Wednesday, July 24, 2013

And speaking of keeping it in your pants

A local politico's career is going down the tubes here not because he fucked around, but because he fucked around and promoted and spent county money on hotels fucking around with someone just a couple steps down the food chain. (I know, in New York and France, you're wondering what we're wasting ink on this for, right?)

But anyhow, I'm not here to wax poetic about that (the local paper has been updating stories by the hour - that's how starved we are for sex here in Oregon, apparently; we have to take to the internet to read about other people who have done it); but to ask, do you ever have moments where your little social editor doesn't work?

This politician is supposed to speak at an event we're having this fall (I'm guessing we'll have to find a replacement as he goes underground) and this came up in a work meeting yesterday. A new colleague I had only met once before who is maybe my dad's age waxed poetic to us (females) about how sex was a biological imperative, blah blah blah.

Me: "Yeah, but why dip your pen in the company ink? I mean, it's not the affair that people are pissed about, it's the fact that he got her promoted and let her influence policy because of it."

Him: "But sex is a biological imperative..."

Me: "I've managed not to hop on my boss!"

And thus he finally shut it.

We also had some problems with the landlord.

Me: "Why don't they call a plumber?"
My boss: "Because they're cheap."
Me: "We could always threaten to make another movie." (For those of you who haven't read about the adult films that were made in our office by former tenants, click here. No kidding.)
My boss: Staring and speechless.
Me: "Just kidding!" (Runs away.)

Does your mouth ever get away from you?


Rock Chef said...

You could do a good fund raiser - get people in to bid for different parts in an adult movie. Get the politicians involved, it could be a vote winner too!

Lynn said...

That's funny. :)

G. B. Miller said...

Absotively Posilutely!

Cheryl said...

I think Rock Chef may be onto something. The politicians would be glad to volunteer if sex is involved.

What kind of idiot shoots back with "sex is imperative"...not only do I not necessarily agree that it is imperative but it's certainly not imperative to be having inappropriate sex. Let's assume some people can use discretion.
I loved your comeback.

As for me getting myself into trouble saying too much. Sure...hasn't everyone? As with your comments though, people with a sense of humor would find some of it laughable.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Be careful around that clueless colleague of yours. What a maroon!

Charles Gramlich said...

my problem is I can't tell when my mouth is getting away. Damn lack of social skills.

A Beer For The Shower said...

Wow, I need to remember that little line for the bedroom to seduce the wife, and I should especially say it in a robot voice to imply that I am a scientific supercomputer and not a real human being.

"Sex is a biological imperative. Intercourse is imminent. Initializing coital function in 3, 2, 1..."

wigsf3 said...

Sex is not a biological imperative. It's just fun. And so is Scrabble.

Abby said...

You've managed to not hop on your boss... SO FAR.

Anything for efficient plumbing, right?

OldLady Of The Hills said...

I have to say, I liked it better when we weren't privy to everyone's "needs"....(Imperative, Indeed!!!!! OY...) More Anthony Weiner crap---I mean, PLEASE, people, keep it in your pants....!
And, who are the women who want to have these "conversations" over the internet???? What in hell is that about?

The world has gone mad!!!!

Birdie said...

Does my mouth ever get away from me? Everyday, RC. Everyday.

DWei said...

Of course my mouth gets away from me. And I try and do it as much as possible.

Now the trick is to do it without pissing too many people off.

Dexter Klemperer said...

Yes, make the movie! It can even be a documentary called of course: Boinking is A Biological Imperative

Riot Kitty said...

Laughing, laughing! Thanks everyone ;)

Kathleen said...

"And thus he finally shut it."... I shall steal this phrase and proclaim it as my own. ;-)

Granny Annie said...

No time to comment. I'm too busy sewing pants for all my cats.

Riot Kitty said...

Kathleen: Go for it.
GA: You totally made me laugh out loud with this! I was picturing cats in pants.

Ileana said...

You left your boss speechless??! Chica, you're my hero.

Riot Kitty said...

Ily: Gracias! It doesn't happen often.