
For those of you who aren't on the do not call list...or are tired of getting political candidate calls...
Here's a short how-to guide, courtesy of
Mr. Riot Kitty and his friend Dave. This has all been said in the following types of phone calls!
When a credit card company calls with an offer:
Caller: "Heeeeeeeeeey, we have an XYZ card at just 27.5 percent interest!"
You: "Oh...no. I can't go through this again."
Caller: "You have been pre-selected-"
You: "After last time..um..all the therapy...no."
Caller: "The approval process is-"
You: "You don't understand! There were BAGS of porn!"
Caller: "We can have a card sent-"
You: "I can't have the police here anymore. She will divorce me for sure this time. When she saw the German Scheisse video, well, it wasn't good."
Caller: "Scheisse?"
You: "You know, when she-"
Caller -click- line is dead.
When a political candidate calls you:
Politician: "Hi. I'm calling to let you know that I am running for election in XYZ county"
You: "Hang on...Suzy, lean a little more to the left! Save the pudding for later."
Politician:"My stand differs from my opponent because I do not support-"
You: "Just a sec... Hey! Add the orange!"
Politician:"I do NOT support putting babies on spikes"
You: "Yea, wait a moment...Are you going to take all day? We don't have that much film left. And get your hair out of the way!"
Politician: "I'll try back at a better time"
When your naive friend who your wife will never, EVER forgive passes on your phone number to a retirement planner:
Caller: "Hi, I am a retirement plan consultant. Blah blah Blah"
You: "My retirement plan is taken care of."
Caller: "Do you mind if I ask what your retirement plan is?"
You: "We will be collected."
Caller: "Collected?"
You: "By the mother ship."
Caller: "The mother ship. Do you have a will or estate plan? It's never too early-" (sounding flustered)
You: "We don't need to have a will or estate plan. We will all be collected at he same time."
Caller: "OK. Uh, if you need any of my services you have my number" -click-