Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Words for Wednesday: for reals

First off, I'm hoping this time around I'm not getting any more lecturers from prudes. Thanks to all of you who supported me during that fuckery!

This has been a week where I've been presented with situations that cause me to ask, "For real?" (Or more honestly, "Are you fucking kidding me?")

My ex has a sleep study tonight to see how bad his sleep apnea is. He was given a printed list of instructions of what *not* to do during said study, including:
- Taking sleep aids
- Bringing guests (reminder, this study is done in a sleep lab, not your house)
- Masturbate
Which means that enough people have done ALL of these things that it necessitates such an instruction list!

Meanwhile, a friend who is an attorney is banging his head against the wall because a jury is coming out with questions like this: "Was there a dashcam in the undercover cop car that captured the drug sales?"

Yes, really. I reminded him that dumb people can make it onto juries. Given the current mistrust of law enforcement, he said these days everyone wants to act like they're on CSI.

Another interesting tidbit: volunteering last Saturday, I saw a guy who I hadn't seen since my first night volunteering back in September. It was good to see him - he said he usually doesn't come on Saturdays, which is the only night I can get out there - because when you don't see people for awhile, you wonder if something bad has happened to them.

Anyhow, I was wearing a Beatles t-shirt and he said back in 1965, he bought a ticket to see them for $1.50, and decided to skip the concert and go to the beach instead! "And," he said, "I've been regretting it ever since."
I'm thinking about starting another blog with stories like this from the people I meet volunteering. A lot of people don't think about homeless individuals having stories, lives, etc. It helps take some of the stigma away if you chat with a person.

So my words for Wednesday are:
Beatles
undercover
instructions
dash cam
ticket
stories

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Words for Wednesday (idiocy version)

I'm sorry to say that event season can be idiot season. Or as a friend says, "I'm afraid I think that every season is idiot season!"

*A ninja edit for those who feel they need to correct my language. If you can't handle the word fuck, don't visit this blog. I don't appreciate lectures. I'm going through a divorce and have a loved one with terminal cancer, and I am entitled to say fuck, thank you very much!*

Case in point. Sunday, I get an email from someone that has our 5,000 person event name in the subject line and he says, "Hey, RK! I'll be there. Let me know any details I need to know."

I thought, since he got my email address from the event website itself, that no one could possibly send an email so moronic...so I asked if he was the one from his organization hosting their table.

"No, I just plan to show up. What do I need to know? See you there? "

Yes. Really. Because there are only, like, 12 of us coming.
Another call. "It says to enter my fundraising goal. What should I put?"

Maybe I should give you 50 cents to call someone who gives a shit?

In addition to being the IT whisperer, I am also expected to be the idiot whisperer.
Then my least favorite person in the organization (and we have about 2,000 members in our state, so that is saying a lot) keeps calling and emailing with questions like, "Can you send me the direct link that shows this information?" (Tip for the uninitiated: he created the link.)

So my words are:
Idiocy
Fuck
Platypus (someone else suggested that while I was typing. Please don't fuck platypus.)
Painful
Crying
Fuckery (this shit deserves two fucks, methinks.)

Have fun. 

PS I will visit blogs as soon as the fuckery dies down a bit.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Words for Wednesday (annoyed version)

Hello! First of all, I *love* all of the contributions from last week! I'm still catching up on blogs and will check out the ones who posted on your own pages. Once again, I am taking over for the wonderful Sue of the Elephant's Child blog.

And just for the hell of it, because it made me howl with laughter and prompt a family member to see what the hell was going on, I'm including this amazing illustration from my friend She Who Seeks' blog post about Bunnies Behaving Badly. Don't you wish there was a Little Golden Book like this when you were growing up? Maybe I'll write one.

My words this week are ANNOYED. Because, once again, it's event season. Did I mention that I am the first person in this role who does not have a full-time assistant (no assistant at all, actually) for this event? Which is the largest one in our field of advocacy in our state? OCD works for me! Seriously, I told my boss everyone who has this job in the future will require that (my) diagnosis to get all of the details taken care of.

Some of the things going on daily...

1. People who have no business trying to register online expecting me to be their personal tech guru. Use a fucking paper form! Really, this is an option! You don't have to join the 21st, or even 20th, century for this event.

2. Said people bitching about why we can't make the website easier, telling me how they loved the last website, when they bitched about the last one too!

3. The same people emailing all of their team members about me, telling them I'll fix any technical support issue they have.

I truly love advocacy work, and I don't mind the fundraising. But for the love of God, I'm not IT!

So here are my words for Wednesday:

Shoo
Irritable
Bother
Whine
Voodoo
Scream
Fuck
Off

I am allowed six to a dozen, so there you have it.

Wednesday, April 06, 2016

Words for Wednesday

Hello! I'm at least temporarily out of my cat cave. I'm sorry for the absence and will visit your blogs soon.

My good friend Sue at the Elephant's Child blog passed the torch on to me for Words for Wednesday.
The skinny: I give you words, you run with (and write with) them if you so choose.

This has been a trying time, so I am choosing words that represent things I take solace in:

Coffee
Profanity
Cats
Flowers
Cards
Writing


I look forward to seeing what you come up with!

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Sure, buy me a muffin. Who are you?

Is it me, or is way too much texting done for work these days?

As a general precaution I sometimes exchange cell phone numbers with people in case something comes up DOE.

But it's a bit weird to get a text like this, from an unknown number:

"Sorry about all the emailing you had to do to make sure I had the right time. Will make it up to you Friday. Will BUY YOU A MUFFIN!"
Really? How about telling me who the hell you are first? And...who capitalizes muffin? Ever?

It's just about event time, which means 1. I will have PMS that week, and 2. I start to get unreasonable requests.

I got this meal request from someone the other day:

Mind you...she has come to this event every year for the past 8 years and had no restrictions. Also, what is with the "no soda or chocolate or MSG?" Does she think we're going to force feed her soda and chocolate Chinese food? Just curious.

Update: Today, she called to un-RSVP. In lieu of attendance, she wants me to write up a synopsis of what each speaker says. Since we're going to have 300+ guests, that should be no problem, right?

Anything ridiculous going on in your lives?

Sunday, March 06, 2016

People I would like to tell to fuck off

No, a complete list cannot fit in this very small space.

I'm sorry for the long absences. Mr. RK and I are getting divorced. Although it is the right thing, it sucks. I have slept well about one night in 2016, which makes it difficult to do just about anything else that isn't absolutely necessary.

We're very lucky to have awesome friends who are like adopted family supporting us through this - and to those of you who are reading this now, big hugs from Oregon.

To the random people who know us only peripherally and have been giving us advice, two words: FUCK OFF! And to the people who have started flirting (or worse), you can fuck YOURSELVES.

And a few questions.

1. I'm the same person I was a few months ago. Why do you (guys) think it's suddenly appropriate to A. Flat out ask me to sleep with you, or B. Start paying me lots of attention and think I won't figure out why?

2. Why is it that suddenly some of you people (even ones who are currently in shitty relationships) see fit to give personal advice? I have been told A. To never give up! (As if two consenting adults realizing that they will be much happier apart than together, even though it will be temporarily very painful, is giving up or taking the easy way out.) B. To not start dating immediately, but stay home and be celibate. I should just tell all of these people I have a very expensive/very effective vibrator. (Yes, when it comes to those, you definitely get what you pay for.) C. Generally insert opinions where they are not wanted, when they have not been invited. (I can think of a place they can be inserted, let me tell you.)

3. Religious relatives emailing me and telling me why there is, in their opinion, a Biblical justification for the split (even though I am not a Christian and not their brand of evangelical) when I didn't ask.

4. Religious relatives offering vitamin supplements to help the stress go away. (No, I am not making this up.)

I miss everyone in the blogging community. It has just been a struggle to do the basics (work, daily obligations) and try to make sure everyone involved comes out intact. I will visit as soon as I get unburied from some of this load.

Yours truly,

RK

Thursday, February 04, 2016

I have eaten the communication breakdown burger, and it tastes terrible!

There are more stressful than usual things afoot here. Sorry for the hiatus and I will visit you all soon!

In the meantime, here is a big, open FUCK YOU, POTTERY BARN!

I have a marketing background. Obviously, whoever you hired to do your marketing is smoking crack. Or pot, more likely. Because only someone completely stoned would have this brainstorm:

Hmm, someone ordered a comforter from our website.
I know! Let's sign them up for EVERY EMAIL LIST FOR EVERY COMPANY WE OWN! And let's make them unsubscribe INDIVIDUALLY, EACH TIME, FROM EACH LIST! Even though she may not have heard of some of these places!

Fuck you, Pottery Barn! I may just send your marketing department some edible penises, or used sex toys.