Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Just call me Scrooge

Things I will not miss about the Christmas season:

1. Two of the radio stations I rely on for cheesy 80s music playing the same 10 Christmas songs over and over. And over. Come on, people! For the past 6 weeks I haven't been able to get a Chicago or Toto fix. I mean, come on.

2. Hearing those same 10 songs freaking EVERYWHERE I GO. Hasn't anyone besides Mariah Carey come up with anything new since, say, Jingle Bell Rock? What the fuck does "fa la la la la" mean, anyway?

3. Hearing the next verses of those 10 songs in my head because I had to learn them for choir as a kid. Mind you, we also had to learn such lovely tunes as "The Old Folks at Home," "Deep in the Heart of Texas," and others whose sadistic keys were meant never to leave your memory. I must hum this stuff in my nightmares.

4. People driving like assholes in parking lots even more than they normally do, which is saying something. The last couple of weeks in particular, it has become a fucking free for all to see who can park the closest to the entrance because a) it is sprinkling and b) they don't want to drag their 26 kids through the parking lot.

5. Apologizing to people whose cards the post office failed to deliver. (Mind you, I only send cards to out-of-towners, so it pisses me off twice as much when they don't arrive.)

6. Insisting to said people that I really DID send a card, when I explain and they say, "Oh, don't worry about a card..." Translation: "I sent you one, and so clearly I am more thoughtful than you."

7. Hearing from my family in California about how they're walking around outside. If I walked around outside here, I think I would drown after freezing.

8. Having routine trips to the grocery store turn into a 31,000-person nightmare. Every. Single. Time. Come on, fuckers! You bump into me with your fucking carts like you're in that Toys R Us contest from the 1980s. You remember that one, right? Where a kid gets 60 seconds to grab whatever s/he wants in the store as if his or her life depended on that? Meanwhile, I just want some fucking cilantro.

9. Being tempted to spend money I don't have in the spice store (the spice store!), where I have gone only because I can't find one spice anywhere else, because everything is sooooooo neatly tied with gorgeous ribbon and smells so damn good. What can I say? It appeals to my OCD.

10. People asking if I had a tofurki for Christmas. Hmm, let's see. I didn't have one for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't eat one unless I risked starvation. Do the math ;)

But can I say as a postscript...Tartar Sauce the Grumpy Cat, you are my reason for living!

20 comments:

Cheryl said...

Even with my love of Christmas music, I sympathize with the fact that all your radio stations went Christmassy. And you are right...they play the same songs over and over and over till a person want's to be stabbed in the eardrums by a drunken elf.

As for the drivers...right you are.

Again you are right about the shopping cart mayhem. There should be cart "rules of the aisle" and tickets given for overly aggressive cart users.

I adore that cat picture. Worlds cutest expression on a cat.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

Grumble Grumble Grumble and LOL, Too!
You are so right--Grrrrrr
AND,
So Funny, Too!

Love the pictures, my dear....!
And hopefully, there will not be any more Christmas Music till next October!!!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Pray to Ceiling Cat and bitch with Grumpy Cat. All will be right in your world.

LL Cool Joe said...

That grumpy cat makes me smile. Someone had a good Christmas then? ;D

Darth Weasel said...

Last year, inexplicably I set up a Christmas music Pandora station.

Okay, it is actually splicable...I wanted to hear the song "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas".

Anyway, to hear that song i had to wade through all the others. The problem is not that they play the same ten songs...the problem is there are only ten Christmas songs so 100 different people do them.

So I hear "Santa Clause is coming to Town" by Elvis. The very next track is "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Sinatra. Being even more unlistenable, I thumbs down it and skip to the next track which is...do I even have to tell you? Don't even remember who it was by.

After that thumbs down they get the message and play "White Christmas". And then, just to mix it up again..."Santa Clause is Coming to Town" by the Jackson Five I think it was.

I started keeping track. That song was the worst offender with no fewer than eleven times being played in one hour.

On a completely unrelated note...I did not listen to that station this year.

I did, however, you tube "Green Christmas" by Stan Freberg and I heartily recommend you do the same.

Claire said...

Oh Grumpy Cat! If and when I go to see 'Les Miserables', I may just have to nab that one.

A life without Toto isn't one I'd be willing to endure for more than a month or so - as much as I *love* Christmas I am quite enjoying listening to normal music again!

Granny Annie said...

Every single time I stepped in either vehicle to go somewhere the same exact Christmas song was playing. HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS!! At least you had ten to choose from.

Lynn said...

As much as I enjoyed being at my sister's - I grew a little weary of Elvis's Christmas tunes (a tradition in our family because dad liked Elvis.) I'm still hearing Blue Christmas in my head. :)

wigsf3 said...

25 or 6 to 4
vs.
hold the line

The eternal battles rages on

The Elephant's Child said...

And, in twenty five minutes Valentines Day and Easter paraphanalia will hit the stores. On the positive side, I am glad that neither of them has a side track (that I can remember). I am more than over Christmas songs.

Shionge said...

Hiya RK :) I am so totally with you about the christmas songs and jingles....that is the reason why I don't tune in to the radio station during this period.

It is the same for our Lunar New Year (coming soon in Feb 13), all day long...tv, radio, malls playing the New Year's songs..."Kong Xi, Kong Xi" I'm having a headache now hahahha...

Anyway...Have a great New Year ahead ;)

Riot Kitty said...

C: I'm all for rules of the aisle. I am thinking we could co-author a post about that.
OLOTH: Yeah, I can live without it for another 10 months.
Debra: An excellent idea!
Joey: Me too! It was OK.
Darth: You have material for an entire post there!
Claire: I was totally wondering what a Christmas lover like you was going to post :)
GA: That sounds pretty...well, miserable actually. Mine was the curse of Jingle Bell Rock. I happened to tell my little brother how much I hated it, and then it followed me. Everywhere.
Lynn: I like Elvis, but I don't like anyone enough to listen to their Christmas music.
WIGSF: WAT?
TEC: Such a good point! If there were theme music for every holiday, we'd all be fucked. And not in a good way.
S: Oh no! I'm glad we don't have New Year's songs here...they're all tucked into the Christmas songs. Happy New Year to you (non-musically!)

G. B. Miller said...

Tartar Sauce the Grumpy Cat.

Priceless.

Btw, he has his own YouTube channel.

Also btw, Yello Bear is extremely disappointed that he can't comment on your blog. I think he would liven the place up just a tad.

Now, onto Christmas.

I will say that for the very first time, I avoided all the items on your list save the spice thingy and the tofurki thingy.

I only played my "A Peanuts Christmas" CD only once this Christmas season.

Repeat after me, once.

Riot Kitty said...

GB: I LOVE that CD! Sorry to Yello Bear :( He can always comment through you ;)

JACKIESUE said...

I'm mad cause not once did I get to hear Cheech and Chong tell the Christmas story about Santa and his old lady.

Charles Gramlich said...

We weren't walking around down here today because it rained hard most of the day and our yard is a pond.

Introverted Art said...

OMG 1-4 could have been said by me. Exactly. I live real close to a VERY busy mall and sometimes I cannot even make it home. People get so rude and aggressive, I've even been flipped off by an arthritic 90 year old...

Riot Kitty said...

Jackiesue: I have go to look for that! Haven't seen/heard it.
Charles: OK, I won't be so jealous.
IA: Seriously! Did you get a picture?

Ileana said...

Well, in Miami we get Fa la la la la with a Spanish accent AND the "Niño de Belen" song has been playing nonstop on the local radio stations since the day after Thanksgiving. Not cool, chica, NOT cool.

Love the kitties!

Riot Kitty said...

Hey chica! That would be a change here, at least ;)