Wednesday, April 30, 2008
As if it wasn't impossible enough to get sexually harassed by someone named John Holmes, I got the blood sucked out of me (verbally) yesterday by someone whose last name is Leach!
I feel like I'm in the middle of a sitcom. Or perhaps a really bad attempt at theater.
By the way, if you didn't get the joke in the subject line, you MUST go out and buy Richard Feynman's books RIGHT NOW! I don't care if you're not interested in physics...he's fabulous and funny.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
published by me!
I stole this from Foster Communications and JLee, who stole it from WIGSF who stole it from Miss Ash...
My roommate and I once: Couldn't figure out why the key wouldn't open our apartment in NYC. It turns out we were on the wrong floor (this was before I quit drinking ;)
Never in my life have I: Wanted to be a Republican
High school was: Shitty. Hated every minute of it.
When I am nervous I: Get coffee.
My hair is: Ash colored. Brownish.
When I was 5: I was bossy.
By this time next year: I will have paid down some bills and have gone on a trip with Mr. Riot Kitty.
I have a hard time understanding: Greed.
You know I like you if: I open up to you. I am usually the listener in regards to personal stuff.
My ideal breakfast is: Eggs, fake veggie sausages, juice and hash browns. Cooked by someone else.
If you visit my hometown: You will want to run away screaming.
If you spend the night at my house: My cat will probably try to eat your hair.
My favorite blonde is: The 1950s sassy girl in the dishtowel series who doesn't cook, clean, or need a male.
My favorite brunette is: Mr. Riot Kitty.
The animal I would like to see flying is: A porcupine, because it would be hilarious.
I shouldn’t: Blurt things out that I really shouldn't. Luckily this doesn't happen very often, but it has happened too much lately!
Last night I: Went out for dessert with Mr. Riot Kitty and Darth and his wife, who are cool people and great friends.
If I could have any car it would be: A Mustang convertible that somehow got great mileage and was able to run on biodiesel...
I’ve been told I look like: Familiar. I kid you not. People everywhere, from the housekeeping/maintenance staff at work, to strangers at the coffee shop, have told me this. I'd like to think I'm a bit more unique...should perhaps dye my hair blue. Although then I'd probably be told I look like Cookie Monster.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I couldn't possibly make this up.
I just started work for a nonprofit, and one of the people I met today, who works for an affiliate, has the same name as the late porn star.
So naturally he's been the butt of jokes in the office...my boss got a voicemail from her friend, letting her know that her John Holmes blowup doll was ready...
Turns out Mr. Holmes likes looking at asses and looking us up and down in a completely obvious sort of way. So I marched into my executive director's office tonight and said - we were talking about boundaries with constituents - "Speaking of boundaries, if John Holmes ever looks down my shirt again, I'm going to step on his foot - HARD - and pretend it was an accident!"
Which of course made the director apologize and sweat bullets...and it probably wasn't very nice of me because he isn't responsible for this guy and tends towards nervous and awkward anyway...
But still! You have to see the humor in it.
And the likelihood of a penis very unlike the John Holmes original.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Translation: Only one word
I snagged this from Jlee. You can only respond with ONE word to each question...sort of an interesting writing exercise.
1. Where is your mobile phone? table
2. Your significant other? Sean
3. Your hair? brownish
4. Your mother? nuts
5. Your father? awesome
6. Your favorite thing? bliss
7. Your dream last night? bizarre
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
9. Your dream/goal? books
10. The room you're in? guest
11. Your ex? rat
12. Your fear? disaster
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. Where were you last night? beach
15. What you're not? fake
16. Muffins? blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? sunshine
18. Where you grew up? California
19. The last thing you did? chat
20. What are you wearing? clothing
21. Your TV? nil
22. Your pets? cats
23. Your computer? new
24. Your life? settling
25. Your mood? recharging
26. Missing someone? Ward
27. Your car? burgundy
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Favorite Store? none
30. Your summer? unpredictable
31. Like someone? many
32. Your favorite color? red
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? yesterday
35. Who will/would re-post this? ?
Thursday, April 10, 2008
For those of you who haven't caught that Eddie Izzard reference...go watch his DVDs RIGHT NOW!!
Unless you don't like laughing, that is.
Seriously - I do a lot of private fundraising for causes that are dear to me. This May I am walking in the NAMI Northwest fundraising walk in Portland, Oregon, raising money for advocacy and services that the National Alliance on Mental Illness provides for families and individuals.
So here is a shameless appeal for cash - a $5 or $10 contribution to the walk would be fantastic - and I will be walking my ass off for a 5K, rain or shine!
Also, a very generous person has offered to match every dollar I raise - so your donation automatically doubles.
Of course, giving you the link to my walk page (where you can make a donation and find out more about NAMI) temporarily ruins my anonymity, but hey...you people read through my rants and still stick around, so you should be OK ;)
Monday, April 07, 2008
After getting a lecture from his supervisor about acting unprofessional, a co-worker said to my husband, "You won't fucking believe this. I just got chewed out for being unprofessional. Can you believe that shit?"
Um, in a word: yes.
Friday, April 04, 2008
My friend in Ellington, CT (population...well, I'm not exactly sure, but not too many) send me an article from his local paper...
Apparently several people have spotted Batman jogging around town.
Being a former runner myself, I know runners can be weird people...but this takes the cake, no?
My question: wouldn't it get hot under that cape?
PS Update!!! See the new pic for a glimpse of the Ellington Batman! (Thanks, Mike D!)
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Today is my "older" younger brother's 29th birthday. (I also have a 12-year-old brother and 7-year-old sister, who are also in this picture, which was taken last year.)
I am hoping this year will be the year that his excellent writing and hard work will pay off in the form of the great American book contract, so he can be the great American novelist...
In the meantime, he is loving up my little sibs part-time (and just about all of the time, actually) and slaving away at the computer. Tonight he is at a My Chemical Romance Concert with my dad, and they're probably the only two there who are old enough to drive ;)
He is pretty patient with all of our quirks (mine especially), willing to listen anytime someone needs to bend his ear, willing to read something anytime I want feedback. And he did the kick-ass illustrations for my children's book.
Happy birthday, Nik!