Monday, June 22, 2009
I'm wondering HOW, EXACTLY, I am going to make it through nearly three more months of these weekly Monday meetings with volunteers working on our fundraiser.
I'm also debating which option I'd rather choose to do for 90 minutes each week, in lieu of the meeting:
1. Sucking the pond scum off of dead fish.
2. Sharing my pillow with Karl Rove
3. Eat mountains and mountains of carrots, followed by mountains of meat. (I am a vegetarian and I hate carrots.)
4. Letting a horny goat lick the back of my ears.
5. Watching Michael Bay movie marathons for 24 hours or more. (Hint: I thought Mr. RK was a fucking genius when he said, "I wish we could go back in time and neuter Michael Bay's parents.")
6. Having a three-way with two jellyfish
Because you see, the meetings usually go like this (with the exception of one dear volunteer:)
A. Everyone takes a turn being rude to the staff.
B. Everyone also takes a turn making - no, pressing - dumb suggestions.
C. Everyone seems to have all of the fucking time in the world.
D. Everyone complains that there is not enough time to do the event by the time we have scheduled the event, even though they all signed up to help and the fucking letters have all gone out.
Want to sub for me?
I'm deciding that it's going to be Reward Mondays from now on. I will demand junk food, a foot rub, or god knows what else to bring calm, or at least post-junk food stupor, into my Monday nights.
Any suggestions? I'm thinking: cheesecake, Oreo blizzards, cheese enchiladas, and British comedy.