Saturday, April 16, 2011

What does guacamole mean to you?

That was a real question I overheard this jackass of a guy in line at Chipotle ask the staff tonight.

My bro and I went there, and though there was only one guy in front of us, it was taking forever.

Why? Because he was micromanaging every step of the line for his burrito.

He made the staff slam his containers of guacamole on the counter to "get out the air pockets." He corrected them continuously. "Nope, still a HUGE air pocket!"

Then after the slamming, a container of guacamole broke. "Ooooh, you broke it!"

He bent over a wrapped burrito to inspect it.

I wish this was fiction. I could hardly believe what we were seeing and for a minute I just stared at the guy. Who, by the way, came on a bike with that snorkle-dicky mirror attached to his glasses.

You know me - I always root for the underdog. One of my pet peeves - and I was just discussing this in the morning with a friend who works in a cafe - is when people are abusive to workers in service industries (e.g. baristas, restaurant workers, etc.) It's like they're being pricks just because they can, to the people who work in some of the hardest jobs for the lowest pay.

So after the last air pocket comment, he says to the cashier in a super condescending voice, "I assume you know what guacamole is."

She said, "Yes."

He said, "What does guacamole mean to you?"

At that point I had had it.

I asked him, "Don't you have anything else to do with your free time?"

The guy looked absolutely bewildered. "I'm sorry if you found my behavior offensive," he said.

I wanted to say, "I didn't know you knew that many words!"

But instead, I said, "It's not offensive to me. It's offensive that you are so rude to all of these people working here, and they can't say anything back because you're the customer."

He looked really embarrassed - the kind of tail-between-the-legs look - and he slunk out.

Then three employees thanked me.

The cashier said, "He comes in once a week and he expects us to memorize his order. But then he changed it."

Hopefully he'll leave those air pockets alone for awhile.


LL Cool Joe said...

Ha ha, well said! Maybe he'll think twice before he's so damn rude again!

Senorita said...

What an absolute cocknozzle/pantywaste. Kudos to you for speaking up !

Lynn said...

I'm so glad you spoke up - good for you!!! I was thinking the manager could ask him not to come back, but I'm afraid they see this kind of behavior all too often.

I had a printing client who had just moved to Atlanta from the west coast and she turned out to be an awful nightmare - her files were a mess and our artist had to do a lot of work to make them print ready. She was extremely high maintenance and snippy. And then she didn't want to pay for the extra work we did and blamed it on us - so we directed her to find another printer next time. :)

G said...


You that is, not the prick doing all the crap for a measley burrito.

You all know who I work for, so magnify that jerk's behavior by a factor of 50 and you'll get a basic idea as to why I've had it up to the tallest commenter on this blog with all the self-righteous namby-pamby pablum puking sub-moronic yahoos who try to tell me how to do my job and throw hissy fits when they hear the word "no" spoken in their tarnished presence.

On a lighter note, I often see this type of behavior at my local branch at the post office, and there has been times where I've spoken up to correct some genius on his lack of intelligent verbiage that they spew at the postal clerk.

Claire said...

Good for you, girl!

That guy sounds like a douche. At least we can comfort ourselves with the thoughts that if he's like that at every restaurant he goes to, I doubt gauc with air bubbles is the worst thing he's going to find in his food...


ileana said...

Chica, you rock! I love that you spoke up for these people. I would've wanted to throw the guacamole in his face!

Riot Kitty said...

J: I hope so!
S: Now I wish I had called him a cocknozzle...
L: We had clients like that when I worked for a publishing company...but my boss was to cheap to tell them to go elsewhere. We all wished he would have!
G: I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of that. No wonder you are nice enough to stick up for the people at the post office.
C: Bwahahaha! I didn't even think about that...but I do believe in karma. And people being instruments thereof.
I: I wish I would have thought of that! Next time ;)

John McElveen said...

RK--What Cajones!!!!! WTG!!!

I hope he got diarrhea---there is no need to ever be condescending to anyone- except on a Blog!


LOL-- Word ver- is Bugglyc!!!! And I hope they pit one UP his Guacahole!

John McElveen said...

SENORITA__ Cocknozzle!@ AWESOME O Love that NEW word!!!! New to me!


wigsf3 said...

The world needs more people like you and fewer people like Bicycle "Airpockets" McDouchebag.

Darth Weasel said...

good for you. and dead on. sometimes it seems like the better service people receive the worse they behave.

common courtesy costs not a nickel. but it does make the world a better place.

Logical Libby said...

People who are rude to people in the service industry have a special place in hell -- working at the bar.

Holland said...

And I think you did the absolute right thing. Why some people are so deadly rude to people working in the service industry or even in shops is beyond me.

Riot Kitty said...

John: Bwahaha! Guachole is my new favorite addition to cocknozzle.
WIFSF: Thanks - and I love his new name!
Darth: I wish I had thought of your zinger from a few years ago: "You, sir, are a jackass."
L: Perfect!
H: I have no idea. Probably he had a dick the size of a peanut, and it did not work. That's my best guess.

Aliceson said...

Reminds me of my boss. What a giant pain in the ass!

A Beer for the Shower said...

I've seen a few of these assholes before. I don't know why, probably because I stand in an inordinate amount of lines. But I never pass up an opportunity to call them out on either their pompous dickheadedness or employee harrassment. I'd have liked to see his head shoved into a vat of guac and watch him struggle to find an air pocket.

Riot Kitty said...

A: Oh, I feel for you.
ABFTS: I love the vat of guac idea.

Cake Betch said...

Wow. What a huge.effing.prick. Good for you for sticking up for them! Jesus am I glad I don't work a service job anymore. That will wear your ass down so quickly, especially when you have a low bullshit tolerance.