Friday, November 23, 2012

Things I have learned from watching BBC murder mysteries, part 2

Especially if you're in a small village...

1. There are adulterers and swingers everywhere.

2. Despite the fact that there are many break-ins and burglaries, everyone's door is either open, easy to break open, or has a spare key in a conspicuous location nearby.

3. Everyone has buckets and buckets of booze around the house.

4. For a country so obsessed with gun control, everyone in the village seems to have a pistol or shotgun.

5. Every third person seems to have an illegitimate child, bringing to mind the fact that...

6. No one seems to know about contraception.

7. Archery - and death by bow and arrow - seems common. Why so many bows and arrows? Do they all fancy themselves Robinhood?

8. There's an obsession with showing actual caskets going into the ground, even after we're shown the bodies time and time again, as if to say, "See? There's been a death! Really!"

9. Men are shown "full backal" (brownie points if you get that reference) 10 times more than women are. And the asses are not that great.

10. No matter how many episodes have multiple murders, burglaries, affairs, and illegitimate children, the characters always say, "But it's always been such a quiet village until now."

Obviously, living in the country makes you nuts.

16 comments:

Granny Annie said...

Yes it is interesting living in the country. Thankfully we don't see a lot of "full backal" from neighbors, not to disclose anything about the privacy of our own home:)

Granny Annie said...

P.S. Have I told you lately that you are HYSTERICAL?

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Yes, all those charming little English villages appear to be hotbeds of sex and violence. And of ass flaunting.

Anil P said...

The last one was apt, and funny :-)

No matter how many episodes have multiple murders, burglaries, affairs, and illegitimate children, the characters always say, "But it's always been such a quiet village until now."

Lynn said...

I'm missing so much by only watching Downton Abbey. :)

Claire said...

Harking from the British countryside myself,I can confirm it definitely makes you nuts ;)

Riot Kitty said...

GA: Thanks! And glad you are not dealing with full backal ;)
D: Exacfly.
Anil: Thanks!
L: Yep. Do Netflix!
C: See? I knew I was onto something.

Ileana said...

Ha! Never heard of full backal, but it makes sense to me...not that I like it.

Btw, you should write for TV, amiga...I wouldn't miss an episode.

Rock Chef said...

In fact, most of these things are true in small English towns and villages...

As for the backalls, this is England, not Hollywood - expect saggy bottoms! :-)

A Beer for the Shower said...

This sounds a lot like suburbia, minus the bows and arrows. I love it. As an American BBC-phile, I understand this all too well.

Riot Kitty said...

Ily: My dad saw this post and wrote that Kevin Costner was the "king of full backal..." Which wouldn't be bad back in the Field of Dreams days, but not sure it would be something I'd want to see now ;)
RC: Heh! I'm sure there are bottoms I'd rather see in these series, but they're never the ones we see ad infinitum.
ABFTS: Good point! I am a total Anglophile, BBC especially.

LL Cool Joe said...

I've never seen a bare arse in a BBC murder mystery!!

Btw I live in a small village. ;)

G. B. Miller said...

Hey Mrs. R.K.!

Just wanted stop by and apologize, as I had a severe brain cramp and accidently deleted your wonderful comment on my blog post today.

I managed to answer it, because I had so thoroughly enjoyed everyone's answer I managed to memorize the basic outline of everyone's comment while I was reading.

Workingdan said...

If the asses aren't that great maybe they could include my ass in the lineup! I have no problem showing my ass and you seem to look without complaint! lol

Riot Kitty said...

Joey: So I have to ask, is your village like the ones on BBC? :)
GB: Hey, I never knew red pepper flakes could be so interesting ;)
Dan: Well well! Trust me, yours is much better than any I've seen in this series.

G. B. Miller said...

Tru dat. :D