Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Worst pick-up lines...ever.
Kristin wrote a post about the disappointment of finding out that the person you like is actually kind of a shithead (aptly titled, "Well, this sucks.")
I've had that happen many, many times, and it definitely does suck...but her post made me think of a post that I have been meaning to write for awhile.
And that would be about the worst pick-up lines EVER.
Because I swear to you, they've all been said to me - the stupid, the ridiculous, the super crass.
Top these. I triple dog dare you.
1. Walking past a cute guy outside a record store with a friend. He says, "Hey," and smiles. We both say, "Hey." He says, "Does one of you want to pay for me to get my nose pierced tonight?"
2. In a restaurant with a friend. Guy walks up to me while my mouth is full of salad. "Is that salad good?" Leaves. Comes back 2 seconds later. "You wanna go out sometime?"
3. On the FIRST DATE with someone, apropos of absolutely nothing related - I mean we were literally talking about politics - he spouts off, "So do you think it's more important that a guy is really well endowed, or that he knows what he's doing?" Thinking back, I should have said, "There has to be a choice?" But instead, I told him I was really into bondage, to make sure he never called me back. It worked.
4. On a blind double-date (never, never do that) with friends. I don't drink. He works at a winery and is super into wine, which is all he talks about all night. He has a couple of drinks and says, "RK, do you prefer it when guys are polite and politically correct, or do you want to really know when they want to sleep with you?"
Same idiot calls me less than 12 hours later, the next morning, to apologize. I told him to fuck off.
5. From a guy I dated for awhile in college: "Do you want to fuck my friend?" It's Halloween, and the friend is covered in grease paint makeup, by the way. Um, no.
6. Situation reversed: "Do you want to have a threesome with me and your roommate?"
7. "And here we are at our home!" On one of our first dates, meeting at his house. Holy. Fucking. Shit. No more dates after that!
8. I had a guy follow me out of a bookstore in New York and keep asking me out, over and over. Finally, I lied and told him I was gay. "That's OK - I still think you're hot!"
9. Meeting someone online, before we ever met in person - he sent me an e-mail with a ZIP file attachment that, thank God, I couldn't open. Because the e-mail said this: "So here are some of the things I think you might enjoy. But if the duct tape and bondage are too intimidating, we can skip that." DELETE!
10. "I forgot to tell you - I have a 5-year-old son with Tourette's." This was said by...Mr. RK! On our first date! He was kidding, of course, but I nearly stopped the car and threw him out of it.
So now, I'm all ears! Or eyes. Spill it! What are the worst lines you've ever heard?
And speaking of ridiculous...remember this guy? (See top.)