Saturday, May 31, 2008


We were having a discussion about patience - and our lack thereof - in my office on Friday, after what my boss described as "a two-hour meeting that should have taken 10 minutes."

I think most meetings should take 10 minutes or less - more than that, and it's just people who want to hear themselves talk. But such is the nature of's kind of a chicken and egg thing, really.

So - here is the best definition of "patience" that I have ever found:

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (American Writer, Journalist and Editor, 1842-1914)

And while we're on the subject, I have some patience for just about everyone and everything - even really, really difficult stuff - but absolutely none for computers and their fuck-ups.

One of my coworkers brought in an entire file of funny stuff this week, and one of my favorites was a list of haiku relating to computer messages.

The joke is that in Japan, they've replaced MicroSoft (e.g. the Evil Empire, switch to Firefox!) error messages with haiku. Whoever came up with these - 5, 7, 5 syllables, 3 lines - is a fucking genius.

Because let's face it - MicroSoft SUCKS, AND they have a monopoly. How the fuck can this have happened? It's like a condom with holes in it being the only one on the market.

But seriously...if any of these popped up as error messages, I'd have to laugh my ass off rather than pull out my hair.

I challenge everyone reading to invent their own as well! Try these for inspiration...written by an unknown genius:

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Windows has crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Your file was big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

First snow, then silence.
this thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
this page is not here.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located, but
countless more exist.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

Having been erased,
the document you're seeking
must now be retyped.

The Tao that is seen
is not the true Tao - until
you bring fresh toner.


leftcoast said...

Interestingly, I couldn't have read this post yesterday as I was having computer "issues".

Spoke with tech support
gave detailed list of issues.
tech guy blew me off.

'Nuff said.

vivavavoom said...

Patience I have none
My computer works but I don't.
I need a tune up

(and I have no ability to haiku)

Darth Weasel said...

I find it hilarious that we had a Friday meeting to talk about...wait for it...when and where we would hold our weekly meetings.

let's see, 5/7/5

work hard have meeting
wasted time and energy
my work here is done

Scarlet said...

oh no, not again!
see what happens to you when
you watch porn at work!

(That's the best I could do w/ my first haiku.)

Riot Kitty said...

I love everyone's haiku! Bring them on!

JLee said...

Send error message?
Hell no, F*#@ing computer!
I'm sorry...come back.

Ok, that was lame.