Don't ask me why, but when it gets above 90 degrees, I turn into a witch. I don't know if this is due to the fact that my body doesn't process heat very well (I'm usually cold, and when it's hot, I just overheat), or because I can just be a superbitch on occasion. Please keep your opinions to yourself!
So I haven't had a good rant here in awhile, and today's the day! OK, really, I would like to know if any of the following would irritate you, or otherwise cause you to spontaneously fry your hands and eat them:
1. Someone who doesn't understand something, rather than finding a solution and moving on, or asking for help, keeps repeating the situation to you. And when you say you understand, and make a suggestion, they ignore you and say, "What I'm trying to say IS..." and repeat themselves again.
What I said: "I understand, and I'm suggesting XYZ."
What I wanted to say: "I fucking get it! You repeating yourself over and over again doesn't change the fact that this is a stupid conversation and you don't know how to follow instructions!"
What I said: "Just go ahead and dial the extension if that works."
What I wanted to say: "Bloody hell! Am I your babysitter? You're in college. You've been married, owned a house, and have raised children. Don't waste my time on this shit and tell me there's a ghost in the machine!"
Captain Subtext threatened to take over at any moment. Bonus points if you get that reference.
3. The phone, and a few odd calls, being attributed to the "lasting effects" of Sunday's full moon. Same person, at least once a day, prefaces a sentence with, "I don't know how spiritual you are, but..." and then proceeds to go off on tangents that, IMHO, have nothing spiritual about them.
What I said: "Hmm."
What I wanted to say: "You could use a good dose of shut the fuck up!"
4. This person asking for help, getting instructions, and then saying, "Well, I'm not sure that's going to help," and starting to search for something completely unrelated.
What I said: "I have experience with XYZ, and that will help."
What I wanted to say: "Are you fucking serious? You have no experience in this area, so you ask for help, and then you decide you know better? What the fuck!"
5. This person not shutting up all week.
Is it me? I try to be patient. Outwardly, I was patient. Internally, I was cursing her a blue streak.
Which reminds me, my friend K. got me this fantastic gift, which I am sending to a couple of people who are going through tough times. Is this a gift that would make you laugh? Or should I have sent a fruitcake?