...when your wisdom teeth leave this world. (Nellie Vaughn, this is for you.)
Now mind you, my dentist is awesome. Not only did she and her assistant make sure I was super numb and comfortable, but they told me how well I did. I felt like I was in kindergarten, gold star for me!
A bit of shameless self-congrats here: the teeth were loose, but I only had numbing. No sedation, no nitrus, and haven't taken any of the prescribed Vicodin. I am a fucking rock star.
Anyhow, my dentist was very good about going over things and then gave me a piece of paper with all of those things printed on it so I did not have to scribble. However, here are a few things that you might want to know about if you happen to have this surgery done in the future, that will not be anticipated for you by any dental professional.
1. Drinking will be a challenge at first. Read: you will get water all over your face, and you will slurp. That's right! Normally elegant, graceful you will need to hydrate yourself, but the numbing from your procedure will in fact take HOURS to wear off. Hence, be prepared to be not so graceful.
2. You will look like a vampire. You may be told that the places your teeth used to live are "forming blood clots" during the first 24 hours and "you may bleed a little." Translation: little drops of blood will make their way to your face, right near your lips. It looks like you got hungry and maybe attacked a farm animal on the way home.
4. There are, unfortunately, some people will not give a flying fuck that you are basically under ibuprofen sedation/tired as fucking hell from having teeth yanked out of your mouth. These people will text you the day after your afternoon surgery, not to ask how you are doing, but to ask if you are at work and when you are going to proofread something for them, or to see if you are coming to the volunteer meeting the next night. Your answer: FUCK NO!
Then your good friend will come over with chocolate-covered walnuts. Then you will start craving popcorn. You'll be surprised that you have not cried yet because you can't have these things.
So know you know what to expect that is not in the postsurgery fine print.
You're welcome ;)