Sunday, August 16, 2009
The piggie literary challenge
Now I know during this summer era of fewer posts and some semi-retiring bloggers, this is a challenge indeed.
Mr. RK, who unbeknownst to most people comes up with funny stories spontaneously, proposes a 10-chapter challenge about piggies. Yes, the kind that go "wee wee wee" - or was that "oui! oui! oui!"? - all the way home.
I will, via Mr. RK, post the first chapter here. Then some brave soul must post chapter 2, and so on, and so forth, until we have 10. And then we shall have a most perverse, funny kind of sort of book, I hope.
Are you in?
---chapter 1: Pierre the piggie--- (By Mr RK)
Pierre was born and raised on a decrepit plantation near New Orleans. Being terminally bored with alfalfa and alfalfa related products, he decided to gather all his money and his best clothes, then follow his whims where they lead him.
Bourbon street bars are not particularly pig-friendly, Pierre soon found out. After trying to wet his snout for hours, the little piggie trundled in to Fred's Bar, which was a couple of turns off of the beaten path. At the bar Pierre squealed "A rum please!", and was given a wee glass of rum by the sympathetic looking manatee barkeep.
Pierre snorted, " I am a large pig, not a little piggie. I want a large size rum." (Pierre does not always tell the strict truth.) Fred, the manatee, (all manatees are named Fred) shook his head to be best of his ability (manatees don't have very flexible necks), and poured Pierre a large rum. The drink came in a wooden bucket, and required two creatures to serve it.
Two days later Pierre had almost finished his first large-sized rum. He was a very disheveled piggie by now, but he was also adored by all of the other patrons of the bar. They admired his courage, stamina, dexterity, and truffle knowledge. A group of hens became especially fond of him, and took him home to sleep it off.
Pierre woke to find himself sharing a large room with quite a few mothering hens and a pack of fishatarian foxes. As he wandered around the house, he glimpsed the back yard and instantly fell in love. It was nothing but mud! MUD! The hens mistake his exitement, thinking he is offended by their yard, and explain that hens and foxes are not fit for yard work. An arrangement is quicky worked out. Pierre will create and maintain the yard and garden in exchange for room, board, and a small mud (MUD!) wallow.
A routine is fallen into by all: housework by day and drinking a Fred's at night. Of course there is always time for a nice mud (MUD!) wallow.
The foxes discover that Fred the manatee is really passionate about shrimp (which is why he was disgraced and evicted from the manatee association, but that is another story.) The fishatarion foxes are eager to share recipies. The results are enjoyed by all of the patrons of Fred's.
As time goes by, the drinkers at Fred's are gradually displaced by the foodies looking for a unique shrimps experience. Pierre, exercizing his piggie cunning, has learned the joys of accountancy. (Fred's pays no taxes.) Fred is slowing down and spends his time grooming Pierre and the foxes to take control of Fred's Fine Fishes And Shrimps when he retires.
Fred's Fine Fishes And Shrimps does very well indeed with Pierre running the office and the foxes in the kitchen. The clientelle gradually grow, the waiting list lengthens, and all is rosy with the world. Then Monique walks in...
-----End chapter 1----
*WHO, I ask you, will take up the piggie literary challenge? Let me know in the comment section...*