Tuesday, June 21, 2011

One more reason I'm glad I am not single...

I have friends of all ages. Among my single friends, I hear a lot about how much it sucks to date (been there, totally understand.) But I cannot keep up with my 20-something friends and their dates.

I'm thinking of two female friends in particular - we're like a classier version of Sex in the City (I know, not hard to do) and I'm Samantha, because I'm old, compared to them. Literally a week can go by and I'll ask about the latest Mr. Fantastic (not his real name), and the reply will come back (via text, of course), "No, this is another guy. Mr. Fantastic turned out to be a douchebag!"

I'm guessing they'll both go through many douchebags, because that's how dating is. (Note to all of my exes out there who are douchebags: I hope you all found those bottles of conditioner.)

Prior to meeting Mr. RK, I had dates where (and I am not making this up):
- Someone was so forward that I made sure he would never call me again by telling him I was into bondage.
- A divorced someone made me dinner and then pulled out his wedding album.
- Someone mentioned that he wanted to date (read: sleep with) me AND my best friend. At the same time.
- Someone flatout said he wanted me to be his "trophy girlfriend." (Guess who went home and slept alone that night?)
- Someone said he could never get serious about me (this, on the first date) because my hair wasn't a dark enough shade of brown. (He also said he liked Vanilla Ice, so this was no big loss.)

So glad I am not doing it. I have told Mr. RK that, God forbid anything happens to him (or if he decides he is gay), I'd never date again.

I'd just get a lifetime membership at Mr. Peeps.


LL Cool Joe said...

Blimey the Wedding album guy must have been a real winner! :D

I have to say, I'd hate to start dating again. All those baths and stuff. :D

Lynn said...

I hate dating and have kind of given up on it. I keep thinking I'll meet some nice guy in a random place.

One of my friends went on a blind double date and invited him in at the end of the evening (thinking coffee and conversation) - she went to the bathroom and when she came out, he was lying on the living room floor on his side, propped up on his elbow, wearing nothing but a big grin. She threw his clothes out of the front door onto the lawn and him with it. :)

We had to have the discussion that most men think that you are asking them in for sex if you invite them in your place after a date. Silly, but true.

G said...

Fortunately (or unfortunately) I've only dated one person in my life....no wait, I dated another, but because her mom was a vice cop, it made it really, really difficult to go anywhere or do anything.

wigsf3 said...

My worst first date:
She asked to be excused and left the bar entirely. Two minutes later she returned with a newspaper and began reading it in front of me.

firefiber said...

Dating is fun! Being a dick is fun, sadly. But then again, it's not like there's going to be anything serious - not anytime soon, so why the hell not, right?

Agreed though, that there are some seriously weird and creepy people out there. I once met a girl who wanted to take the line, 'who's your daddy' a little too far, and wanted me to actually pretend to be her dad as... foreplay. WHUT! Ew, ew, ew, fucking-creepy, ew.

Cake Betch said...

I used to be all about it, if a guy wasn't working out I'd be ready to toss him out and go in search of a new one. I just don't care anymore. Dating is such a pain in the ass, mostly everyone my age is engaged or married, or douchey, and I just don't feel like going through the "get to know you" phase and the "get comfortable enough in front of you that I can tell you I need to poop" phase.

Riot Kitty said...

Joey: Yeah, that was a one-date only. As for the bathing comment: EEEWW!
L: That is hilarious! I mean what she did, not what he did. She was merely an instrument of karma.
G: Yeah, that would make it difficult. Consider yourself spared, however, from what some of us have gone through!
WIGSF: OK, you win. Hands down. What a bitch!
FF: Do you mean holding your own dick is fun? And yeah, that's really sick.
CB: And your solution is??

firefiber said...

Wait... what?! That's not. Whut. That's not fun at all - that's just weird. And boring. >.<

Riot Kitty said...

FF: Well *I* would find it fun if I was a guy, but I guess it's 'cause I don't have one.

ileana said...

You've had some winners, chica! lol

On a first date one guy wanted to have sex with me because he wanted a baby right away...meaning nine months from that night! This was a Colombiano who I met when I first moved to Miami...one of the first Latino guys I ever dated, if not the first. I can't believe it wasn't the last (after that crazy evening), not that they're all the same...but still. Ugh!!

Granny Annie said...

Dating in your teens is bad enough, but dating as an adult after divorce is horrific. One gentleman (NOT) fell asleep on the floor of my home and I could not awaken him until I brought the dog in and let it lick his face. He left never to return. Hooray. And that is the tame story of my dating life. If ever alone again (God forbid) I will never date again.

Aliceson said...

The wedding album has to be the WORST. Really, who does that shit? Thank goodness you found Mr. RK!

A Beer for the Shower said...

I don't miss dating at all. Also, I have a female friend that's just as you described. I've given up on keeping track of her guys' names, because just as I learn one's name, he's gone (because he's a douche) and another pops up. So I just ask, "How's your guy?" because she's too afraid to be alone and invariably has one.

I am so smooth.

Logical Libby said...

I once dated a guy who's idea of single was that his finacee was in Texas.

So glad I'm married.

Darth Weasel said...

Coincidentally, I was also told I was wanted as a trophy girlfriend. When I objected she slapped me silly.

Riot Kitty said...

I: OMG, chica! You win. Hands down. Holy fucking mierda!
GA: HORRIBLE!!! Thank God you had a dog!
A: You're telling me! It was beyond weird. It still shocks me when I think about it.
ABFTS: I think my two friends and your friend are really the same person. I never understand why people think it's worse not to be dating than to date an idiot or an asshole.
L: Yeow!
Darth: How sad for you ;)

JLee said...

Oh my god can I relate to this post!!! lol I had no idea how bad it was out there after being with someone 12 years. There are a lot of douchebags....

Riot Kitty said...

JL: So sorry!

Green Tea said...

I have a friend who tried match.com after a 20 year relationship was over..she finally gave up..she said they all lie.. :)
She hasn't given up hope that someday she will meet someone but it won't be through a dating service..:)

Claire said...

Dude, I gotta ask....conditioner? What did you do? :)


Riot Kitty said...

GT: I think it would be really easy to line online, but then again, I've been lied to many times in person.
Claire: That was our high school was of saying, "Go jerk off." You asked :)