Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Just an ordinary week...if you're a cannibal, a sicko, or an idiot.

Once again, I will start with my disclaimer: I would not, could not make this up!

I live in an urban area about 20 miles from this place. Which might as well be an entire fucking solar system away from where I live, based on one week's police log, which was so fucking FUCKED UP that it made a national website. Funny enough, although I am a regular reader of local news, Mr. RK saw this on Fark first.

I thought I had heard my share of weird and bizarre stuff sitting next to the police reporter at my last job, but. Oh. My. GOD.

Here are some highlights. Tell me how they stack up to your town:

First, there's the weird:
Police located a teen-aged boy wearing a diaper. The boy admitted that he was wearing the diaper for sexual gratification. Because regular underwear just won't do the trick.
The weirder: 
A caller asked an officer to contact a neighbor about an issue on her behalf, as she (the caller) was susceptible to cannibalism. I...um. What does "susceptible" mean? Like, every other Tuesday? And WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO FOLLOW UP ON THIS CALL?! Inquiring minds want to know.

And the what-the-fuck stupid:
  • A man called to report the theft of his birth certificate, but then learned his mom had it. Right. I wonder if his IQ was also reported missing.
    A man leaving a party through a window "thought he was wanted by the police, but he wasn't." It wouldn't surprise me if he had said, "I thought you knew about that meth sale from last week!"

  • A concerned citizen called police after observing what appeared to be an adult man hugging a 10-year-old boy. The boy actually turned out to be a short female adult. Now, as a short person, am I a potential victim?
  • A woman called police to report that her son's dog had gone blind. She was advised to contact a veterinarian. Or, they could have told her that the dog *knew* what would happen if he kept it up with that diaper.
  • A woman called police after her neighbor was trying to “hit on her”. He was not likely making a favorable impression as he also was allegedly trying to trap her cats. Police advised the man to leave the caller alone. What about leaving the cats alone? HEY, bucko! 
  • A citizen called police to see if her roommate, who was moving out, was allowed to have friends help her move. Because you never know...one of them could be a cannibal.

25 comments:

LL Cool Joe said...

I'm still trying to work out how you get sexual gratification from wearing a diaper... so I can try it out, after I've eaten the limbs of my neighbour.

Elephant's Child said...

Oh my. Are you sure you are living in the right place? No weird habits that you haven't mentioned to us?
Perhaps some of these individuals should be introduced to each other. Though a breeding set is a frightening (terrifying) concept.

Birdie said...

Incontinent people everywhere are shaking their heads.

DWei said...

Sadly, this barely fazes me. I guess I'm kind of jaded and have seen way too many things that have been much worse.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

Like Joey...I'm trying to figure out the gratification from the diaper....lol......The World Has Gone Mad and going round the bend more and more even as I write this!!!
Living in L.A. I'm sure there are weirder things happening here----I just don't hear those news items....

Granny Annie said...

My uncle was over 6' tall and his wife, my aunt, was just under 5' tall. It is a wonder people didn't call the cops on him all the time for being a pedophile. Everyone called her chigger.

Lynn said...

That's all just wild! And it reminds me of the police blotter stories they find to put in our local publication Creative Loafing.

Ms. CrankyPants said...

When I was in 7th grade, and thought adult diapers were HILARIOUS, a friend and I got free samples of Depends. We put them on and stood in my parents' bedroom (?), trying to work up the courage to GO. No dice. Thank God no one called the police on us.

p.s. It was not sexually gratifying either.

Rock Chef said...

If I had a room mate like that I would have wanted very big friends helping me get out...

Rock Chef said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rock Chef said...

If I had a room mate like that I would have wanted very big friends helping me get out...

Rock Chef said...

If I had a room mate like that I would have wanted very big friends helping me get out...

lgsquirrel said...

Ummm.......and I thought the weirdest thing until now was a Kitty firing a submachine gun! But now I understand that a kitty has to protect herself from the weirdos.

Over in Malaysia, we have a grown man pretending to be a grey squirrel .......neighbors have called animal control!

Mike_D said...


How do they know she's susceptible to cannibalism? Really???

Abby said...

It's these kinds of things that make me never want to be a cop. But writing the police blotter might be fun!

Charles Gramlich said...

I don't believe I'm susceptible to cannabilism but you never know I guess.

G. B. Miller said...

These little episodes reminds of a weird t.v. program called "Panic 911" (I believe), in which audio recordings of things like this get played.

Like the 911 call of a woman who was locked inside her car and couldn't get out.

Betty Manousos said...

oh my- people's bizarre oddities. such weird stories today... but your lol cats made me smile.

big hugs!

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Vanessa Morgan said...

That first pic... What a face!

Lee said...

For those reasons and for so many more are why I live an almost reclusive existence, by my own choosing, and love it!

There are some strange folk out there!!!

I'm going to knock back every dinner or lunch invitation from now on! One never knows!!! ;)

Dexter Klemperer said...

In these weirdos defense, that is usually the slowest newsweek of the year. Maybe I just look for my news in all the wrong places.

A Beer For The Shower said...

I feel like if you're "susceptible" to cannibalism then you should probably be locked away and never allowed near anything with flesh. But that's just me I guess.

Cheryl said...

Oh my gawd...what is wrong with people??? Although, if I lived in the area that all these calls were made...I'd want to go back to being a 911 dispatcher. I worked that job for 5 years and never once dealt with a suspected cannibal.

CraveCute said...

What the heck?? You are surrounded by weirdos! Thank goodness it's too cold here for most of that goofiness!