Tuesday, August 04, 2009

You need qualifications to be a snob.


A friend of mine just took over one of the branches of our organization, and this change couldn't come too soon.

A conversation at work today reminded me just how much I can't stand this woman, although she has always been nice to my face. Key words: to my face.

Now her board forced her out of her position but she is still unable to let go, apparently, because she's still a 40-hour-a-week "volunteer" and is still on the board. (PG, aren't you kissing your toes that you didn't take this job?) Why my friend tolerates this I don't know. She is a kinder person than me.

So I have to rant somewhere, because this bitch drives me nuts. Her latest antic was to angle for - no, scratch that - demand a free ticket to our $125-a-plate fundraiser. Her excuse for not buying a ticket = she can't afford it.

I told my friend, "She's not allowed to sit with us."

Friend: "She won't want to sit with us."

Me: "Why not?"

Friend: "Because she is a snob."

A snob? She can't afford a ticket, but she's a snob? No one with such a terrible dye job (think someone trying to imitate Edith from All in the Family) can be a snob! No one who is constantly losing her teeth (I am not making this up) - and whose teeth have been found in the peanut butter jar in the fridge at work, and in her dog's mouth, among other places - can be a snob!

Am I wrong? Where is Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced "bouquet") when I need her?

Anyway, I know Ms. Bitch will be all smiles at the event. Unfortunately, I won't be sitting close enough to spit in her food.

13 comments:

smallbytesbythecapital said...

What the Fuck is Dpm? I'll have to revisit this later.

Fireblossom said...

Now now, dear. Take a deep breath. Remember, there is no problem so severe that it cannot be solved in a moment with a good revolver.

pheromone girl said...

Hey, I can spit further than any boy in my family. To celebrate my NOT taking this job, hows about we all aim and see if one can hit? I'll bring Moonstruck for the winner...

Claire said...

Teeth in the PB? WTF???

Cxx

Scarlet said...

A snob that leaves her teeth everywhere?? You have to be kidding me! You ARE kidding about the teeth, aren't you??

themom said...

Hell yes...I would love to be a fly ont he wall for the "spitting exercise."

The Peach Tart said...

I'd snob her. But that's just me.

Riot Kitty said...

NO, I am so not kidding about the teeth. She forgets them everywhere, and apparently, accidentally put them in a jar of pb at work while she was the boss. She even had volunteers looking for them!

Aliceson said...

I just hope she remembers to wear her teeth to the event!

Green tea said...

OMG..this woman sounds like a real freako..
Have you ever considered hiding an empty sardine can in her car???
or maybe a piece of Limburger cheese..

Mike_D said...

Wait...

She loses teeth routinely?

What?

LL Cool Joe said...

Often people say that my Mother is Hyacinth Bucket. She is a classic snob.

G said...

Ouch.

Ya gotta love volunteers. The problem with some volunteers is that they know people waaaaaaaay high up in the food chain and thus are virtually impossible to get rid of, no matter how necessary it may be.

If she's demandig a ticket, give her one. Just seat her somewher around the perimeter near the kitchen.

Or the bathroom.