In a hurry?

I was planning to write about the Texas state legislator proposing to let blind people go hunting, but Darthweasel stole my thunder (darthweasel.blogspot.com).

So instead, I will write about another one of my pet peeves, which became especially irritating tonight in a bookstore cafe.

I've got nothing against people in a hurry, mind you. But what I absolutely hate is people who are in such a hurry that they have to push, shove, and dart in front of you - no, actually, they have to be in exactly the spot where you are headed - to get there before you do.

You dumbfucks. What are you saving, one nanosecond? Do you need to get to your latte that badly, that three of you step directly in front of my extremely polite husband so you can get to the cafe counter before he does? Mind you, not the register - the counter where the drinks are already waiting. So you're not saving minutes by getting ahead in line - you've already waited in line!

Unless you need to grab the latte because you are going into labor immediately afterwards, kindly wait your turn. You're not the only one stuck in the cafe, having to listen to the painful renditions of "White Christmas" and "Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" while we wait for our buzz. (I always thought Mommy was a bit of a slut when I listened to that song, anyhow.)

Ditto for the people with kids who don't watch the kids, who run all over the place, then stop right in front of people and refuse to move. Fuck you! Why did you have to breed?

I've noticed people always seem to do this kind of shit to my husband. Does he look as nice as he is? They don't seem to do it to me quite as much - probably I give off a look as bitchy as I intend to be.

If you're all in such a hurry, why don't you do us all a favor: buy an espresso machine, make your own lattes, and stay home in the first place! That way you'll save lots of time. And lots of my patience. There's not that much there to begin with, you know.