Would you like your answer loud or soft?

Weird shit is happening this week.

Being a nonprofit (read: shoestring budget), we are located in a funky, industrial area because it has cheap rent. We're hard to find and we rarely have walk-ins. In fact, in the two and a half years we've been in the space, we've only had six.

Three of them were in the past two days, and they included someone looking for a mental health networking group, someone who was so drunk he couldn't stand up and was hurling profanities until the police escorted him out, and someone who REALLY PISSED ME OFF.

If you have been reading this blog for awhile, you know I believe in the therapeutic qualities of venting. But it takes quite a lot to really, really piss me off, and yesterday, someone managed to do it.

Tell me if this makes any sense, from either a marketing or a common sense POV. Someone who works at a treatment center halfway across the country happens to be in Oregon, shows up unannounced and wants to make a sales presentation about a facility that 1) is - hello - halfway across the country; 2) hugely expensive; 3) halfway across the fucking country!

We politely explained that we serve people in our own state and the communities bordering our state, as some people work in one place and live in another, and thus refer to local programs. She pushed. We explained that most of the people we serve are uninsured or underinsured, and can't afford a private, for-profit treatment center far away.

"Maybe they have friends or family who can pay privately. You know, your national organization refers to us all the time."

This is hilarious, because the national organization doesn't make any referrals; it leaves it to the state and local organizations, who are actually familiar with services in their respective areas.

Seriously? I'm being nice. I've closed the conversation several times. She won't leave! I tell her my volunteer, who she has been nagging alternately, needs to get back to her work. She makes me promise to give a bag of free crap to my boss (pens, post-it notes, information.)

What I wanted to say, and would have had someone try to do this sales shit to me if it wasn't in the context of work: "Lady, I have a marketing background and this is fucking pathetic. No means no! We're not your target market and we're nowhere near your target market! Do you really get paid for this? And none of your office supply crap will make a difference to my boss, who also has a marketing background and would be trying really hard not to laugh in your face if he was here."

What I said: "Yes, thank you, we will give it to him."

Her: "Will you really give it to him?"

No, lady, I'm planning on fucking eating it! I thought that very loudly.

Finally she ran out of bullshit and left.

You should all be proud. I didn't say "fuck" once until after she left the building.

You also have to wonder how these people tie their shoes in the morning - no wait, that's why velcro was invented.

And at times like this, I wish I could revert to what my dad said to us growing up when we nagged and were being general pains in the ass: "Would you like your answer loud or soft?"

Sometimes, we'd say, "Soft!" and he'd whisper, "No."

Sometimes, we'd say, "LOUD!" and he'd roar, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" and we would collapse into giggles.

Wouldn't that be satisfying?