i only trust amazon to buy stuff on line...okay sort of.

the picture of the kitten with a fork made me smile.

have a great long weekend!

big hugs~

Cperz said...

It's really a shame that you couldn't find a real shop nearby but if there isn't one, what are you to do? I call local florists 9 times out of 10 so there is a real florist I can talk to. The other part that concerns me when I order flowers is the finished product nice and did I get what I paid for.

A few years ago, I received flowers from a friend and they were awful. I know my friend didn't order half dead wilted flowers for me.

Lynn said...

That's just wrong! I'm glad you eventually got the flowers.

Introverted Art said...

I have been feeling like the first cat. Even blinking for food is a struggle hehehehehe The couch cushion has the imprint of my behind ;)

Riot Kitty said...

They had an awesome BBB rating, but one store's fuck-up killed that for me.

Mike_D said...

There's not enough threats about forks in asses.


And BTW, you look so happy in the wedding photo down below this! Guess I don't have to beat him up, eh? :)

Riot Kitty said...

Mike: Haha! And that first it!

Holland said...

Poor you... and I agree more people should be forked up until customers actually get service from customer service!

Rock Chef said...

Love the offer of store credit! Reminds me of an early experience I had with recycled printer cartridges. I put it into the machine and it basically emptied itself into my printer - horrible mess, a couple of hours cleaning it out. When I went to the shop they offered me a free one in addition to a replacement - I wanted a refund so I could buy a new proper one, but the guy in the shop just couldn't grasp that - kept on saying I could have an extra free one! Why? So I could spend an entire weekend repeatedly cleaning my printer?

A Beer for the Shower said...

I'm with everyone else. Unless it's Amazon, I won't touch it. Usually. Because in this case, you can't really order flowers from Amazon, can you?

My bad customer service experiences usually just involve calling Dell for hardware problems with my PC, usually where I've already diagnosed the problem and just need a part shipped to me. And let me tell you, as a guy who has a bachelors' degree in IT calling up a guy who barely even speaks English who has almost no computer experience, the hilarity of each call is not lost on me. "Oh, yes, my motherboard is fried, but I can check to see if my computer is plugged in and my monitor is turned on. Oh, right, they are. Can you send me the damn motherboard yet?"

Full-On-Forward said...

Waiting on my flowers you said you sent LAST Valentines day!


Riot Kitty said...

H: Cheers!
RC: No, seriously? Because he thinks you have an ink fetish?
ABFTS: That is freaking hilarious!
J: Keep waiting ;)

Workingdan said...

I don't call customer service....ever. Or any other kind of representative. Nope. I'll snail mail it before I have to speak to those idiots on the phone!

Birdie said...

I went to Kentucky Fried Chicken a while back and get this... They were out of chicken. WTF?

I hope she enjoyed the flowers (albeit late).

Riot Kitty said...

Dan: Good idea.
Birdie: Seriously? And you know how funny that is because of your avatar right? :)

Rock Chef said...

[sigh] black...sticky...finger prints... [sign] :-)

Logical Libby said...

That is totally unacceptable. They should have comped your flowers and given you a credit. I would ride them until they do.

Riot Kitty said...

L: I rode and rode! The poor guy on the phone just about had a heart attack - he was powerless to do anything. Then I got a shitty "personal" apology email from the CEO that was clearly "insert your name here" offering me the same discount on my next purchase. Ha.