Sometimes I take my friend's teenage sons out on the town (no, not really, just usually to lunch or the mall. I hate the mall, I only take them because they enjoy it and they don't drive yet.) I call them Thing 1 and Thing 2. They are about the same age as one of my little brothers and I told them I am adopting them as such. They seem fine with this.
Today, the Things and I went to Mexican food and Thing 1 started grilling me about why I am a vegetarian. (Thing 2 told him, "She can eat whatever she wants!" but I don't mind answering questions.)
I told them I don't eat anything that used to have a face. So questions came around to eggs.
This is a squishy bit where I am probably a bit of a hypocrite. Ideally, I'd like to not eat any animal products at all (mind you, I don't police other people about what they eat, have your bacon cheeseburger anytime), but I love cheese enchiladas and I love omelettes. Now, I don't want to eat anything that theoretically *could* become a chicken, so I eat unfertilized eggs.
Try explaining this to a 16-year-old who is stuffing his face with chips.
Thing 1: "What's the difference between a fertilized egg and an unfertilized egg? Don't they taste the same?"
Me: "Hens will lay eggs no matter what. The fertilized ones are ones from when the hen has fun with the rooster."
At this point our waiter, whose family owns the restaurant and whom my friends and I know pretty well, bursts out laughing.
"The hen has fun with the rooster?" he asked.
"I have to do the PG rated version," I said.
I shouldn't have bothered. After hearing about some of the things they had seen on YouTube, I felt REALLY old and out of it.
"Don't you have parental controls?" I naively asked.
"NO!" they said, adding, "The internet is a really scary place sometimes!"
If that wasn't enough to make me feel old, I had to confiscate the green sucker (the restaurant always gives you suckers with the check) at the end so they wouldn't fight over it.
Yes, I am at the age where teenagers can't question my authority. Scary shit. I'm going to go do something really immature now so I don't feel my age.