Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Things I have learned recently...

Photo of Lucky by Mr. RK

1. Men's Health magazine is like Cosmo for boys. Every other article is, "What she REALLY likes in bed..." Tip for the uninitiated: just ask!

2. Any day that starts with your hairdryer nearly catching on fire is not going to be a good day.

3. It is impossible to try and stop laughing if your boss rips a hole in the ass of his pants and then says to the staff, "No one look!"

4. Nothing travels faster than smell after your cat has been to the litter box.

5. Even if you require an RSVP for an event that has food, people will still ask you, "Do I need to RSVP?" No, we'll just guess and hope for the best with the caterer.

6. Honey badgers are vicious creatures that go straight for the testicles. Really. It's true.

7. No matter how many weird phone calls we get at work, there will always be a stranger one. A voicemail left Sunday night: "My sister has schizophrenia and she stole someone's dog. Should I call the police?" Um. What exactly would you like us to do?

8. If there are two exits in a restaurant, people will leave by the one I'm sitting at - even if it's below freezing and an artic blast comes in. And even after I say, "Hey! There's a front door, too!"

9. If your husband wakes up early on a weekend day, it's because one of your cats put his tail up his nose.

10. If you are hungry and desperate enough, you CAN finish the large size popcorn at the movie theater.*

How about you? What have you learned recently? I am ready to be enlightened.

*With help from a friend.


Lulú said...

Good ones, my friend! :) I've learned that saying yes to a shot of espresso at 2 pm makes me "Sleepless in Miami" at 2 am. I barely got any sleep last night. :-/

Lynn said...

There are great.

I've learned to stay on the good side of my family - so much drama can be avoided. :)

Anonymous said...

I've recently learned that Men's Health magazine lies.
Only read it once, and this was a couple of days ago.
The article was about how to get abs like the one's pointed to in the picture. There was even an arrow pointing to some guy's abs. I looked closely at the abs. The photo was very obviously touched up before going to print.
No where in the article did it say "Photoshop your abs." It said things like do certain exercises and eat this and do that. But to get computer generated muscles, one needs to use a computer at some point.

Gotta say, I did not see one article about "What she likes..."
And I also gotta say, she doesn't tell me what she likes. I have to guess. I've asked. She doesn't answer.

LL Cool Joe said...

I've learned that however hard I try to look like the guy on the front of the Mens Health magazine, it's never gonna happen.

Boonie S said...

I’ve learned that telling a biker half my age and twice my size that he’s a pussy is bad for my dental health.

Have a nice day, Boonie

Mama Zen said...

I've been snowed in with two sick people for so many days that I've lost count. I've learned that there really is a last nerve.

Riot Kitty said...

Lu: Wow...I wish I could make my caffeine last that long.
Lynn: Good lesson.
WIGSF: Really? She doesn't? Wow. that sucks. Good point about photoshopping ;)
Joe: I hope not, because they usually look digitally altered.
Boonie: LOL!
MZ: Wow, that sucks. Yes, there really is! I've been there too.

G said...

I've learned over the years that one should never volunteer when they work for the guv'ment. It's much better to get volunteered.

I've also learned that in some circumstances, 1+1=3.

Darth Weasel said...

I have learned that I have not learned anything yet...

Riot Kitty said...

G: The last true!
D: That's learning something! I know, I would like a spanking...

Sidhe said...

I've learned that my attention span is approximately 40 minutes long and I really wish that my professors had a clearer understanding of that.

John McElveen said...

AWESOME--Number 4- disobeys all the laws of Physics and is so true!


Lovin' it!!

Great stuff funny lady!


Jism John

Riot Kitty said...

John: You crack me up!! You didn't like the captions? :)

John McElveen said...

I LOVED THEM!!! They are probably the weiner---uh WINNERS!!

I'm still laughing!!!!!!