Monday, June 22, 2009

Monday sucketh

I'm wondering HOW, EXACTLY, I am going to make it through nearly three more months of these weekly Monday meetings with volunteers working on our fundraiser.

I'm also debating which option I'd rather choose to do for 90 minutes each week, in lieu of the meeting:

1. Sucking the pond scum off of dead fish.
2. Sharing my pillow with Karl Rove
3. Eat mountains and mountains of carrots, followed by mountains of meat. (I am a vegetarian and I hate carrots.)
4. Letting a horny goat lick the back of my ears.
5. Watching Michael Bay movie marathons for 24 hours or more. (Hint: I thought Mr. RK was a fucking genius when he said, "I wish we could go back in time and neuter Michael Bay's parents.")
6. Having a three-way with two jellyfish

Because you see, the meetings usually go like this (with the exception of one dear volunteer:)
A. Everyone takes a turn being rude to the staff.
B. Everyone also takes a turn making - no, pressing - dumb suggestions.
C. Everyone seems to have all of the fucking time in the world.
D. Everyone complains that there is not enough time to do the event by the time we have scheduled the event, even though they all signed up to help and the fucking letters have all gone out.

Want to sub for me?

I'm deciding that it's going to be Reward Mondays from now on. I will demand junk food, a foot rub, or god knows what else to bring calm, or at least post-junk food stupor, into my Monday nights.

Any suggestions? I'm thinking: cheesecake, Oreo blizzards, cheese enchiladas, and British comedy.


pheromone girl said...

Add to your suggestions a set of Office Monkeys and a box of Animal Crackers- after which to name each vounteer - and I think you're set.

And you wonder why I'm too busy to be on this committee???

LL Cool Joe said...

You reminded me of why I've always been self employed.

I'd need a sugar fix, so I'd add Wine Gums to the list.

Aliceson said...

I'd definitely go with the horny goat, although you'll need 37 showers afterward because seriously horny goats stink to high heaven!

That sucks that your volunteers are acting shitty. I guess nothing is free these days including charity work.

The mention of cheescake and cheese enchiladas has me salivating and it's not even 6AM yet. Thanks for that!

The Peach Tart said...

I'd have to have a special treat morning, noon and night

Fireblossom said...

Sings: I don't like mondayys...

Kim said...

Is it wrong that I actually like #3 and #4?

Okay, maybe a little of #2 as well. (Hey, there's a reason most straight guys on porns are so ugly-- we all secretly are a little fascinated by it. Some of us take it a little too far, i.e. the whole Julia Roberts/ Lyle Lovett union.)

Anonymous said...

I'd go with the horny goat, as long as it was gentle with me.

Claire said...

Oh, meetings. Haaaaate.


Grandpa Eddie said...

My suggestion is that you go to the nearest Farm Supply store and buy yourself a nice, long, leather bullwhip.

I guarantee you'll get their attention and there won't be any more whining and time wasting.

Scarlet said...

A three way with two jelly fish?? You make me afraid to go back in the water.

What else to add to the list? How about a mango shake with a plate of chorizo bread? OMG, you have to try that!!

A nice Pedro Almodóvar film like Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down might work, too...on a laptop DURING the meeting. ;)

Anonymous said...

What kind of jellyfish? If you're going for the box jellyfish then you do have it pretty damn bad.

Riot Kitty said...

Joey: WISH I could be self-employed sometimes ;)Usually I love my job...just not this bunch.

Thanks for the advice on the horny goats, everyone...and Small Bytes: the stinging kind!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'd take the stinging jellyfish any day over my boss. If you dealt with him for even five minutes during one of his moods, I'd give you the next round of flavored condoms I come across!