My great grandmother used to say...

"It takes all kinds of people to make a world."

Mr. RK revised that for me a couple of weeks ago.

"No," he said, "we're just stuck with all of the kinds there are."

I think he's right.

Today, I think most of those kinds of people helped volunteer at my friend's fundraiser. I went to help out and couldn't believe the kind of shit she had to put up with. Granted, she just started this job (she is a volunteer coordinator) in August and she inherited volunteers from the previous person, who assured her they were all fantastic.

I do events for work and you never know who is going to do well or totally fail until you see them in action. I swear events bring out the worst in some people.

Most of the volunteers were great; one is going to be photoshopped in a Satan costume by Mr. RK for my friend.

Some notable personalities from the event, who were theoretically supposed to be helping (read: not hindering):

Person #1 (picture a female Satan, but less endearing): Approaches Mr. RK, whom she has never met before, and says, "The big people shouldn't sit at the ends of the table! They get in the way!" She was so rude to one of the attendees that I looked right at her and said, "You must be nice to the guests."

She also asked over and over again why everyone wasn't eating at the same time. Um, because they arrived at different times, and it's a spaghetti feed. Not formal.

She told us there was no more spaghetti, causing everyone minor panic, when in truth the next batch was cooking.

She made a big fuss about someone who hadn't gotten their food. I rushed over with a plate of pasta. Turns out the person had eaten already.

Then some poor schmuck brought her spaghetti and she barked, "Not now! I'm eating my salad first."

Never have I been so tempted to shove a noodle up someone's nose.

Person #2: Whom I have never met before, asks, "Are you pissed at me or something?" Huh? Should I be? But when I left she acted like I was her best friend. Go figure. Perhaps because I did not shove a noodle up her nose, either.

Person #3: Thinking it was remiss that we did not have flowers on the tables, she broke off some small tree branches and brought them in and tried to put them in the donation cups on the tables. We said no. She said why not? We said no again. And again and again and again.

Person #4: Kept standing in front of me looking at the auction items before we were finished setting them up. I said, "Excuse me," literally four times before his wife said, "You're in her way! Let's move." Brilliant idea.

The guests, for the most part, were better behaved, if some were a little clueless.

I behaved. I did not say the things I really wanted to say, such as...

Guest #1: "Why didn't we get salads?"
Me: "Because we don't like you."

Guest #2: "Why can't we open up the (new, wrapped) garden set? Everything else is open and you can touch things."
Me: "Why don't you try the pants of that gentleman over there? I'm sure he's taking bids."

My poor friend has had one of the worst weeks of her life (before having to do her first big event) and I told her, "Don't worry, it's always so much easier the next time around. You do one event, and another...and then you start a blog."