I live in an urban area about 20 miles from this place. Which might as well be an entire fucking solar system away from where I live, based on one week's police log, which was so fucking FUCKED UP that it made a national website. Funny enough, although I am a regular reader of local news, Mr. RK saw this on Fark first.
I thought I had heard my share of weird and bizarre stuff sitting next to the police reporter at my last job, but. Oh. My. GOD.
Here are some highlights. Tell me how they stack up to your town:
First, there's the weird:
Police located a teen-aged boy wearing a diaper. The boy admitted that he was wearing the diaper for sexual gratification. Because regular underwear just won't do the trick.
A caller asked an officer to contact a neighbor about an issue on her behalf, as she (the caller) was susceptible to cannibalism. I...um. What does "susceptible" mean? Like, every other Tuesday? And WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO FOLLOW UP ON THIS CALL?! Inquiring minds want to know.
And the what-the-fuck stupid:
- A man called to report the theft of his birth certificate, but then learned his mom had it. Right. I wonder if his IQ was also reported missing.
A man leaving a party through a window "thought he was wanted by the police, but he wasn't." It wouldn't surprise me if he had said, "I thought you knew about that meth sale from last week!"
- A concerned citizen called police after observing what appeared to be an adult man hugging a 10-year-old boy. The boy actually turned out to be a short female adult. Now, as a short person, am I a potential victim?
- A woman called police to report that her son's dog had gone blind. She was advised to contact a veterinarian. Or, they could have told her that the dog *knew* what would happen if he kept it up with that diaper.
- A woman called police after her neighbor was trying to “hit on her”. He was not likely making a favorable impression as he also was allegedly trying to trap her cats. Police advised the man to leave the caller alone. What about leaving the cats alone? HEY, bucko!
- A citizen called police to see if her roommate, who was moving out, was allowed to have friends help her move. Because you never know...one of them could be a cannibal.