Sunday, February 20, 2011

Thank God for that


Sometimes life imitates art, and sometimes art imitates life, and sometimes something so strange and fucked up happens that you just have to write about it.

I am reading the Sherlock Holmes novels and short stories for the first time. Last night, I was about halfway through a story when the tired stick hit me and I went to sleep.

At this point in the post I should mention, lest anyone get confused later, that I have an ex who turned out to be a liar and a thief - let's call him Ned (not his real name of course. Who the hell is named Ned these days?)

So in this Sherlock Holmes story, there is a gang of father/son criminals who are called the "Ned Burglars." (OK, not really, but they have the same name as the ex.) I thought that was hilarious until I went to sleep and had a dream that not only was I still in contact with Ned (we broke up more than seven years ago), but we had gotten married, he had stolen stuff from me and stuff from my dad, and was threatening to drag out a divorce for a year.

Never have I been so grateful to wake up next to Mr. RK!

And I was thinking later in the day that I take it for granted that Mr. RK won't be dishonest or hide things from me (except for a birthday present or two.)

And thank God for that.

Plus, Ned had a small penis.

23 comments:

Granny Annie said...

Oh, poor Ned:( Did you mean to leave us all feeling sorry for Ned? LOL

G said...

Pretty bizarre dreams you got there young lady.

Lynn said...

What a wild dream! Mercy. :)

Mike_D said...

Classy.

As if we didn't hate Ned enough, that's the final straw..

:)

Mama Zen said...

What a horrible dream!

Riot Kitty said...

GA: Nope. Ned deserves no sympathy!
G: Seriously, I could do without them.
L: Ned deserves no mercy.
Mike: Bwahahahaha!
MZ: Yes, it was!

Lulú said...

HA! I would've titled this post, "Ned With the Small Penis!" :D

Darth Weasel said...

I have the answer for you. Who has the name Ned?

Ned does.


Glad I could clear that up.

John McElveen said...

"and sometimes something so strange and fucked up happens that you just have to write about it."

OMG--LMAO!!!! and why are you calling me Ned??? Little "D" is still good!

Hugs,

John

PS: Honesty is so awesome--you don't have to expend all that energy keeping up with the lies!

John McElveen said...

PS: I have come to revenge the death of my Father, "Do you have six fingers?"Loved that Movie!!!

Butterflyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Sidhe said...

Narf!

:0

Glad you found the Mr. and escaped the Ned!

Riot Kitty said...

L: I wish I would have ;)
Darth: Would you like a spanking? :)
John: Bwahahaha!
S: Yep, me too.

Holland said...

You do know why Ned has a small penis? It is called the Reversed Pinnochio Syndrome (aka RPS).
The more Ned lies, the smaller his penis becomes...

Riot Kitty said...

H: I love it! That must be why. It did seem to shrink over time.

Phil said...

Apparently part of your subconscious hasn't quite stopped jonesing for Ned. Maybe you were into that small weiner of his...

Riot Kitty said...

Phil: Not really, as my life is incomplete without thieves, liars and small dicks...but are you offering yourself as a substitute? :)

Claire said...

The last line almost made my tea meet my keyboard.

Nice.

Cxx

G said...

Phil, I think you just got pawned.

Riot Kitty said...

Claire: Hahaha!
G: Yep, he did.

Talha said...

wow wow that was a wild dream!!!

Riot Kitty said...

T: Yeah, more like a nightmare.

Green Tea said...

I thought I was the only one who had dreams about small penises :)

LL Cool Joe said...

How the hell did I miss this small penis post?