Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Adultery alphabet soup


I'm not sure where to begin. I woke up a couple of days ago feeling like something was weird with some of my elderly relatives (who I won't name here in case my family reads this.)

Turns out, an 85-year-old relative (we'll call her Relative A) is threatening to divorce an 86-year-old relative (we'll call him Relative B) because she says he is having an affair.

Now, normally I'd laugh this off because Relative A has unfortunately had several strokes and has had some paranoia and scrambled memories. However, Relative C (the adult son of Relatives A & B) lives nearby and told Relative D (another child of Relatives A & B) that it is true!

"Holy shit!" I said to Relative D, when I heard the news. "He can hardly walk, how can he have the energy to do that?"

Relative D: "You don't have to be able to walk well to be able to lie down."

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW.

So after some discussion, Mr. RK put my mind at rest, reminding me that Relative B is a super religious person who is also such a prude that he came up with pseudonyms for body parts when raising his children.

"Anyone who has to invent another word for penis," said Mr. RK, "has got to be pretty repressed. He is probably just having coffee dates with someone."

I think this reassured Relative D, but I am still in serious need of mental bleach.

14 comments:

LL Cool Joe said...

It's possible to have an affair without sex. Would that make it less of an issue to you if it was that kind of an affair?

Scarlet Ily said...

They're probably just coffee dates (for now). Maybe things will heat up when he's 90(?). OMG! I feel bad for Relative A. When the one you love has an emotional connection with someone else, that can be devastating (at any age).

PS - Love the kitty quote and the kitty's expression! :)

WhatIGotSoFar said...

I disagree with Mr. RK. I have many words for penis but I don't think I'm repressed. Is it repressed of me to call my penis a woman cork?

G said...

No real comment to make other than your last line of "I am still in need of a serious mental bleach" I think trumps anything that I've written in the past year.

Granny Annie said...

Ask any retirement home or nursing home administrator what one of the biggest problems is in handling the residents and you will find bed hopping is rampant. Does libido end at a certain age and what age might that be? And can a person still find someone whose companionship they enjoy more than their spouse at any age?

Boonie S said...

Thanks for the A to Z run down. Interesting.

All the best, Boonie

Lynn said...

My aunt lives in assisted living and kept saying she would wake up and find some man sitting in there staring at her - he was finally caught. Another resident. :)

I think there are such things as emotional affairs if someone feels they need someone to talk to and be there for them. I'll bet that is what is happening here.

Riot Kitty said...

Joey: That's a good point. I was just horrified at the whole thing honestly.
Ily: I do, too, but she has been horrible to him for quite some time, so if he needs a coffee friend, I get it.
WIGSF: LMAO!
G: I think you've come up with better...
GA: That's true - STDs are rapidly increasing in nursing homes for the same reason. It's just that this particular relative has always been such a prude I was really shocked.
B: Thanks ;)
L: Yuck! I think you are right about the emotional affair part - like what Joey said.

Pearl said...

For some reason, I find jealousy at that age rather adorable.

Pearl

Mama Zen said...

Behold what Viagra has wrought!

G said...

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

At the moment, I'm down to pilfering other people's quotes in order to give people an "AH-HA!" moment.

Riot Kitty said...

Pearl: I told Mr. RK that if we make it that long, he'd better not fuck around with anyone but me!
MZ: Seriously.
G: Well, you know what they say: when you borrow from one person, it's plagiarism. When you borrow from six, it's research.

Senorita said...

I LOVE your lol cat !

Fireblossom said...

LOL @ MZ. Mental bleach...yikes!

I'm with you on the euphemisms = major repression.