Loving the letter F

Scarlet assigned this to me...publicly...before I even signed up!

This meme - post a comment if you want to play - involves 1) you receiving a letter of the English alphabet, and 2) posting 10 things that you love that start with that letter.

So here goes...

1. Fundraising. I did it as a volunteer for lots of years (still do), but now I get to do it for a living, for a great cause.

2. Fudge. Yum, yum, yum!


3. Funny things. I love to laugh - life is too short not to.

4. Foreign movies.

5. Forks. The alternative is so much messier.

6. Father. I love daddy!

7. M. Frederick Davis. OK, this is cheating, but so what. I love my friend Mike D and his middle name begins with F!

8. Fall. It's my favorite season - at least before the rain begins. Then it sucks, but oh well!

9. Foreign languages. I love languages. I do get Spanish and Italian confused sometimes, though, which is irritating.

10. You knew this was coming...I love saying the word "fuck!" It's so versatile - verb, adverb, adjective, noun, etc. But you might not know that it has quite the literary history.
Find out more!

Now I get it!

Thank you, GOP, for teaching me what's what.

Now I know:

- Spending us into the ground with billions in deficit dollars from an illegal war is "defense spending" (even if it leaves you in a more vulnerable position militarily and causes you to lose respect worldwide) and tax cuts for the uber-rich"stimulating the economy" (even if it doesn't.)

- Spending money to help people making less than $250,000 a year and create new jobs, more funding for a crumbling infrastructure, and providing help for higher education, however, is "big government."

Thank you for the clarification!

I've also noted that letting felons have handguns is a matter of state's rights - but trying to amend the Constitution to prevent gay people from marrying isn't big government at all.

On the plus side, now I know where Dick Cheney came from.

Un-f*ck you!

Most of the time, I love my new boss. He is a bit of a control freak at times, but he has a sense of humor and wears jeans and swears. And I can do the same. What's not to love?

So today, when we were going over the invite list for an upcoming event, I noticed that one of the people had no address listed - although I knew I had included it the first time I saved the list.

So I said, "Oops - I have to resend you this list, because, um, it got -"

My boss: "Fucked up?"

Me: "Yes."

He: "Well, un-fuck it and resend it."

I blurted out, "Can you do that with people, too?"

He (snickering): "I don't think so."

I couldn't stop laughing for a long time. Which was really embarrassing, actually. But what a great concept!

Wouldn't that be a great way to erase some bad sex from memory? Simply command all of your less-than-talented ex-lovers, "Un-fuck me!"

PS Scarlet, I haven't forgotten the meme. I just had to come home and post about this because I found it so hilarious!

80s!

Don't tell me you don't remember Air Supply... I grew up in the 80s and involuntarily learned the words to all of their songs when my mom played their tapes in the car.

Every five years or so they come out with another greatest hits album, which always sells, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that they have another album that just came out. And I found out about it on Feminist Review, of all places!

I asked Mr. Riot Kitty, "I wonder how many marriage proposals were made during these songs in the 80s?"

And his reply: "And they all failed!"

The hair alone would have nixed the deal for me...

But what the hell...here's some nostalgia.

And let me know how you're betting: did the two lead guys sleep together? My vote is yes.

Do you have a spare chicken?

Who, I ask, writes a sentence like that and posts it on craigslist?

Perhaps the same person who writes something like this:

friend wants two young females- (clackamas)Date: 2009-02-18, 3:04PM PST

hello; a dear disabled friend need two female red lizard canaries. he is disabled and they will be going to a loving knowledgable home. thank you and god bless
joe

Tip for the uninitiated: you can find a lot of good laughs in the "wanted" section of this site.
And you might find more than red lizard canaries:

STRIPPER seeks Lady GaGa tickets! (NE Portland)
Date: 2009-02-18, 1:32PM PST

I need two tickets to the Lady Ga Ga show on March 17 in Portland. I have a group of friends who are going to be there and I didn't buy mine before it sold out.

Please call me ASAP to arrange a pickup. Cash. Now. Thank you!

You rock!

(ps - if you're interested, I'll throw in a gift certificate for a free private dance at Union Jack's) *But...the best laugh I've had all week is no longer available. They had SO MANY hits that their site crashed.

Because they were selling this T-shirt, which I would like to send to Peter Ellis of St. Augustine, Florida. Although it would be a lie, 'cause he's still a wanker.

Once in a blue moon

As many of you know, I'm a volunteer ESL teacher on Wednesday nights.

This "term," I'm teaching a group of intermediate students - usually I teach beginners - so the lessons are more advanced.

A couple of weeks ago, we were discussing time tenses - past, present, future, etc - and terms that go with them. Always. Never. Sometimes.

And I tried to explain, "Once in a blue moon." (That was difficult.)

Which brings me to the point - it is once in a blue moon that someone makes a gesture that truly touches me.

I am, by nature, a cynic. You don't become a journalist otherwise! I have tried to transform that into hope and positivity, especially because I work in the nonprofit world and you know we can all use all of the laughs we can get.

Today, I got home from a very busy day at work to find a lovely card in the mail from Green Tea.

She and her family have suffered a great loss and she has been able to rebound and go on as I don't think I'd have the strength to do.

Turns out, she and her family have worked and do work in the mental health field.

She enclosed a donation to our upcoming walk - the proceeds of which support mental health programs - in memory of her grandniece.

I can't tell you why this touched me so much - but I think you'll understand why it did.

Sponsor me, please?

Most of you who read this blog know I work for a mental health nonprofit.

Many of you might not know of my own personal struggles with depression and anxiety. Fortunately, I have always had a supportive family and the resources to pay for my prescription and other medical necessities.

Many people, however, cannot afford these necessities that can enable them to lead productive, happy lives - and they need our help!

Right now, our state's Ways and Means committee is considering an across the board cut of 13% of mental health services funding for the poorest, most vulnerable of our citizens. This is a slightly less painful version of the 20% cut recommended by our governor.

While we at the National Alliance on Mental Illness are advocating against these cuts, people living with mental illness here in the Northwest need NAMI's services more than ever - we must fill in the gaps for those who have no resources.

*Ninja edit: It's a walk! And it's in May. Minor details I left out. But I would like to fundraise now...*

May I count on you for a donation? Any amount - even $5 - will help!
Here's a link to donate if you can:

www.nami.org/namiwalks09/NOR/michelle

If you live in the area, I invite you come walk with me! You can sign up on the same page by clicking the "join our team" button.

With your help, we are continuing to provide free education classes,
advocacy at the state level, a free helpline, support groups and
resources for people in crisis.

We spend 89% of our money on programs. We NEVER give your information to other people or organizations, and we DO NOT SOLICIT more money from you.

This is a one-time thing.

Thank you for considering it!

Big hugs,
Riot Kitty

When life gives you lemons...

1. Squeeze the life out of them and add water, and drink to keep allergies at bay. (I'm not kidding. I learned this nifty little trick from my acupuncturist, and it works.)

2. If they are not good enough to drink, throw them at people you detest.

3. Name a blog award after them!

Seriously, thank you Fireblossom for nominating me for this award! Technically, because there are no actual other judges, I think I won (along with her other nominees, of course.)

So here's the scoop:

The Lemonade Award is for sites, which show great attitude and/or gratitude! (Guess which one I got it for? Hint: there was no award for the most frequent use of the word "fuck.")

Rules for the award:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs, which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Nominate your favorites and link to this post.

OK, here we go, in no ranking whatsoever, just as they pop into my head - and I am also including people who post frequently, so don't feel left out! I love you all!*

1. Scarlet
2. Granny Annie
3. Green Tea
4. Word Geek
5. Darthweasel
6. So Shiok!
7. Joey
8. Political Morsels
9. JLee's Place
10. Claire

Oh yeah - JLee's is for invited readers only, so if you're not on her sweet list, tough cookies :)

*Except for those of you that I don't. But hey - you're not reading this blog anyway, fuckheads.

I finally found my theme song!

Did you ever see the episode of Family Guy where Peter gets a theme song that starts playing whenever he walks?

Mr. Riot Kitty asked me once what my theme song would be.

And today, I finally found it!

Trying day...trying to make you laugh :)

I took 9 (!!!) strange helpline calls at work today (short staffed = reinventing job descriptions...let's say lots of "other duties as needed) and found out some other sad news that I won't write about here.

So...

Let's focus on the funny.

My dad is turning 60 this year (no, that's not the funny part!) and we are going to London in December on a trip.

The last time we went there together, we saw the Valentine's Day protest in 2003, where more than 1 million people turned out to protest the impending (and unfortunately soon to happen) invasion of Iraq. (The funny part of that story is that afterwards, they all went shopping! I know this to be true because we ducked into a few shops and the customers all left their protest signs outside while they went in and became crass capitalists again...)

I made a point of telling everyone we made small talk with - even waiters - that we had not voted for you-know-who.

This time around, we're both much less embarrassed to be American.

My dad wrote that it would be more fun this time around, "AND now that the evil twins, Blair and Bush, are out of office."

I replied: "Hahaha! I know! Having a non-evil president is like... Well, it's like every morning now feels like the first several after I quit smoking - I had gotten so accustomed to feeling shitty when I woke up, but I didn't notice *how* shitty until I quit!"

And he replied: "Excellent!!!!!! I felt that way when I escaped from S..."

S is his ex-wife - evil, but no known twin ;)

Family, Inc.

My friend K had a girl's night at her house last night - complete with crafting (I mastered my fear of the hot glue gun!), desserts and Sliding Doors.

(And yes, for those of you who are wondering, John Hannah is straight! Married, though...tough luck.)

So one of K's friends, C, is seven months pregnant with her second boy. We all got to talking about the pitfalls of mammalian birth (Pheromone Girl, you have just achieved superhero status, after the rib-spreading stories - I wince at papercuts), and the subject of the California woman who had octuplets - and now has a total of 14 kids - came up. Whew, how's that for a run-on sentence?

"I almost feel like a breeder having a second one," C said. "But 14?! Forget about social responsibility - and having enough resources - how do those kids get enough love and attention?"

I thought that was a really good point.

I don't have children and don't plan to, but I do have a set of younger siblings and I know what a scramble it is for my parents, even with my dad at home most of the time and my brother babysitting.

It's pretty obvious that this woman has some mental health issues. This is a conundrum, though - on the one hand, I wouldn't want the government to be able to tell people whether or not they can breed. On the other hand, though, who is the doctor that kept implanting this woman? Aren't there supposed to be some restrictions? Some psychological testing? Some limitations, because of the huge health risk to both the mother and babies?

And am I a bitch because I can't BELIEVE she likely funded this from her $165,000 in disability payments, and there is no partner to help her raise them? I am not against single parenthood, but 14?!

It's enough people to have a strike!

And what about all of the kids in orphanages around the world that are would love to go home to a family? Wouldn't that be a better option than popping them out like puppies?

What do you think?

The awesome feminist rant!

One more reason I adore J, my friend who is our intern at work...check out the letter she wrote. I vote that she starts her own blog! What do you think?

She sent me an e-mail titled, "My first angry Super Bowl Rant"

...with many MANY more to follow!!"

To whom it may concern:
(Bridgestone Corporate Office)

I write to you today as a concerned consumer, feminist and an American. I am writing to let you know my deep concern about your "taters" ad that ran during the SuperBowl. I and many others find this commercial offensive for its blatant sexism.

Your commercial depicted terrible male and female stereotypes. Not only did you portray a woman as nothing but a shrieking, nagging wife but you showed a man as a cold, smug clod that was more than happy to keep a woman in her place.

These commercials hurt everyone. The message that you sent was that women are stupid and should be silenced. Have we got news for you!

WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED. WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS ANYMORE. WE WILL NOT TAKE THIS ABUSE FROM YOU OR ANYONE!

So you fat cats can sit around and make this kind of tripe, but we, the feminists and concerned citizens of this wonderful country are not going to take it. It should go without saying you have PERMANENTLY lost many customers, myself included.

I, on behalf of ALL persons offended and affected by your disgraceful act, demand a formal apology as well as a retraction of this ad. You, your ad agency and entire company ought to be ashamed.

What do your mothers think? Sisters? Daughters? Grandmothers? Aunts? Cousins? Girlfriends? Friends? Did any of them feel belittled? Were any of them affected by this?

What sort of world are you creating? How are you making this a better place?

SHAME ON YOU.

-Ms. J
Portland , Oregon

Let's take a vote

So I was thinking that after my ex-coworker cooled down, I'd send her a nice card or e-mail, and ask that she find it in her heart not to be angry, and let her know I'm sorry she got laid off.

She was into all of that mellow new agey crap, after all.

Then I come into work today, and she had come in over the weekend to clear out the rest of her stuff.

And the plant I gave her was sitting on my desk.

Damn. How long can a person stay angry? Especially at someone who didn't do anything?

So at that point I thought...well, fuck you!

It is easier for me to be pissed off than admit my feelings are hurt.

Do I write her off, or do I send the card?

Seriously, what do you think?

It is to laugh

I don't know about you, but I love to laugh. I try to make other people laugh - usually I make them laugh by accident, though.

The other night at my ESL class, we spent the last five minutes of class talking about mistakes I made in Spanish when I went on an exchange in Mexico in high school. I could see they were trying to be polite, but everyone cracked up...which was great. No matter how many times I tell my students to ask for help if they need it, and not to be embarrassed, they're still pretty shy - and nothing lightens the mood like laughing.

On that note, I wish I could be as funny as the person who designed this greeting card (check out the photo.) How the hell do people think of stuff like this?