Sunday, May 02, 2010

Things we're willing to do for friends

So a friend of mine who is very hard worker, but went to work for an entrepreneur who turned out to be a greedy, crazy bastard (sorry, that's redundant) lost her job last week.

I'm sure she'll get a better one where she is happier, but it still pisses me off, so I have contemplated:

- Making a dartboard with his face on it.

- Pouring my own urine over his car.

- Signing him up for BDSM magazines.

I'd merely be an instrument of karma, you see.

Things friends and I have done before out of loyalty or because we were a bit pissed off:

- Peed on the door handle of someone's car.

- Signed someone up for a sex toy newsletter.

- A yard forking (Mr. RK did this, I just learned.)

- Put epoxy resin on someone's door handle. The kind that won't dry. Ever.

- Put refried beans on someone's door handle.

- Posed as an Indian Bible sales team and called a friend's manager at 3 a.m. to sell Bibles over the phone. (This was before called ID. Again, Mr. RK's friends.)

Manager: "Why are you calling so late?"
Mr. RK's friend: "The good Lord's work is never done!"

Any other suggestions?


Lynn said...

The dartboard idea is a good one. I had a extreme experience with a really awful screaming shrew of a boss who also reminded me of the woman in "The Devil Wears Prada" - she'd come in in a cloud of perfume, high on caffeine and diet pills and the screaming would begin. I wrote about her in great detail (but not her name) on the Women for Hire message boards when someone posted the question about whether you had had a really bad boss. That was as vengeful as I got. :)

Fireblossom said...

Er...what is yard forking?

The bible story, especially the thing about the lord's work never being done, was hilarious.

G said...

How 'bout making sure that person's number is prominantly displayed somewhere so that they can get perpetual wrong numbers.

On their cell phone.

Ily said...

"The good Lord's work is never done!" lol (I'm going to borrow that line!)

PS - I hope your friend finds another job soon!

LL Cool Joe said...

There is someone, indirectly in my life, that is violent. Make that extremely violent. The worst thing I've done to them was slash their tyres, but at the end of the day, I have the one thing that he wants the most. Not through hatred or revenge though.

Sorry if this post is a bit cryptic. I think you know what I'm talking about.

WhatIGotSoFar said...

- potato in the exhaust pipe
- scatter bird seed around the person's car or home so that birds congregate and eventually poop all over the car or home
- post the person's email address every on the net so the person gets swamped with spam
- if at all possible, get a male cat to mark it's territory on the person's car 'cuz that stinks so much more than people urine

Granny Annie said...

Shoe polish in the soap dispenser (or their shampoo bottle if you can work it).

Mail an envelope with HERPES TEST RESULTS in large letters on the outside.

Fill their vehicle with office shredding.

Wear a wire and set the person up for a drug sting.

Claire said...

I'm awful at revenges. This post is quite inspirational!


Riot Kitty said...

Awesome ideas! Thanks! Herpes test results for sure.

FB: Putting lots of forks in someone's yard.
Joey: I'm sorry!

G said...

A little off the beaten path, but how 'bout when you need to do payback on the select clientele that tell you they can't use your website isn't user friendly

Perhaps you should have a link that looks like a big old button that says HELP so when they push it, it asks them for their e-mail addy, then automatically kicks them out and doesn't let them back in without the proper authorization...which of course is located in the step-by-step instructions contained in the e-mail they were sent...they get two shots at doing it correctly...if they screw up the second time, they are forced to call a special number in which they will be put on hold for several minutes and be forced to listen to a sonata by Beethoven.

Performed by a student orchestra.

From junior high.

Darth Weasel said...

well, I do know of someone who sent Hairclub for Men material to a co-worker...which at the time we thought was hysterical. I find I am extremely tame.

In the end, though, the best revenge I have gotten....has been ignoring them. I am lame as well as tame

Riot Kitty said...

G: Still LMAO over that!
Darth: That is fantastic! And you're not lame - most of the time I ignore when stuff like this happens to me, but I am motivated by loyalty to friends. Plus, I'm dying to send an envelope with "Herpes Test Results Enclosed"!

Shionge said...

Oh Wow!!! You don't need any suggestion from GAVE me all the ideas now heheheheh...

Ally said...

She's much better off I'm sure, but it's still upsetting. The door handle thing - my neighbor can be a total bitch and one day she gave the couple downstairs a hard time. Upon their move out of their apartment, they rubbed Vaseline all over her door knob. She came home with hands full of mail, groceries, etc. and fell for it hook, line and sinker :( The beans will look like poo obviously so that's even worse!