Monday, October 21, 2013

Comedy, how to get free valet parking, and why I want to spit in a cup.

Now if that headline doesn't grab you, I don't know what will.

So first off - the hotel where we had our event accidentally didn't comp a couple of people for valet parking. Mr. RK, being mellow, paid and let me bug them later to get the $32 (!!!) charge reversed.

My employee had a better approach, I found out today. She said, "You can comp me, or I can go get RK. And she is already irritated!" Guess what? They comped her.

Today I found out that my family tree is more like a fucking grapevine. You know how I thought we were seven different ethnicities? Well guess what! My great aunt, who was told their family was 100% German, did the spit-in-a-cup DNA test and - voila! - she isn't German at all.

She (we) have roots inScandinavia (Norway, Sweden), Western Europe(Netherlands, France, Bay of Biscay), Eastern Europe  (Romania, Poland ),  the Iberian Peninsula, Great Britain and Ireland.

That blew me away! So I wonder if my grandmother died thinking she was 100% German, or someone, somewhere, just made it up. 

This, in addition to what we know (or don't know??) from my grandfather's side and my mother's family.

So I immediately ordered the DNA kit. I can't wait to find out what's in my spit. I do know this: that instead of coming from seven different places, we come from more than a dozen. Shazam! People hopped the fence everywhere. I'm hoping to find something really unexpected and freak out my biological mother's side of the family, who is also convinced they're 100% European, even though not everyone looks that way.

My dad said, "Won't take much really. Tell them you're having an affair with a Black Muslim who is actually an athiest." (I'm secretly hoping to find this in my spit test. I'll keep you posted!)

Finally, I leave you with this standup comedy video from my brother N. (Warning: NSFW.) But fucking hilarious. Dude, you have balls!


17 comments:

OldLady Of The Hills said...

i'm afraid I had a hard time hearing the video---but, it sounded like people were really enjoying the routine...!

I'd love to have my DNA tested....that is a GREAT thing to do! It will be very interesting to hear about your results. I've heard before that people often find out surprising things....!

Elephant's Child said...

Your brother is a hoot. And the DNA test is an awesome thing. Let us know. Please.

Granny Annie said...

Well I managed to open the video but could not see looking at him for 7.50 minutes while I tried to understand what he was saying. I hate to miss something you think is funny but had to pass this time.

My DNA results = 80% European, 16% Native American, 4% Sub-Saharan African.

Lee said...

It just proves that sex isn't new...it's been around for a long time!

And, by the way, that great-aunt of yours sure did have sex in lots of different countries!

"Root" probably has a different meaning here in the Land of Oz than it does up your way, RK! ;)

Rock Chef said...

Your brother is very funny!

Must be nice when people can use your name as a threat!

Now wondering when you will find your relative from Kent :-)

Charles Gramlich said...

Nice that your mere name is a threat! Also funny stuff in the comedy.

Cheryl said...

You must be a real "person to be reckoned with" if the mention of your name gets immediate results.

As for the DNA test...I can hardly wait to hear what you find. I laughed when your dad made the comment which included atheist. Gosh if religion was detectable in a spit test we would quickly figure out who all the hypocrites are.

Funny video. I especially loved the line about jeans getting so thin they could blow away. I just had to throw a pair of favorite jeans away because of that. Of course, I scoped out all of Kansas City looking for a replacement in that style and brand.

Dexter Klemperer said...

You must have some real "juice" if someone can drop your name like that! Trying to figure out the spit DNA test: "Hmmm, let's see you had traces of pasta, wine, hamburger, Scotch, and chocolate in your spit. Guess you're Italian/French/American/Scotch/Swiss but yes, mostly American.

LL Cool Joe said...

Your brother seems a funny guy. :)

I hope your spit turns out to be very revealing. :)

Abby said...

There's a spit-in-a-cup DNA test?
I just watched a documentary that mentioned the huge number of people that are descendants of Ghengis Kahn. (whatta guy). Now I want to be one too!

Let us know what the spit reveals!

Lynn said...

Was it the 23andme test? I'm thinking I'll do that, too. I want to see what percentage likelihood I'll develope Alzheimers.

I'll watch your bro's video at home. I'm having such a busy week, I've not gotten on the computer much at home the last few days.

CraveCute said...

Oh RK I can't wait to find out what your spit reveals! I love looking back into my ancestors lives, so interesting. You are lucky to have a funny brother!

G. B. Miller said...

The amazing Mr. N should not give up his day job. :D

Seriously though, he is funny.

DWei said...

I'm all Chinese I'm afraid, kind of boring. :(

Ileana said...

I couldn't hear much of the routine but the beginning was funny. As for that kit, I'd love to get my own spit-in-a-cup tests and pass it to both sides of my family at the next reunion. Wouldn't that be fun?

PS - Curious to know your results, too! Maybe you're actually Cuban, chica! lol

A Beer For The Shower said...

I didn't know they had spit tests that can tell you your true ethnicity. I may have to try that one day.

Also, that's a great routine. Bravo to any man who can use the term "skull fucked" in a stand up bit.

Birdie said...

I have thought about doing the DNA thing but thought it would be expensive. I really should just go ahead and do it. Being related to Genghis Kahn would explain why I am usually in a bad mood.