Wednesday, March 04, 2009

What (do) I know (?)

Joey made up his own meme!

As with Scarlet, I got a shout-out on the post...and for all of you who think I just sit around and say "fuck!" all day - well, I say other stuff, you'll find out if you read on.

First - here are the meme rules:

1. You've got to post a link from the person who tagged you.

2. List 8 things that you know about on your chosen subject. You get to choose the subject.
3. You don't have to tag anyone but you can if you want. If you do, let them know on their blog that they've been tagged.
4. List the rules.

I have no use for rules. Do whatever you like - I tag

Grannie Annie
Political Morsels
Mike D

So now for the good stuff!

Eight rules about what not to say in public - or, what should not be missed by your little internal social editor:

1. When a 22-year-old, churchgoing, recent college graduate tells you he has a "bag of tricks" for your ESL class, do NOT say, "Did it come from Spartacus?" (Tip for non-Portlanders: that is a sex shop with some quality leather items.)

2. When going to the free health clinic in college to get free condoms with two of your female friends, and hearing that they only have four, do NOT say, "Well, maybe one of us will get lucky twice!"

3. When you are a reporter, walking into an editorial board meeting with several higher-ups from a regional government office, and you notice that one of your sources has a new haircut, do NOT say, "Ed! I haven't seen you with your new hair!"

4. When you see your friend's friend wearing jeans that have a huge hole near the crotch - and I mean HUGE, because you can see what color his boxers are - and you're on the East Coast and it's mid-December, and below freezing out, do NOT say, "Shit! Doesn't your dick get cold in those pants?"

5. When asked not to swear so much (in a newsroom of all places!) and you accidentally say, "Fuck," do NOT apologize by saying, "Oh shit, sorry!"

6. When getting a ticket, and finding yourself unable to talk or plead your way out of it, do NOT say to the cop, "I know why you have parking ticket duty - you must have FUCKED UP somehow to get assigned to this job!"

7. When sitting on a plane from Newark, do NOT sneer and mention "fucking New Yorkers" to when chatting with your seatmate, who happens to be one. Of course you don't know this ahead of time, because he has no accent...fucking New Yorker.

8. When getting in trouble with HR for saying "fuck" too much in the newsroom, do NOT, in front of the HR manager, your editor, and your publisher, say the following: "I think 'fuck' is a lot less offensive than 'God damn,' or 'Jesus Christ.' But I'll stop saying 'fuck' so much if you think it's offensive. However, everyone in the newsroom says 'fuck.'"

It's all true, unfortunately...I said all of these things. Fortunately, I now work in an office where I have to compete with my boss to say "fuck" more than he does.



Darth Weasel said...

funny stuff. and so true.

Claire said...

Oh man, you make me chuckle!


Fireblossom said...

Effin funny!

And, er....I am not seeing Scary Clown yet. Where is Scary Clown?

JLee said...

Those are awesome! haha
I'm glad you found a place that feels like home now ;)
Thanks for the tag. I will work on something...

Granny Annie said...

How can any of us top what you have done? LOL Okay, I'll give it a try but might have to wait until our company leaves.

Scarlet said...

Ha! Of course, #4 was my favorite...but they're all hilarious! :D

Btw, I'm with you on #8...all the way.

LL Cool Joe said...

Oh cool you did them!!

Sorry I've been ill. Great list.

Actually I wasn't talking about you saying "fuck" the whole time, it was more about you thinking of fucking all the time! :D

Thanks for doing the meme! There have been some really good ones so far. :)

Green tea said...

I'm sending you some soap.. :D

vivavavoom said...

These are great but I have NO idea what the fuck (I love that word too) to write about. I need more guidance with these memes. you are too cool for school!

D said...

Now that was fucking funny!!! Fuck is one of my favorite words, so I always appreciate your usage of it. :-)
Btw, if you wanted to keep the anonymous from commenting, you can go with leaving the openid setting and I'll just use my wordpress address to comment. Thanks for opening it back up!

Fireblossom said...

hey pretty Kitty,

Sorry about the meme. Strictly my fault. I felt it was too negative for Word Garden. I used to have a second blog called Dr. Pemberton's Home Remedies, and it was pure snark, but i didn't feel snarky often enough to keep it afloat. Anyway, I deleted the meme cos I felt it disturbed the mood of WG. Again, strictly my fault, I should have chosen a different topic. Forgive me? I still lub ya like always!

Riot Kitty said...

Fireblossom: I noticed it was missing when I went to copy the link to send to a friend, because it was so FUNNY! Will you let me post it here?

You should all check out Darth, Mike D and Political Morsels...funny stuff.

Claire, you're too sweet to be tagged for this game ;)