Sunday, May 08, 2011

Real questions and answers

Once again, it's nearing event time. The one coming up is our biggest all year (2,000+ people) and it's the biggest event in my field in the state.

I'm running it. Needless to say, you'd think that would mean people would know not to ask me, say, for rides to and from cities three hours away so they can attend.


So here are a few real questions and answers (and demands):

"I need a ride from City of E (three hours away)."
Do I look like a taxi cab? Seriously, I have to plan an event for 2,000 people, but I have time to take you and pick you up.

"Will there be ice cream again this year?"
"How about cookies?"
"What kind?"
"How about water?"
No, I want people to get dehydrated. These are five minutes of my life that I'll never get back.

"Will you have a shirt in my size?"
What size is that?
"Depends on how the shirt fits, or if it runs large or small."
Why don't you show up early and try them ALL on.

"Will there be lunch?"
Are you fucking kidding me?

There is one guy who asks to have a table every year, and every year I tell him (nicely) no. There are more than 2,000 people, I cannot give each participant a table.

So this year he asks one of my committee volunteers.

I wanted to yell, "Hey, dipshit! The answer's still NO!" The same guy brought an unexpected guest to an RSVP-only formal luncheon. While I managed to seat the guest because someone got sick and couldn't make it, dipshit man had the balls to ask why they couldn't sit together.

It reminds me of a game my dad used to play when we were little and would nag him about things. He'd ask, "Do you want your answer loud or soft?"

I did get one very sweet e-mail from a lady asking if she could bring her dog to the event. "He's very well-behaved, has been to doggie daycare, and is very social," she wrote.

I wanted to write back, "Wish all of the people who show up that day would be as polite as your dog!"


themajessty said...

Sounds like a really tough job. :O


Anonymous said...

You should keep back issues of Mad Magazine with you for some snappy answers to stupid questions. Why put effort into your responses? Let the Mad writers do your work for you.

Anonymous said...

People can be very demanding uh. I hope that the event goes well and I wish you the very best of good fortune with it.

All the best, Boonie

Lynn said...

So funny. :) I hope the event goes well and you can relax a little when it is over.

LL Cool Joe said...

So is the dog invited?

I'm glad I don't have your job, I think I'd end up slapping someone. :D

Logical Libby said...

Does the dog get cookies? Are they Nabisco too?

Riot Kitty said...

LDML: Usually I love it...just not the people who ask questions to make my life difficult.
WIGSF: That is a great idea!
Boonie: Thanks!
L: Day after event, I always take a vaca day and get a pedicure.
Joe: He is, and I'm more partial to dreaming about duct-taping their mouths. Or fingers, so they can't e-mail me questions like this.
L: LOL! We'll see.

Full-On-Forward said...

Can I come?

I'll bring my own F'ing table, Water and shirt!!!!

Big Hugs!


Riot Kitty said...

John: Fuck yes!

Senorita said...

I used to work in retail, waitress, and I rented cars. My god, I don't miss any of it, people can really be so fucking annoying sometimes. I feel for you....... How I've never slapped anyone or spat in their food is beyond me.

A Beer for the Shower said...

I knew a guy who brought his dogs to work. He made a little fence for them, and they just slept all day. Never made a mess, never made a peep.

Wish I could say the same about some of my coworkers.

Riot Kitty said...

S: I don't know how you didn't, either! Those are horrible jobs in terms of having to put up with peoples' bullshit.
ABFTS: LOL! Seriously.

Full-On-Forward said...

Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Riot Kitty said...

John: Yep.

Number 11 said...

This reminds me of waiting tables when customers would sit for 20 minutes with a menu, then proceed to order something that wasn't on it. Seriously. They seemed to think there was some sort of secret bespoke menu that we only gave to the more exclusive customers. Hmmm. Love your blog BTW.

Riot Kitty said...

J: Glad to make you laugh!
NE: Wow, that sucks. Thanks for visiting!