Sunday, November 29, 2009

What to do?

One of my favorite things about being an adult is that I get to choose who I spend the holidays with.

That might be about to change.

What do you do when someone in your circle of friends and family has a significant other that you really don't care for? I'm not just talking about someone who annoys you - I mean someone who has done, in your opinion, unacceptable things to their better half? Like, say, cheat flagrantly and openly and made their partner miserable.

And what if the only way you get to see everyone you *want to see* is to have to see this person as well? And what if you have a hard time keeping your opinion to yourself?

The last time I saw the person in question - the first time I met this person - this person bored me and Mr. RK to tears, talking all about itself. Mind you, if people must be talkers, why do they have to be 1) egotistical and 2) boring?

Since that occasion, this person did some things that in my book are definitely NOT OK to do in a relationship. However, the person in my extended family who is involved with this person has decided to remain involved. And apparently an upcoming holiday event will include this person.

I'd like nothing more than to come up to this person and say, "You are a worthless piece of shit and person X deserves better," and then turn to person X and say, "Have you no self respect? And have you heard of STDs?"

What to do?


Robert Tres said...

While you are at the event you can write Haiku in Italian. Read it to the group. After they don't applaud, read it again slower and louder, as if they will understand it the second time.

Then just shake your head and mutter "Heathens" under your breath.

That is what I would do.

Darth Weasel said...

ugh. hate those situations. sadly, it is one of those times there is no right answer. hope things somehow work out for the best.

Shionge said...

It happens to me too and the worst is to face all of them during festive season ;(

B said...

In my mind, it depends on how much you'd like to preserve a relationship w/ the cheated partner. My best pal was with a stupid guy a few years ago, and after I helped her leave him for the 4th time, she went back. I was furious, and even though she's my oldest friend, we nearly busted up our relationship over it. In the end, I realized it just wasn't my call. She needed to know that she had done every possible thing to make it work, that it wasn't her fault if they split up (they did, and it wasn't), and she said the best thing I could do was love her. I'm a pretty big believer in that now. Cheater dude might be a massive scumbag, but most of us ladies have chosen unwisely in the past and just wanted to navigate that shit w/out feeling extra stupid for being judged by our loved ones. It ain't about punishing her or chastising her for not being tested. It's about supporting a hot mess that she's prob trying to survive the best way she can. I hope I sound empathic and not sanctimonious. I'm def going for the former here :)

G said...

I agree with B, the best thing that you can do is simply be there for that person. The last thing I think you really want to do is abandon this person, because it sounds like they really need whatever support that they can get. They may not immediately appreciate it now, but they will in the future.

LL Cool Joe said...

One of my sister-in-laws is having an affair. She has a butter wouldn't melt in my mouth attitude, stands in church each week praising the Lord, and is shagging this guy behind her husbands back.

I see her every week, and will be spending both Christmas day and boxing day with her and others.

She better watch out though, because I may get drunk, and who knows what I might say!

Lynn said...

The position that you are in is difficult - if you tell the offender what you think of his/her actions, you risk hurting your relationship with your relative. It's hard to watch - I've been there and feel for you.

I like Robert's answer with the Haiku. :)

The Peach Tart said...

Support your friend/family member. It sounds like she needs a good friend. I would be cordial but not overly friendly to her lover. He will probably get the message of your disapproval.

JLee said...

Now that conversation would make Christmas interesting! lol
I am in a conundrum too because my inlaws are shunning my sister in law and I don't know why and they don't talk about it. My nephew got a girl pregnant and none of us have seen the baby etc and I think it's wrong, so want to boycott the whole thing. What to do!?

Green tea said...

OY, I think we have all been there,
My sister had 3 husbands and each one was worse then the other.
Not much you can do about it if you want to see the rest of your friends and family.
I just chose to pretend they weren't there.

Fireblossom said...

Tell them they are a malodorous heap of parrot droppings.

Ily said...

If I were to avoid situations like this, I'd never go anywhere. I know more couples who've had infidelity issues than those who haven't. It's sad.

Anonymous said...

Show up with a mic... (like one of those karaoke ones), have your hair put back in a bun (if you have long hair), throw on some glasses, and act like you have your own talk show and call the jackass out in front of everyone. So you might not get invited back, but it would be put in your friend's face that the guy is trash!! I'm a blunt bitch... but that's just me.

Cameron said...

unfortunately, life is filled with idiots like this and sometimes if you really wanna hang with the person you DO like, you will have to make do, but just do your best to only see the ahole person RARELY.

found your blog at peach tart, have to follow on with anyone named Riot Kitty. loves it.

Granny Annie said...

Nothing:) (Unless you are ready to lose your friend also.)