Thursday, July 23, 2009

Security 101

I do everything I can to avoid being on the phone when I can help it - especially when it's anything where I have to spend time on hold or talk to people who really have no information that I need.

So I registered with my insurance company to look up some benefit information, because when you call, the people at Kaiser always talk to you like you're five.

"You're with Kaiser now, so..." And I want to reply, "Yes, I know - I'm fucked!"

Maybe I should ask a 5-year-old to call and see if they talk to her like she's 32?

Anyway, you know how you're always asked security questions to confirm your password or whatever. Kaiser's first question for me: "Which of the following aircraft have you owned?"

Um - what the fuck? "None."

Second question: "In what city does S- H- live or own property?" And they were asking about my dad's ex-wife!!! The wicked ex-stepmother! "I DO NOT KNOW THIS PERSON!!!!!" OK, that really was the choice, but it didn't have capitals or exclamation marks, or the option of adding your my opinion (obviously.)

I find this very creepy, needless to say. When I think of Big Brother, I don't think of her, but then again, they do share a fair amount of irrationality and psychotic reasoning.

But strange things have been happening this week. I think the heat is melting my brain, although a slight respite today may have put some gray matter back. The other night I was trying to rationalize dessert for the second night in a row, and Mr. RK said, "I'm thinking of a word that begins with r, ends with g..."

And I blurt out, "Ratfucking?"

He started at me. "RATIONALIZING!!!"

We both almost fell out of bed laughing.

Speaking of laughing, there is an asshole in Lewis County, Washington, who owns this sign, which we saw driving back from Tacoma earlier this month:

I'm thinking two inches, fully erect.


Claire said...

Oh man. That sign is just.....

I have no words.


Fireblossom said...

Omg. My mother SO wants sign man's address! She'd be all over him like some cheap hussy. I feel certain that they're soul mates!

Loved the bit about having a five yr old call up the insurance company. :-D

LL Cool Joe said...

"Which of the following aircraft have you owned?"

lol! Love it!

Dessert in bed too! That could be messy. ;)

The Peach Tart said...

Ratfucking - ha!

pheromone girl said...

I LOPVE that sign. I go to Seattle frequently and I swear that thing has been up since I was a kid. Priceless - always good for a laugh!

JLee said...'re too funny. We had some odd questions the other day regarding our credit report. It asked about some old credit card account numbers we haven't had in years!! How the HELL are we supposed to remember that shit?? lol

Scarlet said...


You and Mr. RK...just as priceless.

vivavavoom said...

God I love your blog and sense of humor!!! "2 inches fully erect", "ratfucking"'re awesome!!!
That sign is...UGH! this whole country is seriously in some freakin 'Do the Right Thing' scene right now.

which hotel did you purchase?

Phil said...

Hey, at least you could understand the people at Kaiser. Cut them some slack, they probably do deal with a lot of complete dolts who need everything spelled out.

Riot Kitty said...

Claire: I have some words, but...
FB: Oh man. Please tell me you are adopted?
Joey: We actually didn't have dessert in bed, but what a great idea!
PT, PG, S: :)
Viva: Thanks! I am lost about which hotel???
Phil: You must work for Kaiser.

Misty said...

OMG that sign..yikes.
I rationalize dessert two nights in a row when i can too. :)

Pouty Lips said...

I'm thinking his penis is the size of a turtle's head and doesn't get out much.

Aliceson said...

I hate signs like that. Around here it's "Abortion kills babies" signs. Lovely!

Green tea said...

I wish they would make all roadsigns illegal..