Friday, November 18, 2011

Did *you* pick up 2,000 condoms for work yesterday?


That would be a pretty fun question for a meme, wouldn't it?

Once again, my work is partnering with several other nonprofits to put together gift bags to distribute to shelters. They have toiletries, a warm item of clothing, and small gifts (like a journal or deck of cards.) And they also have - surprise! - condoms.

As if it wasn't hard enough not having a permanent place to live, homeless individuals also have among the highest rates of STDs...hence the donation of condoms from the county health department.

So even though we are all supposed to be professionals (or at least look like them), none of us have been able to stop laughing about this.

Cue to my entrance at the health department.

Health department worker: "So! We have a mix of condoms - lube, non-lube, tuxedos, and skins."
Me (looking like a deer in the headlights): "Um. I've been married forever. What are tuxedos?"
Health department worker: "Black ones."
Me: "And skins?"
Health department worker: "Those are the thin ones that aren't made of latex, because some people have allergies."

OH, baby. Can you think of a more terrible way to find out you have a latex allergy? (If you can, don't tell me.)

And lastly:

Health department worker: "By the way, they're all standard size."

What, exactly, am I supposed to do with that information? Is anyone going to go to the shelter managers and demand an exchange because they are too big or too small? I can just imagine the conversations...actually, my blog buddies at A Beer for the Shower could do a hilarious cartoon about that conversation!

I got back to work and told my boss that I never thought I'd have 2,000 condoms in my trunk for work.

His reply: "Oh, SURE, they're for work!"

Last year it was even funnier - they had my colleague's name on the boxes, which were deposited in the lobby of her building during a training. Where everyone saw them when the training was over.

What is the strangest or funniest thing you have had to do for work?

And no, the LOLcat has nothing to do with this post. I just liked it.


LL Cool Joe said...

Our church do gift boxes too, I can't see them adding condoms to the parcels some how!! Mind you they are going to young kids ....

Lynn said...

I went to a Concrete Blonde concert several years ago and when we were walking in, Planned Parenthood was giving away handfuls of condoms. I them the handful of multicolored condoms in my purse, where they settled to the bottom. I was looking for something in the nether regions of my purse one day at work and finally dumped its contents onto my desk. One of the artists was standing there talking to me, when a big smile spread across his face. I think you can imagine what he spotted. :)

Lynn said...

I *threw* the handful... Should have read before posting. :)

Claire said...

I *love* your work stories!


G said...

Shortly after I'd transferred to my current job I began complaining about the crayola crayon writing that was being put forth by supervisors and employees on their timesheets (trust me, reading doctor scribbles was easier than this).

So my supervisor told me to hold a meeting with everyone about it.

After I had to make scores of copies of various timesheets, I wound up in a meeting with 30 other people at my facility (the asst. superintendent made it mandatory), and spent about an hour explaining how to properly fill out a timesheet.

Still got problems 6 years later, but at least they're not using crayola crayon to fill them out.

Granny Annie said...

We had a huge bronze statue in a fountain directly in front of the door at the bank. One day a woman with three small children entered the bank with screaming and crying from the infant in her arms and squabbling from two toddlers. One child immediately ran to the statue, leaned over and spewed spaghetti o's everywhere. We had no janitorial staff on the premises, therefore as the branch manager I got to handle the clean up only after attempting to designate the job, receiving "I'll quit first" as a reply. The mom wasn't even our customer. Only came in for change and did not apologize or offer to help clean up. The statue looked like a Christmas tree decorated with a colorful kids lunch.

Give me a trunk full of condoms any day:)

Anonymous said...

Have a friend with latex allergies. Do you have any ideas how many restaurants this person has to avoid because the kitchens wear latex gloves?

And here's the kicker. This friend's best friend is a vegetarian who has a psychosymatic reaction to eating food that's come in contact with meat/meat juices. Literally, there's only one restaurant in town these two can eat at together.

Scarlet said...

Wow, you have me beat hands down with this one, chica! Tuxedo condoms?? Really?? You learn something new every day. (Not that I knew what skins were either...I'm so off the market, I don't think you were born the last time I used a condom!)

For a Dolphins fan club bbq a member (a very old man) insisted I was the girl on his calendar...even asked me to sign his Dolphins cheerleader calendar...which I did! lol Crazy, huh?

Riot Kitty said...

Love the stories...but GA, you win. EEEEWWW. What a horrible person.

Darth Weasel said...

at least he did not ask if they were left over from your sideline...err...night time job. Or would that be Mr Riot Kitty's? :-)

Riot Kitty said...

Darth: I totally set myself up for a joke like that, actually...I texted a friend and said, "I have 2,000 condoms in the trunk for work!" This friend is involved with my work. He texted back, "What job is that?"

Logical Libby said...

Aren't all of them the same size? I always thought the "magnums" were just an advertising ploy. After all, they stretch...

And thanks for explaining tuxedos. I was picturing cocks in formal wear.

Riot Kitty said...

L: Bwahahaha! And no, they're not all the same size. Trust me.

Green Tea said...

My church is collecting gifts for Christmas, wonder what they would do if they found a box of condoms..
Hmm Maybe I'll have to see :0

Riot Kitty said...

GT: Hahaha! I double dog dare you.

A Beer for the Shower said...

Oh man, trust me, the "Magnum" debacle is not something you want to see replayed in comics format. I think we might actually get banned from Blogger for that one:) Thanks for the shout-out, though!

John McElveen said...

We have CONDIMENTS at Thanksgiving Dinner! I think I'll pick up a few! You could stuff them with leftovers to take home!. Just Pop the in the Microwave!

Great to see you again my friend. I hope they don't get a Trojan Horse virus!


Riot Kitty said...

John: Haha! Welcome back!

Riot Kitty said...

ABFTS: But that would be soooooooooo funny!