Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Well, not really. But do you remember that brand of nail polish? Are they still in business?
I have been feeling really off today, from wanting to sleep in and stay in bed all day with my head under the covers, to being late for work, to being overly sensitive about just about everything.
Then I remembered: tomorrow would be my great aunt's 83rd birthday.
I've posted about her before, if you care to read more about the greatest woman I have ever met. It is a privilege to share her DNA.
It has been a year and a half - longer actually - after a nasty and quick bout with cancer took her. None of us thought her body would give in while her mind was still sharp. In April, she was feeling like she had flu; in August, she was gone.
I still think, "Oh, I've got to call Aunt Marie..."
I still see neat socks and think about sending them to her.
I still see flowers blooming and want to write her, an amazing gardener, about them.
I still cry and want her shoulder.
She was the only member of my family who had no bad side, who never got angry, who never made me feel bad about myself at any point in my life.
In my most difficult moments I turned to her - older, conservative, unchanging - and she loved me, younger, liberal, swearing, brash, opinionated, ungrateful.
I became grateful. She became one of my best friends.
She has come to me in dreams, several times.
The other night, after a mild anxiety attack about stupid stuff at work, what finally enabled me to sleep was imagining what she'd say if I could talk to her.
I miss the hell out of her, guys.