Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Breaking news! This is blog #200!


If you were at The Oregonian, that would be considered hot stuff.

Since 9/11, they've felt compelled to have a "breaking news" link on their web site. The only problem is that there's not always something newsworthy to post.

So during the past week we've had such critically important stories as, "Eugene man sentenced for selling fake software," "Clearing today, high 73 degrees," and - I am not making this up - "Man on Max train regains lost hat."

Unless that hat was the decomposing corpse of an ex-president, pray tell, why is this "breaking" news?

If they're that desperate, they should call my house.

I have some ideas:

"Fluffy white fuck pees on floor - AGAIN!"

"New cat gets his tail caught in blinds, hangs like pendulum" (I wish I was making that up.)

"Dust continues to build; marriage threatened by mutual refusal to clean"

"Riot Kitty and Mr. Riot Kitty have sex without condoms!"

"Mr. Riot Kitty goes on strike; sick of making DQ runs"

"Crisis! Riot Kitty ponders worldwide shortage of cheese enchiladas"

So what would you write?

10 comments:

Mr. Riot Kitty said...

Breaking news!
Man pokes Badger with a spoon! Badger is reported to be annoyed, man is in coma.

Riot Kitty said...

Well, you know...badgers can't be choosers ;)

Claire said...

Brilliant!

Breaking news! Claire still in PJs at 1 in the afternoon. Again!

Cxx

Darth Weasel said...

lol there MAY have been a TMI moment in there...no, not the report on your intimate life...the fact that you actually read the local rag. Forget their "breaking news"...when do they have ANYTHING to report on? Quite possibly the worst paper in circulation today. Anywhere. The Enquirer has more credibility. The Soap News has more important stories. Smurf, even the Portland Mercury has better reporters...

Just sayin'

Breaking news! Work sucks.

JLee said...

haha
oh god, you don't know how much I hate that term! lol
Mine would be "breaking news, JLee is about to go postal!" haha

Coby said...

News flash! Man comes out of coma only to be rectaly violated by a squeemish cornish hen! Does it get any worse? I ax ya? lol gr8 post RK!

blake said...

the hat might have been important it might a $3 fucking hat

Leslie said...

Breaking news: Publisher actually looks at something other than comics page!

Breaking news: Assistant editor stops surfing web, actually reads story!

Chella and Sarah said...

So that tmi there...are you tryin' ta make a baby?

just sayin'...

Riot Kitty said...

Chella and Sarah: Hell no! You know me better than that ;)