Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Older = crankier, weirder

I have this theory that as people age, they either get 1) crankier or 2) stranger, and when they are old, they're able to get away with both.

When I was a kid and some older person was being a particular jerk, my dad always told me, "Ignore them, they're old."

At some point in high school, I told him, "I bet they were always that rude - but now people let it go because they're a senior!"

So I'm in line today getting coffee and this guy walks up and says, "Hey, do you think they have coffee here?"

I just smiled and then he said, "Did Santa visit your house for Christmas?"


So I figured he was old and lonely and said, "Yes, did he visit you?"

He replied, "Yes, but I didn't deserve it!"

Me: "Why, were you naughty?"
Him (Grinning): "Yes, I was!"

And that was it. Granted, I realized later if he had been 30 or 40, I would have probably stomped on his foot and walked away, rather than having the conversation.

I told Mr. RK about it and he said, "I can't wait until I'm old so I can act even more weird than I do now!"

When I'm old, I'm going to say "fuck" even more than I do now.

How about you?


Robert Tres said...


Lynn said...

What a great exchange with that man. :) Love it. I have noticed that the elderly do love to engage people in line - happens to me all the time. And I like to talk to them.

G said...

I notice that when I get older, my conversations have a tendency to drift down to the age level of the person I'm talking to.

Why is that?

And why can't I keep my attention focused on what a woman says as opposed to what a woman wears or has?

Am I already becoming a naughty dirty old man in my waning years?

At 45, are my best years behind me, and in fact, the only thing I have to look forward are the delectables in front of me?

Do I now have so much time on my hands because as of the time of the post (1/12/11 @ 7:15a), I'm sitting here with a day off from work because my esteemed boss, Governor Dan Malloy declared a state of emergency and told me to say home, which allows me to write this purply piece of prose?

Do inquiring minds want to know?

Well, do you?

Anonymous said...

When I'm an old geezer, I will be grabbing random women's breasts.

Yup, I'll be the lecherous pervert old guy.

Sidhe said...

I'm not really sure what I'll do, possibly wear redonkulous hats.

BTW-I think that dude was perving on you! Of course, after the years I have spend working with sex offenders my perception could be skewed...

Claire said...

Heh. I'm kind of looking forward to being old and odd!


Anonymous said...

Psh, when I'm old, I'm gonna like... uh. I dunno, haven't really planned it out yet. Prolly swear moar. Hit people moar. Make kids cry moar. Steal things, break things. Just be really cranky, really loud, and really fucking annoying. Because hey, I'm gonna be dying soon, so might as well piss the hell outta the living. =p

LL Cool Joe said...

I don't intend to change at all when I'm old. I'm a misfit now, so I'll just continue to be who I am, with a zimmer frame.

Lulú said...

I want to be like the lupine lady from that children's picture book and sit and have coffee with u hearing you say fuck and mierda and all that good stuff. I have major plans. Wanna join me in Florida and become one of the golden girls in 2050? Of course, you'd be the silver girl because you're like 15 years younger than me but that'll still work.

Logical Libby said...

I'm going to wear nothing but pajama pants. And I am going to swear at dogs.

Darth Weasel said...

what I like is how old people sometimes tell these lo0ng, rambling stories with no point that go on and on and seem to have no point. Like this one time when my dog Tigger ran away and I was chasing him which was always less than fun because I had to catch him before the dog catcher did. But the dog catcher lived a few streets away and had this really cool chess program so you could play against the computer. Of course we did not call them computers back then even though that is what they were. But they were not as powerful as a jedi.

as an ironic postscript to that stupid joke, my test word is widsom. so apparently old people do not spell right, either

Mama Zen said...

Fuck, Riot Kitty, when I say your title, I thought you were writing about me!

Riot Kitty said...

Excellent ideas! But no, MZ, I'm not writing about you ;) Not for a few more decades anyway!

Lulu, I'm there! But I think we're only about a decade apart, so we're more like silver chicas ;)

Green Tea said...

Nobody should be wishing they are old before their time..Bones and joints ache,gravity takes over the whole body..and thats the good part :0
I always said I was going to get a shopping cart and walk up and down the "Mall of America" checking out the studly young guys.
I'll let you know when I'm old :)

John McElveen said...

I am going to sooo enjoy it!!
I'm already making plans!!! Having a Medical Alert Printed up--Old and Forgetful--with my cell number on it. So when they call--I'll answer in front of them and act normal!

Loved it!


Senorita said...

I am going to be a mouthy, vulgar old woman !

Granny Annie said...

Wasn't there a movie about mandatory killings of anyone over 30?

Shionge said...

Me too just like Senorita...wanna be as vulgar as can be hehehhe....coz it is pay back time :D