Saturday, January 09, 2010

Bumper stickers

I've never been one to put bumper stickers on my car - with the exception of a couple of elections that were really important to me - but sometimes I think I may be missing my best job ever: redesigning bumper stickers!

So many opportunities, so little time - so many are cliche, and yet they could be interesting!

Portland is well-known for being a bike-friendly city (despite all the terrible drivers), so many a car features the sticker, "I Share the Road."

How about, "I Run Over Bikers Every Chance I Get."

Instead of, "Start Seeing Motorcycles," "Start Seeing Dead People."

Instead of those irritating-as-hell stick figures of a family with their dozen kids - usually on the back of a Yukon with a soccer mom on her cell phone, weaving in and out of her lane - how about a family of vampires?

Instead of Bush/Cheney '04, how about Cheney/Satan '12?

Instead of "In Case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned," "In Case of Rapture, Can I have your Cheetos?"

As for those "My Child Is An Honor Student At..." stickers, why not replace them with, "My Kid is Probably In Detention With Your Kid."

I saw one today that made me crack up - this was a real one:

"Bondage is Knot for Everyone."

What would YOU change?


Fireblossom said...

Yanno those oval shaped black and white things that indicate where the person is supposedly from? Like "GBR" for Great Britain? Well, I used to have one on my old car that said BFD (who cares where you're from?). But I want one that just says WTF.

Granny Annie said...

We don't so bumper stickers but I think I would put that "my kids in detention with yours" on my car even though I don't have kids at home. That's funny!

Ily said...

I'm with GA, I love the kids in detention bumper sticker...and I know my kids would get a kick out it as well!

As for my own little about "caution: mom with uzi on board" with a nice Charlie's Angels-type image to go with it? That might prevent some road rage!

LL Cool Joe said...

I'd change the "Baby On Board" one to "Screaming Brat on Board".

Riot Kitty said...

FB: That would be great!
GA: I would too, even though I don't have kids ;)
I and J: Love it!

Aliceson said...

The rapture one had me laughing out loud!

Lynn said...

Cheney/Satan '12 - I'm with you on that one. :)

Riot Kitty said...

A: Those bumper stickers always have me scratching my head. Cheetos are much more interesting.
L: I sorta cheated on that one - my dad bought me a button last year that says "Cheney/Satan '08."

Robert Tres said...

A little voice in my ear said "You should leave RK a comment". And here it is.

Darth Weasel said...

I always wanted to do the bumper sticker, "I don't believe in abortion, but I wish your mother had".

I was too afraid the intrinsically hilarious nature of the comment would be lost in a mass of crashing glass, doors being ripped off, etc.

Riot Kitty said...

RT: How profound ;)
Darth: We are both laughing our butts off, thank you!

JLee said...

I think I would do "my child is a goth loser at XYZ school" hahaa
(she's not really)
I HATE those little stick figure ones and always find myself behind a van with one. lol

Anonymous said...

hey there..want to email me about the writer's group etc?

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you need to start your own storefront on you can create your own bumper stickers.

Mine would be: If God is your copilot, he's doing a shitty job.

Green tea said...

I am a political bumper sticker junkie.
One that is always on my cars is "Wellstone" (Minnesota Senator killed in a plane crash) and "End this Endless War"
I also have a "Woman for Obama" still on my car.
At least I can find my car in the parking lot... :D

Anonymous said...

If you make a Cheney/Satan '12 sticker, can I have one?

Personally, I hate the stick figures on the back of soccer mom cars. What if someone in your family is a cross-dresser? How do you denote that? Or what if your family pet is an alligator? How would you show that? So narrow minded. (My husband asked me if they have the stick figures for gay parents . . . good point)

K-Rod said...
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Darrin.. said...

The only bumper sticker I ever bought was an election sticker that read... Picard/Riker 96'

K-Rod said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Pouty said...

I bought one that had a picture of a kid pissing with the words "on ex-boyfriend," I didn't put it on the car. It is now used as a book marker.