Sunday, June 09, 2013

About that time with the sheep...

Like many of you (I hope), I am not surprised, but mad as hell that this administration, in a move undistinguished from the last one, feels the need to spy on tens of millions of us.

Don't tell me this is to prevent terrorism. Tens of millions of peoples' calls need to be monitored? Really? Tens of millions of us are a threat?

This is so fucking big brother it's right out of an unwritten Orwellian novel.

Anyhow, like so many other things, I can't fix it, so I have to come up with something funny.
So although my first thought on reading about this program (the existence of which was previously denied) was, "What the fuck!" my second one was, "I need to start coming up with some really appalling and weird stuff in case my calls are ever, say, recorded."

Say, about the time with the sheep...or my strange new fetish involving jelly beans and toe-sucking (OK not really), perhaps.

Do you have any suggestions? Just so we give them a good time.

If they don't actually record the conversations, maybe I'll have to seek out some esoteric phone numbers to appear on the records. I have tons of unused minutes at the end of every billing cycle. The human/sea urchin love society? The joy of befriending fire ants? How to create condoms from Dum-dum wrappers?

Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go call my new best friends. Let me know if you have other ideas too!


The Blue Grumpster said...

Anyone who spies on me had better not tell me about it. Do you know what I mean?

Kathleen said...

My thoughts exactly. If you can't prevent things like the bombing of the Boston marathon from happening, what is the point of all of this surveillance anyway? And the thing that gets me the most about that is that they KNEW about those brothers, had been warned by the KGB and still were unable to stop it.

VERY 1984.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

And the catching of those two brothers would not have happened without the Public's help!!!! a way, no one is doing their jobs right!!! OY VEY! I do not understand all this spying on--as you said--tens of millions. To what f***ing end????? HELP!!!!!

I think you have come up with GREAT ideas....I need to give this some thought, but I don't think I could top what you already thought!

Lee said...

They wouldn't get much from my telephone conversations. They probably wouldn't understand them anyway...usually my calls are with close friends and our senses of humour (read insanity) rule...and it would confuse anyone eavesdropping...they'd just give up!

I did tell one of those nuisance call centre calls that originate from India or similar one day when some accented voiced asked for me by name...I told them - "I'm sorry, but she died yesterday! So could you please leave me alone, I'm grieving!" Silence reigned and I didn't receive another call from those areas for ages!

Now when I get those calls I just tell them to fuck stop invading my privacy, because I don't invade theirs! If Big Brother wants to hear that from me...I'm willing to oblige! ;)

Elephant's Child said...

I love your suggestions. I suspect that anyone listening to my calls would be bored into a coma - unless they decided that no-one could be that boring (I am) and started trying to establish what code I was using.

Rock Chef said...

Our government is having to do some smoothe talking too, as they seem to have been sharing some of your data...

Mind you, this does not either surprise or bother me to be honest. I have believed that it was being done for years anyway!

wigsf3 said...

Meet the new boss! Same as the old boss!

If I were you, I would make a bunch of phone calls in which I detailed a desire to construct a Flintstones phonograph including using a bird as the stylus.

A Beer For The Shower said...

I think it'd be funny to try out weird phrases too, up until I got arrested. Like very awkwardly calling everything "the BOMB." Or saying, "Yeah, that's gonna blow up BIG!"

Charles Gramlich said...

Once government is given any power, as with the Patriot act, they WILL exercise it and we usually won't like it.

Wiwille said...

I can't imagine how much manpower would be involved just to search through all that data. I mean sure, you can automate some processes, but it takes a human to listen to it. It's very disturbing.

Cheryl said...

I am thankful my phone calls aren't all that interesting but I am not at all excited about the possibility that someone would be looking at my Internet usage. I Google the oddest things for my blog.

I am trying not to give this Big Brotherism much thought as there isn't a damn thing I can do about it...other than be disappointing in the direction we are heading as a culture.

Granny Annie said...

Big Brother has been watching us since Heck was a pup. I had a bank customer in 1967 whose husband of 43 years died and when she filed for his social security benefits she learned he has been married for a few days 45 years before. That wife whom he had failed to divorce, had filed for his social security benefits and created quite an investigative mess and the FBI produced a file on my customer that was 3 to 4 inches thick on her life including meaningless details like a trip to a Dallas airport, etc., etc. This was before internet files. I'm talking paper documents. Remember J. Edgar Hoover? We've always been watched by our government just wish they were watching the bad guys.

Riot Kitty said...

Blue: Yep.
Kathleen: Exactly. All that spying, and still so much incompetence.
Naomi: To what fucking end is right. And I'd love to see what you come up with!
Lee: I love it!
EC: You seem anything but boring to me.
RC: Unfortunately, I think you're right...I bet you could come up with a great list!
WIGSF: That is a great idea.
ABFTS: That would probably have gotten us arrested during the previous administration.
CG: So right. So unfortunate.
Wiwille: I know! How much fucking money are we spending on it?
C: I wonder if we've always been there, honestly.
GA: Good Lord! And good point.

lgsquirrel said...

I suspect they have you on their watch list - I mean, what kind of kitty promotes riots and shoots off automatic weapons and sets off atomic bombs as seen in your photo for "about me"?

LL Cool Joe said...

When my partner worked for a large television company here in the UK we found out our house was probably bugged and they were hacking into our computers too.

They must have been so disappointed to find nothing.

Riot Kitty said...

LG: Probably!
Joey: That is both scary and disgusting at the same time.

Lynn said...

I think it started with the Bush administration. Or so I heard on the news - not that that makes it any better, but I didn't like him. :)

Birdie said...

Big Brother is indeed watching. :-(

Riot Kitty said...

Lynn: I hated every minute of that administration, which is why I'm so disappointed that this one would continue with the spying.
Birdie: And it just makes me mad.