Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Five years ago, there was an ice storm...


...and a few hours before that, I got married.

Which was funny, because I never wanted to get married. I wasn't even sure I wanted to live with someone, but if I did, I always thought I'd want to be in a position to be able to boot them out. Just in case.

Mr. RK also never wanted to get married.

But don't ask me how, the stars aligned and it happened.

Neither one of us had ever met anyone that 1) did not want to bear their own fruit, or 2) gave us enough space, or 3) love cats. There is a serious dearth of straight men in this world who love cats, don't want children and don't resent their partners having alone time, and I managed to find one. Or he found me.

Both of us are introverts. Both of us need lots - and I mean lots - of alone time.

The actual day was kind of hilarious in retrospect. I could not find a "normal" formal dress, and I didn't want to look like a cupcake in a dress I'd never wear again, so I got married in a red dress. No flowers. No cake. No frills. We didn't actually care about the legality of it or the ceremony; we only invited immediate family in order for them not to disown us.

We got married by a lesbian judge in clogs whose office was in the juvenile detention center. After running around a few blocks in heels trying to figure out where to go, Mr. RK's mom got the right address, so I could go in through a metal detector and pay our license fee.

Then we all waited in the detention center, with a bunch of nervous-looking parents who were waiting for their kids' hearings.

My brother's camera started rewinding (this was before we had digital cameras) during the vows, but I was so focused on getting everything right that it didn't register.

Afterwards, we went out to Thai food.

It has been interesting, to say the least. I am still getting used to the idea that relationships can have a sense of permanence - or as permanent as it can be, knowing we're all going to move on to another universe some day. I had never met someone else who loved me unconditionally - happy or depressed, dressed up or with morning bed hair, sick or well - that I loved back. (There were lots of nice people who had about as much backbone as cooked asparagus, and I got bored.)

I have also never met anyone who wants things as neat and tidy as I do, or someone who was equally inept at cooking as I was (I am now learning.) Or someone who is actually more stubborn than I am (yes, it's possible.)

So onward with the adventure!

Happy five years, Mr. RK. I love you.

- RK

23 comments:

smallbytesbythecapital said...

I wonder how the lesbian judge felt about marrying straight couples but not being able to marry herself. Sort of like gay male wedding planners... I always wonder how they feel.

Congrats on 5 years of marriage. I'm still trying to find someone halfway sane to date. :-)

Ily said...

I think this is my favorite post from you...but there are many things you've written that come back to me and make me smile.

It's just good to hear how you feel about the man you love (with all the gory details, thank you). I LOVE details! :)

PS - A lesbian judge in clogs who works at juvi...did you get married in Miami??

Riot Kitty said...

SBBTC: We actually had a big debate about whether to get married at all because not everyone could. It came down to wanting to be able to see each other in the hospital if there was an emergency. The judge told us she loved that part of her job, but I had to wonder. We did request that instead of gifts, our friends give to civil rights groups.
I: Thanks! There are gorier details I won't go into ;)

Mike_D said...

Congrats!!!

5 years! Wow!

LL Cool Joe said...

Cute photo. :)

Let's get this straight, gay men love cats and straight men don't? Apart from your hubbie? Hmmm, no generalisation there then? :D

I jest, well partly. ;)

Have a wonderful anniversary.

B said...

Oh girl:

There is a serious dearth of straight men in this world who love cats, don't want children and don't resent their partners having alone time, and I managed to find one. Or he found me.

DITTO.

B said...

No, scratch this. This is even more where I'm at:

I had never met someone else who loved me unconditionally - happy or depressed, dressed up or with morning bed hair, sick or well - that I loved back.

That. That's it.

G said...

Congratulations!!!!

Now you're only 1/4 of the way behind me. :D

Green tea said...

I wish you lived next door to me.
I am allergic to Cats.. :)
But my best friend (now gone) had 3 of them and I just took a pill before I went over to her house.

Congrats on finding your soul mate.
Some of us are lucky.

Riot Kitty said...

Mike: Thanks!
Joey: Well, just saying USUALLY. Ya know. :)
B: :)
G: Thanks! Congrats to you.
GT: Me too! :)

Fireblossom said...

Aw, hooray for you guys! Did you tell the whole story of your wedding day to Lucky and Earl Grey?

Leave it to you to get married in the detention center!

Riot Kitty said...

FB: Hee hee! I didn't get married in the detention center on purpose ;)

Darth Weasel said...

first, the obligatory yet heartfelt congrats. you know how happy I am for you two and how well you fit.

second...Mr. RK stubborn? I mean, yes, from your description of him running around in heels with his mom...that takes determination, but stubborn? Mr. S? Bwoohahahaha awesome.

Granny Annie said...

Wonderful true story put into a delightful essay. Congratulations to both of you in the day and age of five years being a long marriage.

vivavavoom said...

that is SO great. I am very happy for you. lovely picture :)

Riot Kitty said...

Darth, GA, and Viva: Thanks!

JLee said...

aww..congratulations!! I just love that picture. Your face spells pure joy :)
I love the colorful nature of your wedding too. I went to Vegas, but no Elvis (unfortunately)

G said...

Well, almost there. Got another five months to go and we'll be celebrating number 21.

(egads! I've been married for 21 years??????)

Riot Kitty said...

JL: Thanks! Sorry about Elvis ;)
G: Egads is right! Congrats.

Lynn said...

Congratulations and it is wonderful to hear about a good unconditional marriage.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

How truly wonderful that you found each other...It is a miracle, I think---as Hugh Grant's character says in "Notting Hill" --how slim the chamces are of finding that "right" person. Congratulations and may you have many many MANY more Happy Anniversary's....!

Aliceson said...

I love it when couples have a wedding the way THEY want. My husband's grandmother almost swallowed her teeth when she found out we weren't getting married in a church, specifically a Catholic church.

Hope you had a wonderful anniversary... with no ice storm.

Pouty said...

Wonderful ode to the hubby.