Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Advice for the uninitiated

I'd like to think I was better at getting away with things when I was a teenager.

I swear, it's like there is a multiple choice for the complete dumbass and the kiddo/my adopted brother/my "bad little brother" is circling all the wrong answers.
Such as:

1. You want to smoke pot on a weekend you're spending with relatives, who are dumb enough to let you go to a party unsupervised, even though they aren't supposed to. Do you:

A. Decide not to smoke it, as you want to be good this weekend and get more freedom, which you have been pressing for/bitching about?
B. Go off on your own and smoke it, and tell no one?
C. Smoke it, and then come to your brother's going away party and offer it to all of his teenage guests? (Your mom is also at this party.)

And the winner guessed it! C.

2. You get busted with cigarette butts and makeshift gravity bongs in your room. Do you:
A. Take responsibility and apologize?
B. Promise not to do it again?
C. Make a complete denial and angrily tell the staff that you "don't smoke in plastic" containers?

Any guesses? C again!

3. You make a plan to meet up with stoner friends and, well, get stoned. Do you:
A. Make plans over the phone?
B. Make plans via text but delete all texts before you meet up?
C. Make detailed plans over text describing exactly who, when, and where you will get stoned and leave them on your phone, which is at your adopted sister/advocate's house?

Once again... C wins the day!
Mind you, I had to have a conversation with the kiddo about sexting. E.g., don't do it.

His reply: "Hellooooooooo! Of course I wouldn't do that! I'm not stupid!"

Note to self: refer back to the multiple choice quiz. But while we're pointing fingers and laughing, I have to rat on myself. At a meeting today, I was talking to someone who used to volunteer for us and she referred to her boyfriend.

Me: "I didn't know he was your boyfriend now!"
Her: "Oh, not Guy X. Guy Y. Guy X couldn't shit or get off the pot."
Me: "And guy Y...shit?"

Well, that expression had to come from somewhere, right? Tell me I'm not the only person who asked that question.


Elephant's Child said...

Oh dear. Multiple choices are not his forte are they?
And, re your question (which I love) is the past tense of shit shat? Or is that just in my head.

LL Cool Joe said...

The questions sound close to the ones we are having with our eldest at the moment, not with drugs but other stuff. She makes Miley Cyrus look like a nun.

Rock Chef said...

So glad my kids are clever. And VERY sensible!

Granny Annie said...

I don't mean to be casting any stones here, but usually it "takes one to know one". Being a bit of a wild child myself, I was usually a step ahead of my own children. Just sayin.......

Debra She Who Seeks said...

That's the downside of living purely in the moment, isn't it? No thinking ahead about consequences or how to cover your tracks. If it feels good, do it!

And your comment on my last post cracked me up!

Ms. CrankyPants said...

I was a total dumbass as a teenager. As in, smoking in the bathroom I shared with my older (tattletale) sister, and thinking an open window and heavy blasts of perfume were sufficient cover.

Fortunately, my hijinks were pretty tame. But still. Dumbass for sure. I almost ALWAYS got caught.

Lynn said...

Hmmm - don't know what to think about that, but sounds like there's no learning curve there. :)

Yes - I would ask her that same question. :)

Abby said...

I can't really say much about the kiddo, having been a dumb teenager myself, although I was a straight-A student. Maybe if "good choices" would've been presented to me in the form of a multiple choice test? I think it's been good for my mom skills, though.

As for Guy Y, if the analogy fits...

Birdie said...

I was a good child compared to my brother and was terrified to do anything wrong. My brother on the other hand had similar excuses. He would smoke pot out the bathroom window and when my mom found pot residue he tried to say it was pine needles from the Christmas tree.

Cheryl said...

Clearly the kid isn't a "thinking it through" kind of guy....which sucks for you. Maybe instead of trying to have him act appropriately, maybe you should just teach him the skill of being more discreet. He seemingly doesn't get that concept. If someone is insistent on being stupid, at least they should up their game on how not to get caught.

Lee said...

There are far too many pots around with bums on them!

Charles Gramlich said...

Multiple face palms

Vanessa Morgan said...

Haha, what a fun test. After a while I cheated though and looked at the answers first :-)
By the way, 'meow' in Flemish is 'Miauw'. And 'purring' translates as 'spinnen' (which also means 'spiders'). I'm sure this can be life changing information if you ever meet a Flemish cat.

G. B. Miller said...

Deja vu all over again.

Which is the best I can do since I've reached that stoner state naturally.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

It's all before my time. Nobody smoked pot. We didn't even know what it was. Cigarettes were the worst we did and no one was really to upset about it at the time---They were still being Advertised as GOOD for you, by Doctors and Movie Stars. TRULY!

Never having had children---I haven't gone through this----Went through a lot of Alcholic Behavior...not my own but with other people. EVERYONE ended up in AA!
It's got to be very very hard many drugs, the least of which is pot.

CraveCute said...

Thanks for the chuckle and thanks for your kind words on my blog.
~ Diane