Moo and Oink

It's already Thursday in the UK, home of the darling Claire, who posts "Things I like Thursday." I'm unable to stay awake for another 90 minutes until it's truly Thursday here, so I'm going on Greenwich Mean Time.

Something I like quite a lot, as you may have noticed, is laughing. I love laughing and I love making people laugh - usually I only manage to do this by self-deprecating means - but I really do think it heals and helps in trying times as well.

So if you need a laugh today, or just *want* a laugh today, watch this short commercial from the 80s. My friend K, who is from Chicago, found this for me - it's a real commercial from a real store in Chicago! Check out the bad 80s clothes and hair, and rapping with giant farm animals! (Yes, we're all nuts out here in the Northwest.)

Making presents

Every year for Christmas, instead of buying presents (with the exception being the relatives under 18 - because I don't want to die yet), we make things and donate money to charities that we like.

That said, the presents are never boring.

I have painted ornaments...

Cross-stitched bookmarks...

and made custom signs.

And I've made more traditional ornaments for my more conservative relatives.

Mr. RK tried to make an ornament hanger, but it looked a bit funny:

Anyone want to come make presents with us this year? :)

PS This was, coincidentally, post #666.

Things I like Thursday - Muppets!

I love the Muppets. Tonight we went to see the Muppet movie! No kids in the theater, since it was a 10 pm showing. Just a bunch of us masquerading as adults.

I was talking to the guy at the theater tonight and we agreed that The Muppet Show needed to go on the air again.

"A whole generation is missing out!" he said, and I agreed. The movie even had a pointed scene mentioning how crap kids' shows are today compared to what we got to watch.

One of the reasons I love Mr. RK is because he'll go see these kinds of movies with me. We didn't even have to bring a kid as a decoy.

I am thankful for Muppets, how about you?

Did *you* pick up 2,000 condoms for work yesterday?

 

That would be a pretty fun question for a meme, wouldn't it?

Once again, my work is partnering with several other nonprofits to put together gift bags to distribute to shelters. They have toiletries, a warm item of clothing, and small gifts (like a journal or deck of cards.) And they also have - surprise! - condoms.

As if it wasn't hard enough not having a permanent place to live, homeless individuals also have among the highest rates of STDs...hence the donation of condoms from the county health department.

So even though we are all supposed to be professionals (or at least look like them), none of us have been able to stop laughing about this.

Cue to my entrance at the health department.

Health department worker: "So! We have a mix of condoms - lube, non-lube, tuxedos, and skins."
Me (looking like a deer in the headlights): "Um. I've been married forever. What are tuxedos?"
Health department worker: "Black ones."
Me: "And skins?"
Health department worker: "Those are the thin ones that aren't made of latex, because some people have allergies."

OH, baby. Can you think of a more terrible way to find out you have a latex allergy? (If you can, don't tell me.)

And lastly:

Health department worker: "By the way, they're all standard size."

What, exactly, am I supposed to do with that information? Is anyone going to go to the shelter managers and demand an exchange because they are too big or too small? I can just imagine the conversations...actually, my blog buddies at A Beer for the Shower could do a hilarious cartoon about that conversation!

I got back to work and told my boss that I never thought I'd have 2,000 condoms in my trunk for work.

His reply: "Oh, SURE, they're for work!"

Last year it was even funnier - they had my colleague's name on the boxes, which were deposited in the lobby of her building during a training. Where everyone saw them when the training was over.

What is the strangest or funniest thing you have had to do for work?

And no, the LOLcat has nothing to do with this post. I just liked it.

Thoughts on upcoming holidays

Mind you, I like Christmas. Unlike some of the nuts in this country, I do not think it is endangered.

But I do not understand why not one, but two, of my local radio stations have decided to start playing nothing but Christmas music before Thanksgiving and through the duration of 2011.

I mean, there are only so many times you can hear "Jingle Bells" or "Feliz Navidad" without wanting to bump yourself off, right? Or is it just me?

It must not just be me because another local station has started running in-house ads that say, "We think holiday music should be played when the holidays arrive. Not before."

I have to say, however, that each year the thing I truly relish the most about the holidays - second to the mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, biscuits and pumpkin pie - is the fact that, being an adult (biologically, if not intellectually), I get to decide who I spend the holidays with.

Didn't you hate that as a kid? There was always some relative who was cranky, or someone who toldyou that you had to wait to eat dessert until long past the time you were dying to go home.

Not in my house! We invite whoever we want, don't invite the people we dislike, and eat dessert whenever we damn well please.


That usually makes for happy holidays.

Pardon our (dis)appearance

It's been a hectic week with visitors, preparing for an event for work this weekend, etc.

But in the meantime, does this remind you of anyone you know? (Hint: he is going to be 16 in January, and then life will end as we know it.)

My dad went up to visit my grandfather, who is 86 now, and lives about five hours north of us. He is declining, which is hard for my dad to see. But in some ways, he's still got it.

At the assisted living facility where he has an apartment, they have a communal lunch and dinner. My grandfather wears his Notre Dame hat everywhere he goes (he went to school there.) One day at dinner, another resident said, "My mom told us as boys that we shouldn't wear caps at the table."

My grandfather replied, "Well, we're not in your mom's house, are we?"

The apple doesn't fall that far from the grandapple tree.

Probably a dumb question, but why is my noodle boot so shrivelled?

That sounds perverted, but according to Mr. RK, it isn't.

A noodle boot is, I am assured by him, the technical term for part of a bicycle's braking system.

I am obviously just a pervert. Really, I thought to myself this morning, I should be here writing about the Occupy protests or something socially important. Then I thought, "Nah, innuendo is always good."

Is it just me? Yesterday during a training about social services, the trainer (who is also my friend and also a pervert) said, "It's all about finding the right package." Believe it or not, I did not giggle.

When we started by doing introductions, we thought about using an icebreaker exercise that involves sharing your "guilty pleasure." We decided not to, since the last time my friend did a training and used that exercise, one of the participants said, "I like to go smoke lots of pot!" Great.

So I said, "How about we share our name and an innocent pleasure?"

She shot back, "Do you have any?"

Speaking of innuendo, one of the most challenging work situations I ran into happened back when I was working in PR. A client whose first language was not English hired us to redo her web site - and there was a part on the site that said how much they enjoyed servicing their customers.

Seriously.

I told my boss, "I'll let you handle that one."

Halloween 2.0

Too many funny things happened yesterday not to write about them. Also because I'm feeling rather grumpy, as today was much less funny, so here is an effort to un-grump.

First of all, how awesome was it that Ghostbusters was in the theater again for one night? There was no advertising about it here, I just happened to hear about it on the radio a couple of weeks ago, search it out and get tickets. The theater was only about two-thirds full - full of die-hard 80s dorks like myself and Mr. RK. (And yes, they really are releasing Ghostbusters 3 next year!)

It was funny to watch it as an adult - I got all the innuendo this time. At least I think I did.

So if you have watched that movie even once, you'll remember the exchange about dicklessness.

And what do you think the one line was that the audience recited back to the screen last night?

"It's true. This man has no dick."

Then we all roared.

Meanwhile, across town, Mr. RK's co-worker answered the door and a man dressed as a zombie just stood there, looking stoned. Finally he recognized the zombie as a former co-worker and said (in front of other parents and kids waiting for trick-or-treating), "Hey man! Come in and have a beer!"

Quickly the word spread. "They're giving away beer?"

Happy All Saints Day.