End of the week CUTE!

Mr. RK's mom has a friend who keeps baby squirrels, and apparently they're very friendly and a little shy.

Not to shy to cuddle with Mr. RK...and then poop on him.

Ah, well, it's just further proof that if you're cute, you can get away with just about anything! Happy end of the week!

The phrase "patently ridiculous" comes to mind

I grew up in (among other places) Santa Clara County, California, so when that county made national headlines for being - well, patently ridiculous - I just had to read the whole story.

Before I begin, some disclaimers:

1. I do not eat at McDonald's.
2. I don't have kids, but I don't think my little siblings should eat the crap that McDonald's sells.
2. I am a believer in healthy eating.
3. I believe that any establishment that sells food (or what they purport to be food)should tell you exactly what's in it.

However, my home county deciding to outlaw Happy Meal toys - I kid you not - is just unbelievable. Their reasoning: it'll take the lure of the toy away from the high-fat, unhealthy crap that McDonald's masquerades as "food" that is leading kids to end up looking like Grimace. (That's the purple guy above.)

Oh, bravo. Forget the big, insane government angle of it - how about parenting? Are we so pathetic as a society, are we so bad helping our children make good nutritional decisions, that the county supervisors now have to do it for us?

And what's next? Are the food police going to ban toys in sugary breakfast cereals? Contests from candy and gum manufacturers? Can you say Big Brother?

What's your take on this?

Nice stuff

OK, grab your kleenex, here are a couple of nice things that happened (which, for the record, I do write about occasionally, in between rants.)

1. I made homemade pizza this weekend and it turned out well! Mr. RK, who pulls no punches, said he liked it better than any restaurant pizza. When my little sister was five (she's nine now), she told us, "I love you guys more than pizza!" Mr. RK said, "Make this pizza for her and see if she feels the same way!"

2. A woman who walked with our team last year gave me an unsolicited, totally unexpected $300 donation. She wrote, "You and your boss and your organization are priceless! Hope this helps a little." I'm going to print that out and re-read it the next time I get a mean person on the phone.

3. An amputee made the U.S. track team! Talk about success! Last week I gave a short talk about how people living with a mental illness are all too often taught to have low expectations, and that we should reject them. Ditto for people with physical disabilities, as this wonderful athlete has proven.

There, is that warm and sunny enough for you?

Manners

I just can't stand it when people are rude in social situations - and I mean rude for no reason at all.

Tell me if I'm crazy, but when I was growing up, we were raised to:

1. Acknowledge gifts with a thank you.

2. Not cut in line in front of people.

3. Say, "excuse me," or "I'm sorry," if you accidentally got in someone's way.

4. Move over if someone said, "Excuse me."

5. Not learn to dive like assholes.

6. Be courteous to people on the phone.

Etc.

So it pisses me off, say, when we get gifts for a young family member, even though money is tight, and they aren't even acknowledged by his parent. No note. No phone call. No "thank you." How hard is it to at least let me know the clothes fit, or he liked his other present?

It pisses me off more when I get calls at work and people take out their frustration with their computer illiteracy on me. One caller this week actually said, "Sorry I'm being such a bitch about this."

I wanted to say, "So am I!"

Or last night in the video store, Mr. RK said, "Excuse me," to a woman standing in the way of our cashier. She just looked at him. I said, "Excuse me," and she just looked at me. I then said, "They're trying to ring us up." She glared at us and when she left the parking lot, she screeched her tires.

Is it me, or are people more impolite nowadays than they used to be? I don't remember so much everyday rudeness from when I was growing up.

Although, funny story - I had a friend in high school who was very aggressive, but was taught by her mom to address everyone as "mam" and "sir." We were at the gym one time and this guy started yelling at her because he said she was using one of the machines too long. She apologized, and when he kept yelling, she looked him square in the face and said, "Fuck you, sir!"

Worst pick-up lines...ever.

Kristin wrote a post about the disappointment of finding out that the person you like is actually kind of a shithead (aptly titled, "Well, this sucks.")

I've had that happen many, many times, and it definitely does suck...but her post made me think of a post that I have been meaning to write for awhile.

And that would be about the worst pick-up lines EVER.

Because I swear to you, they've all been said to me - the stupid, the ridiculous, the super crass.

Top these. I triple dog dare you.

1. Walking past a cute guy outside a record store with a friend. He says, "Hey," and smiles. We both say, "Hey." He says, "Does one of you want to pay for me to get my nose pierced tonight?"

2. In a restaurant with a friend. Guy walks up to me while my mouth is full of salad. "Is that salad good?" Leaves. Comes back 2 seconds later. "You wanna go out sometime?"

3. On the FIRST DATE with someone, apropos of absolutely nothing related - I mean we were literally talking about politics - he spouts off, "So do you think it's more important that a guy is really well endowed, or that he knows what he's doing?" Thinking back, I should have said, "There has to be a choice?" But instead, I told him I was really into bondage, to make sure he never called me back. It worked.

4. On a blind double-date (never, never do that) with friends. I don't drink. He works at a winery and is super into wine, which is all he talks about all night. He has a couple of drinks and says, "RK, do you prefer it when guys are polite and politically correct, or do you want to really know when they want to sleep with you?"
Same idiot calls me less than 12 hours later, the next morning, to apologize. I told him to fuck off.

5. From a guy I dated for awhile in college: "Do you want to fuck my friend?" It's Halloween, and the friend is covered in grease paint makeup, by the way. Um, no.

6. Situation reversed: "Do you want to have a threesome with me and your roommate?"

7. "And here we are at our home!" On one of our first dates, meeting at his house. Holy. Fucking. Shit. No more dates after that!

8. I had a guy follow me out of a bookstore in New York and keep asking me out, over and over. Finally, I lied and told him I was gay. "That's OK - I still think you're hot!"

9. Meeting someone online, before we ever met in person - he sent me an e-mail with a ZIP file attachment that, thank God, I couldn't open. Because the e-mail said this: "So here are some of the things I think you might enjoy. But if the duct tape and bondage are too intimidating, we can skip that." DELETE!

10. "I forgot to tell you - I have a 5-year-old son with Tourette's." This was said by...Mr. RK! On our first date! He was kidding, of course, but I nearly stopped the car and threw him out of it.

So now, I'm all ears! Or eyes. Spill it! What are the worst lines you've ever heard?

And speaking of ridiculous...remember this guy? (See top.)

Out of the closet

I had the only phone call in 2+ years in my job today that made me cry - and it wasn't a helpline call! Just a nasty bitch who couldn't figure out what printed materials she wanted for our event.

So of course embarrassment + anxiety = I did not want to go present about our event at a meeting tonight. But as I tell other friends with anxiety...fight it. Don't give in to it. GO! Marvin K. Mooney! (OK, if you're not a Dr. Seuss fan, you might not get that reference.)

So I went.

*Spoiler alert*: this now becomes a warm and fuzzy post.

And a friend of mine, who was running the meeting and volunteers for our organization, asked me to share some of my own personal story.

Now, I'm not "in the closet" about having depression and anxiety, but I've never stood up in front of a group of people and gone into detail about it. For one thing, I like to focus on the cause, and it's not about me.

But I remembered what I heard a civil rights attorney say a few months ago at a mental health event: "If we are going to make progress and end stigma in our movement, we must copy another movement, and come out."

So I did.

Nothing formal, nothing scripted, but it seemed to go over OK. I got some nice comments afterwards, but the best one came from a volunteer who said, "I am so proud that one of my peers is putting on this big event!"

Sharing past struggles gave her hope.

I'll get off my soap box now, but that canceled out the bitch on the phone this morning.

But the best part was when my friend's husband said, "Hey, that was great! You didn't say 'fuck' once!"

How do you relax? (The G-rated version, please.)

Joey wrote an interesting post which inspired this one.

I have realized lately that I am very seldom relaxed - it's in my nature to scurry around like a squirrel, always thinking about what I can do next. I feel the urge to be productive, not just for work but in my volunteer work, helping out friends and family, etc.

But I am trying, as Mr. RK says, to "de-program" myself a bit and relax some. I took yesterday and today off, and of course my first thought was, "We'll go to the beach! We'll go to Seattle! We'll..." And then I realized I just needed to have a couple of days to do...not much.

Mind you, my cats (like Mr. Lucky, above) have it down pat - they seem to have no problem finding the right balance of play vs. relaxation (no work.)

Which made me think, what do I do to relax?

Some things that come to mind: going out to Thai food, eating cheese enchiladas, wearing myself out with exercise, reading Agatha Christie (I know, I know, murder mysteries shouldn't be relaxing, but it's an escape), and I have switched to decaf. But it's not in my nature to be mellow. Even on trips/vacations I don't really relax - I want to do all and see all kinds of stuff.

Now, I know I will always be a "type A" personality (come to think of which, what are B,C,D, etc.? Do they exist? Food for thought.) But do you think it's possible to de-program, or re-program?

What do you do to relax?

Wordless Wednesday

Things they assume if you go shopping for bras

OK, boys forewarned: this is a totally girly post. AAB (All About Bras.)

Stop reading if you like. Keep reading if you want to laugh at the sad state of affairs that equals shopping for a bra.

Based on shopping experiences that I've had my entire adult life - and sadly, as of last weekend, nothing's changed - I can only come to the conclusion that manufacturers of bras assume the following:

1. If you're a C-cup or above, you want hospital matron-style, super-industrial-thick-strapped bras.

2. Even though you're already well-equipped, you must want MORE! You must want a PADDED bra!

3. If you're less than a B cup, you want something that resembles children's pyjamas. Polka dots, flowers, cottony shit. 'Cause you're probably still a virgin, or totally uninterested in looking sexy, which is for B cup people only.

4. If you want anything lacey (or remotely sexy - hell, how about not plain and ugly?), you also don't want any support whatsoever.

5. If you want anything attractive, you have a huge budget. Seriously, WTF? The smaller the amount of fabric, the more it costs. Economics says this should not be so!

6. If you shop in a store that is not limited to women's clothing, the bras will be stationed near something really convenient for peeping (bored? undersexed?) males, like men's underwear.

7. Depending on the colors of this fashion season, you're still living in the 1970s: Tang orange, magenta, and lime green are all you need.

8. If you are looking for a strapless bra, you want to be intimidated by a Borg-type looking contraption that is scary just to LOOK at.

9. If you want a racerback bra (e.g. one that won't show straps under a tank top), be prepared for a back-handed game of Twister in which you will always be the loser. You'll never understand this bra.

10. If there isn't an excessive amount of padding, you want your boobs to be shaped like cones.

11. My favorite...somehow they are made to be easily unhooked by the wearer, but impossible to unhook from your partner. Really romantic having to say, "Wait a minute - I'll get it!"

Answers to the pop quiz

So far, three of you are at a tie for first place, guessing three out of ten. So if you would like a chocolate bar, let me know, G, Shay, and WIGSF.

Here are the answers:

1. he could lick 'em by smiling
he could leave 'em to hang
David Bowie, Ziggie Stardust

2. There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
Leonard Cohen, Hallelujah

3. she's just a corn-fed white-bred chick
born in the right zip code
she comes with a gold card
she'll never have to pay for it
Veruca Salt, Best You Can Get

4. No evolution
Sometimes it depresses me
The same old same
We keep repeating history
Garbage, Sex is Not the Enemy

5. Feel the breeze deep on the inside look you down into your well
If you can you'll see the world in all his fire
Duran Duran, Save a Prayer

6. I hope my legs don't break
walking on the moon
The Police, Walking on the Moon

7. And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad,
So I had one more for dessert.
Then I fumbled in my closet through my clothes
And found my cleanest dirty shirt
Johnny Cash, Sunday Morning Coming Down
Apparently also done (first) by Kris Kristofferson

8. You were always spoiled with a thousand toys but still you cried all night.
Your mother who neglected you owes a million dollars tax.
Rolling Stones, 19th Nervous Breakdown

9. Good morning, I'm leaving
And I'll be back in a few days
But that's just the way it is, you know
Sheryl Crow, Hole in My Pocket

10. Ja ne sais pas ce que je
Veux mais je l'aurai
Je veux semer la terreur dans la rue
Sex Pistols, L'Anarchie Pour Le UK
Which is Anarchy in the UK in French!

Music lyric trivia

OK, some of these are dead easy and some require extra credit...see how many you can get. And no, this is not an open book (e.g. Internet use is barred) test! (No, it's not about food or Cookie Monster, but he is my hero and I liked this picture. Contrary to the tune Sesame Street has been forced to sing, cookies are *not* just a "sometimes food.")

These range from rock to punk to country to alternative to folk.

Person with the most correct guesses gets a $4 bar of Portland's own Moonstruck Chocolate. (Yes, they're *that* good.)If you are not a chocolate person, we'll negotiate.

1. he could lick 'em by smiling
he could leave 'em to hang

2. There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?

3. she's just a corn-fed white-bred chick
born in the right zip code
she comes with a gold card
she'll never have to pay for it

4. No evolution
Sometimes it depresses me
The same old same
We keep repeating history

5. Feel the breeze deep on the inside look you down into your well
If you can you'll see the world in all his fire

6. EASY
I hope my legs don't break
walking on the moon

7. And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad,
So I had one more for dessert.
Then I fumbled in my closet through my clothes
And found my cleanest dirty shirt.

8. You were always spoiled with a thousand toys but still you cried all night.
Your mother who neglected you owes a million dollars tax.

9. Good morning, I'm leaving
And I'll be back in a few days
But that's just the way it is, you know

10. SUPER BONUS EXTRA CREDIT
Ja ne sais pas ce que je
Veux mais je l'aurai
Je veux semer la terreur dans la rue

PS Robert Tres, seeing as how you came up with some of these, you can't play, 'cause that would be cheating. And you eat enough chocolate anyhow.

For everyone who wants a piece of me

here you go! Let's start with a shoulder!

Seriously, I'm soooooooooooo glad it's Friday. How about you?

Contrary to the beliefs of some people, I am:

1. Not bionic
2. Unable to clone myself
3. Unable to be in 5 places at once
4. Totally fucking UNWILLING TO DO EVERYONE ELSE'S WORK FOR THEM!

And now a word from our sponsors

This is opening up a big can of worms...

but fuck it.

We're all grownups (albeit some of us are more grown-up than others), and this is a subject that I'm curious about.

The million dollar question: What do you consider the difference between porn and erotica? Or is there one?

I had an interesting conversation with a good friend a few days ago and I was surprised to hear how vehemently she opposed porn - and interested to hear her reasons. She enjoys erotica, however.

This got me thinking, because I think I enjoy some of both. Erica Jong, for instance, is one of my favorite writers, and I think she writes both porn and erotica.


Here are the ground rules/assumptions:

1. If you are offended by this post, you don't have to partake in the discussion.
2. No name-calling or rudeness to other bloggers' replies, please.
3. I am talking about porn and erotica in the context of consenting adults.

So what do you think?

Happy Easter!

Things I like about Easter:

1. Cadbury eggs. Nom nom!

2. Painting eggs. We're going to try it tomorrow by sucking the egg out and then hopefully keeping the shell intact. Somehow, I hear crunching in our future.

3. Spring. Yeah, it's raining and it sucks, but I like to see flowers blooming and think one of these days, it might actually be warm.

4. Watching the Charlie Brown special.

5. Stuffed animal bunnies. I love collecting these - in fact I have so many, I'm sure it's socially irresponsible.

How about you? What do you like about Easter/spring?