Thursday, June 18, 2009
Can you imagine doing the marketing research?
A friend asked me a horrible question last night - because it was about another friend. One she plans to sleep with.
Her: "I should probably pick up some condoms, just in case. What size do you think I should get?"
Me: "I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT MR X'S DICK!!!!"
But seriously. That got me thinking. Not about Mr. X's dick, but I mean, how does one buy condoms for a partner? I've only bought them once, years ago, for someone I was already dating.
I never thought about what size to get (in that case, I already knew.)
So why don't they make assorted condom packages? You know, just in case? Like a box of doughnuts.
Then I got curious: what sizes ARE available? Online, there was a chart.
Apparently, for all of those SUV-driving, gun-toting manly men out there, there is no such size as "small." There is a size called "trim."
Like a fucking diet pill!!
Who came up with that one? Can you picture the marketing suits sitting around the table working that one out?
Marking person #1: "Let's try 'teeny.'"
Marketing person #2: "Perhaps 'slim.'"
Marketing person #3: "I've got it! 'Trim!'"
Marketing person #3 won the prize and the other two got fired.
Seriously, SOMEONE had to go out and do the research for this chart.
Someone had to buy each pack - did they draw straws, and the shortest straw got "trim"? Or maybe, Mr. RK says, Sally from accounts payable just happened to be familiar with all of them?
And what about "wide"? What the fuck? How wide is wide?
And who had to measure each condom before posting the information online? Inquiring minds want to know!
Who thought glow-in-the-dark was a good idea? Or the bubble-gum flavored ones? Are these for comic book fans?
All I know is...I hope I never have to see one of these again. Or think about any of my friends wearing them. Don't get me wrong: safe sex is important; I just don't want to picture it.
PS If you click on the image, it becomes full size. Ha.