Saturday, September 29, 2007

Shamelessly pimping for my bro's writing

From Kirkus Review! My bro, Nik Houser, gets a mention (out of many stories in the volume, btw):

The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror (anthology)
> Kirkus Reviews*: Bring out the bone china-a critically acclaimed
> fantasy/horror annual celebrates its 20th anniversary in grand style. At
> this point, readers of this annual anthology pretty much know what to
> expect from each fresh entry in the series. There's a comprehensive
> summing-up of the cream of the previous year's fantasy and horror in
> various types of media, followed by an enjoyable and occasionally
> surprising selection of stories and poems from both rising stars (Margo
> Lanagan, Ysabeau S. Wilce, Sarah Monette, M. Rickert) and established
> names (Joyce Carol Oates, Jeffrey Ford, Gene Wolfe, Delia Sherman).
> Highlights include Wilce's delightful "The Lineaments of Gratified
> Desire" (How can you not love a story starring a four-year-old kidnapped
> princess nicknamed "Tiny Doom"?); Christopher Rowe's chilling view of a
> fundamentalist future in "Another Word for Map Is Faith"; Nik Houser's
> "First Kisses from Beyond the Grave," a howlingly funny
> high-school-is-purgatory tale; Ellen Klages's cozy love letter to
> devourers of the printed page, "In the House of the Seven Librarians";
> and "The Night Whiskey," Ford's creepy, elegiac meditation on the
> suffocating nature and bizarre rituals of small-town life. Worth a space
> on any bookshelf.

How cool is that? So what are you all waiting for? Go out and buy the book!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A note to Gen. Peter Pace

who says gay sex is immoral...

Sorry there aren't more pressing issues facing our military, my friend - say, a losing war in Iraq and a lack of eager recruits.

Furthermore, don't knock it until you try it :)

With a first name like Peter, what have you got to lose?

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Picture yourself on the Simpsons...


This site will do it:

All you need is a head shot.

And - voila!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Ah, the joys of ghost writing.

Once in awhile, we ghost write quotes and other things for authors at work. This week, however, oh joy of joys, I got to write a review. To do this, I had to read a book written about an inflatable doll.

And I had to TRY TO write the review from the point of view of a horny 41-year-old, motorcycle-riding author who thinks Jack Kerouac is a hack, has sucked the toes of one of my co-workers and told her he wants to fuck me. He's a good writer, and I've had some interesting correspondence with him.

*Edit note: The key word is TRY. I may have failed completely.

I was embarrassed enough to write the review because - well, it involves an inflatable doll - but then I thought, to hell with it! I'll share it with the rest of you:

As an author who blends humor with social critique, I was interested in AUTHOR's first work of fiction (he has written some 25 works of nonfiction.)

Newly paroled valet (CHARACTER) is a Los Angeles 20-something who's simultaneously disgusted and intrigued by the celebrities whose cars he parks at a five-star hotel. In an attempt to inspire jealousy in the girl of his dreams, he creates - and makes headlines with - a life-like inflatable doll personifying an aging but sexy actress who is staying at the hotel.

Instead of backfiring, (character's) ploy lands him his dream job, endless cash and booze, and a contract to be arm candy for the actress, Ms. CHARACTER, whose breasts are almost as pert as her ego. What follows is a hilarious romp involving silicone and superhero underwear; the cast of characters ranges from a Hungarian bellhop to a celebrity-stalking couple in a Winnebago.

Even though he's slightly pathetic at first, I found myself rooting for (CHARACTER), who embarks on this adventure in the interest of getting into a beautician's pants. (Haven't we all had that urge? Regular pedicures will do wonders for any relationship.)

A hilarious read, (BOOK) is also a clever poke in the eye at celebrity culture, as well as America's intrigue with the famous and infamous.

Let me warn you in advance, however, that the only guy who gets laid in this book is the partner of the inflatable doll - but it's not who you think.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Haven't we moved beyond this?

First off, I am no fan of 1) Republicans, 2) politicians from Idaho, 3) people who want to deny gay Americans rights, or 4) hypocrites. So let me express that Sen. Larry Craig, R-ID, is not my favorite guy.

Nevertheless, I can't help wondering what fucking century we are in when the people of Minnesota are paying the police to go undercover and bust men soliciting sex in airport restrooms.

What the hell? If I wanted to have sex in a public place, it would definitely be somewhere cleaner, but hey - aren't we constantly hearing about how understaffed and underfunded our law enforcement agencies are? And our supposedly limited tax dollars that are allocated to them are being spent this way?

What good does this do? Really, Minnesota police, I'd like to know.

It must really suck to be the cop assigned to that beat. Worse than giving parking tickets, I'm sure...imagine their dinner conversation.

Spouse: Honey, how was work today?
Cop: Same old, same old. Except you'll never believe who wanted to suck my dick in the stall today: a gay-bashing Republican senator from Idaho!

I suppose the good thing is that if all of these homophobic Republicans get outed, the number of Republicans in office will definitely dwindle. :)