Friday, April 17, 2009


As in, Happy Fucking Friday! This has been a looooooooooooooooooong week.

So I thought in light of the last post, it was definitely time for a laugh, and I didn't have to look very hard to find one. I'm reading The Golden Bowl by Henry James, and one of the character's names is - I could not make this up - Fanny Assingham.

Which is even funnier because "fanny" is slang for female bits in the UK. (My dad, an American, found this out the hard way...on a business trip, after meeting with a female British executive, he said, "I'm so tired, I'm going to go back to the hotel and sit on my fanny." Fortunately, she clarified for him...but he was SO embarrassed.)

Anyhow - does anyone really have such an unfortunate name in "real life," you may be wondering? Look no farther than my fourth grade vice principal, Mrs. Assenheimer.

I'm not kidding. As an adult, I have to wonder 1) why she would marry a Mr. Assenheimer, 2) why she would change her name to match, 3) what person at Ellis Island hated the look of these people and stuck them with this translation.

By the way - before you start to feel sorry for her, she was a Grade A Bitch. I have always wondered about Mr. Assenheimer. Was he living a life of quiet suffering? Or did he deserve her? Anyway...

When we - my brother Nik and I - told my dad at the time (Nik was in first grade and I was in fourth), he just couldn't believe it.

But signature dad - imagine growing up with Weird Al, but a little more crude (which he regrets now, since he has a daughter who can't stop swearing) - replied, "I guess that's better than Assenhole!"

Happy Friday!

PS To make up for the asinine post, here is a cute picture of one of my cats.


Darth Weasel said...

the small town I grew up in had a high school instructor named "Mr. Tinkle". Teens and that name...great combo.

LL Cool Joe said...

My partner had a meeting recently with a guy from America called "Randy Wanker". I kid you not.

Fireblossom said...

You're insane. LOL! Delivering mail, I see lots of weird names. I thought Lisa Lipshitz was pretty unfortunate. Want to kiss her? Thought not! There was also an Asian man whose last name was Fuk. Then there was John Lennon. And Joe Dimaggio.

Aliceson said...

OMG! That's a good one. When I was in high school I worked at one of those pharmacies that calls your name out over the loudspeaker when your prescription is ready. There was a couple that would come in regularly to pick up meds. Their last name was Assman, and every time the pharmacist would holler "Assman your prescription is ready" the woman would cringe and say "it's pronounced Ahhh-sman" Yeah right, nice try lady.

Have a great weekend!

pheromone girl said...

How funny! I don't remember a good name to destroy at all when I was in school.

I loved your dad's response! Happy Weekend!!!!

K-Rod said...

Dick Loveless

Jim Teacher, I kid you not, was a gym teacher.

Pouty Lips said...

I knew a woman whose first name was Vagina. I'm still waiting for one in my life that tops that.

vivavavoom said...

assenheimer is pretty bad. I thought it was incredible that someone named their kid Mary when their last name was Christmas. That was just mean. but then I thought this past week when all people in the news were saying they were going "teabagging" outloud was pretty damn hilarious because all I could envision was the X rated version. Hope you have a great weekend!

Shionge said...

Your cat is so cute :)

Talking about names - I have a friend, his first name is GAY...imagine introducing himself to us - "Hi, I am Mr. GAY" crack my daughter up all the time.

Happy Sunday RK :D

Scarlet said...

Cute pic of your cat!


That's almost as bad as two teachers I knew from 7th grade...Mr. Ball and Mr. Dick, and they were friends (so they were inseparable). I'd always joke around and tell my friends they were both named Harry. ;)

Granny Annie said...

Once more a FEP (F_ _king Educational Post) from Michelle! Yes Mrs. Assenheimer waw a Bitch. Who wouldn't be with a name like Mrs. Assenheimer and a school teacher at that. LOL

My sister and I always got so tickled that our parents would make us leave the room when the "Rapers" and the "Smooters" would visit.

Green tea said...

There use to be a Dentist in our community named Doctor Pane, I always laughed when I saw his ad's.