Saturday, June 18, 2011

Mr. RK's Guide to Boys


So every time I go with Mr. RK to a particular restaurant, one of the guys who works there - his family owns it - scurries around like a mouse and hardly says anything to us. But when I am there with female friends, he never shuts up.

We went there for brunch this morning and he hardly said two words to us. So, driving back home, I asked Mr. RK, "Why would he be so quiet around you, and so talkative when you're not there."

"N from work wouldn't say the stuff she says to me if you were there," he replied. "N" is a raunchy woman who is the age of Mr. RK's mom.

"But," I noted, "N wants to get in your pants. This guy is a dozen years younger than my friend L and I. I'm sure he doesn't want to get into our pants."

"How old is he?" Mr. RK asked. "21 or 22? He wants to get in everyone's pants!"

Mr. RK continued to present his Guide to Boys, which is outlined here:

When you're 15, you just want a good magazine.

When you're 17-33, you just want to get into the pants of anyone of your gender of preference who is breathing.

At around age 33, you become more discriminating.

(Good thing, then, that I met Mr. RK when he was 33.)

So, boys, I ask: is this true?

17 comments:

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

GUYS. ANSWER UP. This is a particularly intriguing field of biology. ;)

firefiber said...

Absolutely not! Okay, maybe a little. But not always. I'm very selective. I've got screening tests and whatnot. And I most definitely won't fuck the first thing that moves. I would have, though, when I was about 15.

But then I discovered 'standards', brought to my attention by Hugh Hefner. Yes. Him.

So, nope, I'm extremely discriminating, and I'm only 21. This may lead to me being a cat-person though 'cause there's hardly anyone who measures up. :(

G said...

Yes.

Riot Kitty said...

L: Agreed!
FF: Heh. Agreed, cats are the zenith of perfection. They have convinced me of this with their mind control.
G: Bwahaha!

Darth Weasel said...

Nope. I can count on one hand the number of people I was interested in.

And after marrying the Goose, I can count them on one finger.

What else I do with that finger I leave to your imagination...

ileana said...

Mr. RK is a freakin' genius! I'll tell you, Mr. Scarlet (or whatever you want to call him) would agree with him 100 percent...only instead of 17-33, he'd start 'em at 13.

I know EXACTLY how it is, but the guys that ignore me when I'm with my husband are old men...paranoid, horny old men! lol

Logical Libby said...

Now I know why the guy at the grocery store ignores me when I am with Ryan. And I thought he was gay...

Riot Kitty said...

Darth: EEEEEEEWWWWWWWwwww about that last part!
I: Hahaha! That is hilarious.
L: LOL!

wigsf3 said...

The theory is pretty sound. I would like to add that the maturation ages may differ from boy to boy though.

Lynn said...

Mr RK's theory sounds about right to me. :)

Mike_D said...

Ok--

Age 15: Yes

17-33: Sure I'll go along with that. But, seeing as how I'm older than that and still feel the same, perhaps this rule can be stretched...

:)

Cake Betch said...

From what I understand from the boyfriend (who is turning 30 in Nov) this is completely accurate.

A Beer for the Shower said...

I guess I'm the only one who isn't like this. My criteria is more than just 'breathing.' She needs all of her limbs. She can't be over 500 lbs. She has to have most of her teeth. Standards, people.

Riot Kitty said...

WIGSF: Like some have none at all? Maturation, that is...
L: People seem to agree here...
Mike: LMAO!
CB: HA!
ABFTS: Excellent ;)

John McElveen said...

YES! We would hump a Snake if it would hold still and we could find it's Hips!

Are you getting this? My Blog had been crashing and going berserk on me!

Hugs, and Mr RK is spot on!

J

HiFi said...

Mr. RK is probably right. 17 to 33 sounds like a valid range. lol.

Riot Kitty said...

John: I got it! Sorry about things going berserk. I wondered where you were.
HF: I'm thinking maybe birth to death, actually.