Thursday, October 28, 2010

Out of context


Sometimes I wonder about the way my brain works (or doesn't.) When I am half-watching or half-listening to something, or see something out of the corner of my eye, I often misperceive it as something perverse.

Case in point: on a trip to London years ago, I was soaking in a bubble bath while my friend was watching TV. Through the bathroom door, I thought I heard, "And he has a medium-sized penis and likes chocolate." I very nearly jumped out of the bath and yelled, "WHAT?!"

It turns out my friend was watching a BBC special about people who were in a pudding club (and no, they weren't talking about spotted dick.) Nothing said had anything to do with what I thought it had.

Tonight out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a sign that said, "Buy, use - retard!" It actually said, "Buy, use - reload!"

Another time Mr. RK was going over to his friend's house to jam - they both play guitar - and I said, "So when are you going to go over and play with Dave?" and dove into a fit of giggling.

And yesterday when I went to hear my boss speak on a panel about mental illness and the corrections system, I *did* hear, loud and clear, a mental health professional describing what I think he meant as "I just grabbed this guy as soon as I saw him and got him into services."

But he said, "I just shagged this guy immediately and..."

But no one laughed! Maybe I'm just a pervert.

15 comments:

Alpha Za said...

haha, maybe they don't have a sense of humor.

Don't worry, I laugh at double entendre all the time when no one else does. I hold that as a result, I'm happier than they are.

G said...

And?

And if you knew how many straight lines I get fed on a daily basis at work, it would blow you away and leave you in a state of enhanced fulfillment like a melted chocolate bar on a hot summer day.

With a goofy smile plastered on your face for the rest of the day.

Granny Annie said...

Your peeking cat has me pondering a question I've thought about asking on my blog. "Are you uncomfortable undressing in front of your pets?"

Yes, it seems I always see and hear things that do not exist or did not happen. My spouse says that I am deaf but what about the weird things I glimpse out of the corner of my eye?

Lynn said...

He said Shagging and didn't mean it in the usual sense? I'm with you and what you thought.

Riot Kitty said...

AZ: Yeah, I'd say I'm happier, too!
G: Excellent! E-mail me some of them, won't you?
GA: LOL! I've never thought about it, as for changing clothes in front of pets...and what about the weird things indeed?!
L: I know, right? OK, it's not just me...

Goose said...

Does this mean you play the "That's what he/she said game?" It's lots of fun. My pervo family and I actually played it alot while in Iowa for a funeral. It's hilarious and I highly recommend it.

On the same lines, when on hold when calling Darth at work, there's an advertisement about some wod (no kidding) product they sell that is, "Longer, thicker and straighter" than the competition!!! Love it!

LL Cool Joe said...

Yep, you are a pervert....Along with the rest of us....

Scarlet Ily said...

What do you mean "maybe??" ;)

Riot Kitty said...

Goose: LOL! That is hilarious...
Joey: So I'm in good company!
SI: Good point, chica ;)

Mike_D said...

And there's a big difference between selling a lap desk and selling a lap dance....

Oh and my word verification is "SCURD."

Darth Weasel said...

first off..love the pic.

Second...there isd a basketball blog that has "unintentionally dirty quote machine" that takes standard sports fare and...well..."He knew Batuum was coming up behind so he went for it" sounds great in context...not so much here.

Green Tea said...

Maybe you need your hearing checked :0
Sounds Like My Hubba..he always hears something different from what has been said...He does ahve hearing aides..:)

Senorita said...

OMG...... Congrats to your stepmom !

Hey you are probably staying very close to where I work. If you get this message while you are still in CA, let's meet if you are in the mood.

Wallstreetsmart at a o l dot com.

I've never met a girl blog reader. Be my first ?

Senorita said...

Oh and P.S: My dad lives in Portland. Small world.........

alessandra said...

All evidence seem to point in that direction. :D