Saturday, March 06, 2010
Inquiring minds want to know
Things I want to know the answers to:
1. Why do people who are in the lane next to you, turning the opposite direction from you, but who have (mind you) no visibility issues, pull way out in front of you while they're waiting, thus blocking your visibility? And why do they all tend to be in SUVs? (OK, I know the answer to that second one.)
2. Why do the women in advertisements for hair coloring and shampoo products look like their hairstyles are out of a 1973 high school yearbook? Does anyone really wear "wings" these days? Why would this make me want to use these products? Do they picture someone reading this ad thinking, "OMG! That's just what I looked like in my senior picture in 1975! If I buy this product, I'll look like that again! Even though this mag is targeting 18-25s and I'm not their target market, anyway!"
3. Why do some people go out of their way - unsolicited - to offer things, and then never deliver? One person comes to mind who does this over and over again, but they're sensitive enough that I can't call them on it without a scene.
4. Craigslist - oh boy, where do I begin? This could have entire subcategories. Craigslist question #1: Why do people try to haggle with you when your ad says "price firm"? This happened to Mr. RK a couple of times in as many days. Why these shitheads really think if they show up and offer you less - after you've told them in your ad, AND on the phone, that your price is firm? It seems to be either haggling over a few bucks, like $10 or $20, which hardly seems worth it, or totally lowballing you, like offering $250 for a laptop you're advertising for $400, which is just insulting.
I really want to know why people do this. Do they expect us to say, "Hey, you know what? I was irritated the first time you asked about this, but since then, I've come around, and I don't mind being ripped off. Here's the goody for $XX less."
5. Craigslist question #2 - Why are THE MOST FUCKING ANNOYING PEOPLE shopping there? Case in point - a bitch who came over to buy a cheap amplifier for her grandson from Mr. RK. First, she's an hour and a half late. The only reason we were around is because we're both feeling a bit under the weather. (For that matter, I hope you caught our colds, lady.) Second, she haggles on the phone AND in person, trying to knock $15 off an already cheap price. Mr. RK just wanted to get rid of it. Third - she is FUCKING ANNOYING AS FUCK! She spent about 15 or 20 minutes trying to haggle, comparing the sound quality to a $700 amp she had just looked at in the mall. I was in the other room and it was all I could do not to literally go into my living room and say, "Hey, Mr. RK! I'll buy the fucking amp SO THIS FUCKING ANNOYING BITCH CAN GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR HOUSE!"
I'm not kidding. But I didn't want to make Mr. RK annoyed.
Had I been alone with the cats, I would have just come out and said that ;)
6. Why do the most irritating people have such an inflated sense of self-importance? And why are they all involved with events at my work?
7. Does anyone actually like Big Bird? I mean, find him endearing? Or does he strike you, like he strikes me, as a great big whiny annoying yellow fuck?
If you can answer all of these questions, I'll send you a gift card to Starbucks.