Happy Thanksgiving to Me

What am I thankful for today?

The fact that I don't have to go to anyone else's house for Thanksgiving.

Ah, ungrateful, you say? Nope. Here's a list of reasons why:

1. I can eat whenever I damn well please. I don't have to show up at the asked-for hour, then wait two or three hours to eat until "everyone gets settled." Typically, this means "until the football game is over." And these same people never provide snack food, you notice?

2. I don't have to wait several more hours for dessert because everyone else gorged themselves, having practically starved before the football game. In fact, I say, life is short: eat dessert first. If you don't want to, I'm sure someone else will be happy to eat yours.

3. I don't have to go to my ex-boyfriend's uncle's house where there will be prayers before the meal, prayers during the meal, prayers after the meal, and lots of discussion about what they think God intends. In fact, on the last pilgrimmage I had to make to the wacky uncle's place, he informed us that God "hadn't stopped" the terror attacks from happening. Jerry Falwell, Jr., in Northeast Portland. (These annual Thanksgiving trips were just one of the many reasons I was happy to end that relationship.)

4. I don't have to field questions about why I'm a vegetarian, what I can possibly find to eat for dinner if I don't eat meat, and why can't I just have a little turkey on Thanksgiving.

5. In fact, I don't even have to have a turkey! I deal with enough turkeys every day that I don't need one on (or at) my table on Thanksgiving.

6. There will be *no garlic* in my mashed potatoes, no nasty green bean mystery dish on my table, and no obligation to try a little bit of everything everyone brought, because I am making the food myself.

7. There will be no one present that I dislike, because I handed out the invitations.

So - here's to a dinner and day with people I actually enjoy spending time with, and food I enjoy eating.